How do you deal with the abject lonliness? I find myself so alone. I have a lot of good friends, but I want a man and a relationship that is somewhat healthy. I'm not asking for a miracle I don't think.

I haven't had a relationship: sex, hugging, kissing, just being held, in 16 years. He never touched me. I keep wondering what is wrong with me. Both of them told me it was my weight. I feel good about myself and how I look. I just don't understand. I really don't know how much more I can take. I am just so tired of being alone, of not being loved for who I am.

I loved him so much(still do) and it is killing me. I just want someone to hold me and tell me it will be alright. I pray and pray, but it just doesn't fit the bill. Sometimes, like now, it just overwhelms me and I just sit with tears running down my face.

My kids ask me what is wrong but how can you explain this pain that they have no clue about.

I am so sorry if this is depressing but I needed to talk to someone and you girls understand.

Hey honey...
I was wondering how you were holding up...I dont have any advice for you, cause I am not in that situation, but I just wanted to pop in here and say
((((((((((HUGS))))))))))
Take care of you girl
~Katie

Luna sweetie.. I all so was wondering how you are doing.. I know how lonley it can be but you have to think that in the long run you will find someone who is heathly to be in a relationship with.. It is all ways darkest before the dawn. You know that there is someone out there for you.. You will find it when you are least looking for it..

Luna I completely understand but I don't have good answers because I am not dealing with it well! I feel a huge sense of loss and alone depressed.

I feel like I'll be single forever but right now though honestly I don't even want to think of another man.

I cry like you and just don't even want to talk to anyone really or do anything except come on here sometimes.

I don't know how we are going to get better but I know we have to somehow!

I started a new anti depressant and signed up for counseling,those are good steps but I know they can't heal the heartache and loss right now.Only those who left us can (or at least in my case I feel that way) but they won't and they should have never of done it in the first place.

I love you girl and somehow we have to believe we deserve much,much better even though I admit I sit here and think how in the heck could he not love and want me anymore? and if he doesn't who will?

Awww Hugs for You and Cali...I do feel your pain and to tell you the truth I know exactly what you are going through...I will be praying for you both....

Me too. Unfortunately, my ex b.f still lives here. I signed a new lease on saturday. it was really liberating... kinda like a rite of passage for a new start... makes me feels good in ways, but knowing its OVER is a whole other story. I stared bawling my butt off today when i cam back to our apt. and he wasnt here after i had gone and got a few supplies from the store cuz hes sick. he came home and was like "whats wrong" im like "hello dude, you know why im sad" gheesh. he still blames me for being oblivious to all the signs hes dropped that i wasnt the one and that this relationship wasnt meant to be. i think hes got a complex. hes not over his ex. this makes me mental. this is hurting because i know him blaming me helps him diffuse any guilt or sadness. i cant bear 100% of the burden anymore...

I too kinda wish i had someone to hold me love me kiss me make love to me like he did (or at least how i thought he did because he did love me, but he says he never really did (ouch!)) And other times im like, hell no. i dont want anyone. my trust is shot, my heart has a bunch of those lil' sized band aids on it, and i just can give myself to anyone now or dunno if i ever can again. the lonelyness is emmense. my friends keep me busy and the overtime at work helps, but its at night that i miss him a lot. my bed is cold (always was cuz he works 3rd shift) but him not having a precense here even when hes home (because hes not my MAN) is the worst. seeing him on the couch knowing i cant touch him kiss him hold him and if i did it wouldnt mean a damn thing.

Everything that cali said is exactly how i feel right now. i am just too lazy to quote her... i love ya all PTO if it wasnt without u i dont know what i would do...

hmmm trying to think back. My husband died June 8th (after being on the outside together for about 4 years...did the last four years of his sentence with him also for a total of eight years together) and my only child was born July 8th (30 days later) so once he came along I wasn't so lonely anymore. Those 30 days between my husband's death and my son's birth were HORRIBLE...can't really remember much of it to tell you the truth....a big blur (thank God)...I went to counseling and grief counseling and that helped immensely. At grief counseling, they suggested things like getting a long "body pillow" to fill your bed (I did and it realy DID help and I STILL sleep with one now even though I am now remarried), reading old letters, looking at pictures, those kinds of things...it takes time to heal so you can't expect to feel better right away. Hanging out with friends was another suggestion, keeping busy...a new hobby of some sort. If I can think of anything else later I will come back to this post.
********{HUGS}}}}}
Raina p.s. they also said NOT to get into another relationship right away and don't make any huge financial decisions for at least one year.

Luna,How are YOU?
HUGS

No advice to offer.... just wanted to send (((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))) to all you ladies that are hurting right now... :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

I can feel it all starting to come to a head. I am trying to keep it together, but I don't know how much longer I can. I am scared to death of ending up in a mental hospital. I have no one to take care of my kids and they will take them and my autistic one will blow a fuse.

My boys are being really good and not causing me problems. I had to go to the school and do IEP's for them and they are getting Jordan into a psychiatrist. They made this guy, who is a former PO, their mentor. He has Jordan's number and he isn't going to pull any s**t on this guy cause he's heard it all. Actually him and Jordan hit it off right from the start and I insisted that they do something to keep him in Jordan's life because he needs positive male role models. Both the boys also see an intinerent councelor every week at the school. She gave them a number to call if anything happens or they need her, she will come from where ever she is.

If it wasn't for Jason's mom, I would probably be in a rubber room all tied up. I told her the other night just how much I appreciate her being there for me through all this. She knows, she has been dealing with it for 25 years. She has been my guardian angel. I can call her anytime, day or night. We talk for hours. We have actually become really good friends. She said that is the only good thing to come out of this whole mess.

My brother has been letting me drive his truck or Bronco until I get my other car. My girlfriend came over the other night with a whole trunk full of groceries and she gave me more yesterday. I blew off my counselor yesterday because I just couldn't deal with her. I am too raw right now. I took off and spent the day with my friends, WAY out in the mountains(even furthur than I am!)(the ones selling me the car and bringing me the groceries). I asking for my meds to be upped.

Things are flying along, snapping into place so fast, it is almost scary. My friend said maybe that is God's way of telling you you made the right decision. I finally broke through all this anger and rage I had and just said, " I AM NOT F***KING TAKING IT ANYMORE", "I AM NOT GOING TO LET ANOTHER MAN TREAT ME LIKE THIS", "I AM NOT GOING TO BE AFRAID TO COME INTO MY OWN DAMN HOME ANYMORE"!

I think that just broke the block I had. I had to get mad at myself and say "why in the hell are you letting men do this to you?" Finally taking a stand and throwing him out, did me a world of good. I am still dealing with the pain and hurt because I love him, but it was him or me and my kids. Not much of a choice there, considering the options I was presented with.

My future is looking good. My friend told me to give myself time to grieve. She said, "You lost something important to you and you have to let yourself cry and heal. Don't try and hold it back. God is with you, has always been with you, you know it, so trust in Him. He won't let you go and He'll take care of you and your kids". Jason's mom said basically the same thing to me.

I just wish they would catch him. His sister said the same thing. She doesn't want him showing up at her house and I don't want him calling here leaving me nasty messages. I cannot take being called names or screamed at. That puts me right back 15 years with the ex. His mom said if you hear his voice, hang up. If you hear him on a message, erase it and don't even listen to it. If he writes, send it back. Don't accept any collect calls from him. They are doing tough love and his mother said you have to be strong. He is going to come back to you because he knows how much you love him.

I think this is going to be his bottom. He is either going to live or die. I had a dream about 2 weeks ago that he was in a coma from an OD in a hospital. I was at his mom's house the other day and his sister said, "He is going to kill himself". His mom said, "No he's not" and I said, "Yes he is". I think he may have been raped in prison(his mom and I put two and two together), he lost any chance of getting his daughter when he broke parole, I can't go into any detail, but when he finds out about her and whats been going on, I see him killing himself. He won't go back to prison. He's either going to choose to live or he's going to die. I can't do anything for him but pray and let God handle it.

Think of it as being a comma(,) not a period (.) As long as you can breath, you can love. It's up to you girlfriend to release your burden to Jesus and allow HIM to prepare you for the man HE has picked for you. Trust in God to know your needs and fulfill them for you. He knows your heart aches and that you need human companionship.

I bet there is a man right now that thinks you are the most wonderful, caring, sensitive, compassionate, strong, funny, and yes..SEXY woman he's ever known. He's probably in awe over you and how you've endured so much in your life. He is probably too shy to approach you in a romantic way and so he's willing to just stand on the sidelines and pray that someday you notice him.

(((((((((hugs)))))))))

((((HUGS)))) Luna! I always am thinking about you! If you need me, please feel free to pm me! K.

Luna~You have been through so much that it is hard to imagine you having to deal with even more. You will come through this of that I am certain. We have talked and I know you are strong beyond measure. I know it doesn't always feel like it all the time but you are. I'm thinking of you and praying for you and the boys. If you need me you know how to reach me.

Much Love,
Patty

(((( huggsss)))) i know i havent posted in awhile..but i feel ur pain..i feel the lonliness..i just want a relationship..he's been home for 5 months now and yes we talk but its not the same..im so depressed over wut i thought it would be like

i also just want a relationship..i feel so alone..but i also know deep down im not ready for one..im not over him..something holds me back..i kno he is no good for me..yet it holds me back'

ladies keep ur hands up..everything does happen for a reason..sooner or later we will receive that answer..much love

Shnuckums I hear ya loud and clear when you say "im not over him..something holds me back..i kno he is no good for me..yet it holds me back"

It's only been about 3 1/2 weeks since we split up so its still kind of fresh but I love him,miss him and want him even though I know I'm probably better off w/o him :(

Hang in there yourself girl! HUGS

((((((Hugs)))))))) for those who are in the middle of the pain. It takes work, but it does get better everyday. I have had to work extra hard not to let it destroy me and pick the peices up and move on.

You are all in my thoughts and prayers!
Take this one day at a time.

The being lonely is the worse :(

I try to stay involve in my community. I am always spending quality time with my girls, and we just happen to have lots of fun with no men. I also try to spend time on the campus (my college) doing all types of things. I volunteer alot, working with children and even adults.

I also find myself late at night, reading. Late at night is when I would write my letters, so instead of doing that I am reading. It helps to take my mind off of everything.

Mel

Losing someone you love is so painful...all the expectations and hope just wiped out. So many of us are right where you are right now...time does speed up healing, and for me so does having someone else in my life. I wish you the best and peace of mind, body and soul.

Stay strong, I am praying for you, you are a wonderful person that many men would love to be with. There is a special person out their for someone like you, and they will find you. Hugs...:)

Luna,How are you doing? I hope you check in soon

Love and hugs

I am so glad that you brought this up Cali. I was just thinking of Luna today. You better stop by and update us on how you are doing :D

HUGS

Mel