Well ladies, I first of all want to thank each and every one of you for all the love and warm wishes.... ya'll REALLY DID touch my heart there. Mia, thanks SOOOOOOOO much for starting that thread for me, that was VERY VERY sweet of you!!!!! :) Ya'll REALLY have been here for me and helped me get through this whole thing of being without him, and ya'll mean so much to me for that very reason. Thanks once again and I love ALLLLLL OF YA!!!!!!!!! :D

NOW.... for the coming home story...... He got released at about 8:15 AM and I was SOOOOOOOOO happy!!!! When I first got there to pick him up, the CO that I talked to told me where to wait and said he would be out by 8AM. So, I was waiting and waiting and finally went back inside at ask where he was when it got to be about 10 after 8..... ya'll KNOW I was just anxious. The lady called to see where he was and they said he was already on his way out to me.... and just then, the van pulled up. I went outside and the CO that was driving the van asked me if I was waiting for a parolee. I said yes and he motioned for me to go over there.... then he let my man out of the van and I just RAN up to him as fast as I could in my damn heeled shoes,grabbed him and just hugged him and squeezed him as hard as I could. Then the CO said he MUST leave state grounds ASAP, so we needed to get in the car and go.... sh**, like I was gonna argue with THAT!!!! ;)

So we went back to the hotel room and uuummmmmmmm, YEAH..... ya'll already KNOW!!!!! :D I was in HEAVEN with that man!!!! Then he REALLY didn't want to stay up there and just wanted to come back home, so we left for that LONG LONG drive back home. We got here and went to see a couple of his friends and stuff like that. We went out to eat together and then went to one of his buddies houses (who I am also very good friends with) and he drank some beers with them and we just hung out. He just kept saying how he felt SOOOOOO weird and like he just didn't belong here. I kept trying to comfort him in that and telling him to give it time and he'll feel right again soon. We went out to the movies that night and I was just SOOOOOOO happy to have him by my side.

Then we went to the room I got and ordered a pizza cuz he was hungry and then did our thang and went to bed. It was SOOOOOOOO nice to be able to sleep in his arms again and I swear I slept like a BABY :D :p !!!!!!!! The next morning he woke up SOOOOOOO early and then woke me up and said it was time to get the day started. I was like "Ohhh hell no, I wanna sleep but for you, I'll get up.... just cuz your special." so we got up and took a shower and stuff. Then we left to get some stuff done that he needed to do.... including taking him to the parole office. This is where to story takes a bit of a turn for the worst.

As soon as he went to the parole office, he started looking for his drug addict friends. Not the good friends that we had hung with the day before.... only the ones who do the nasty drug he was into before getting busted. We went out to lunch and he still just kept talking about how he felt weird and didn't belong.... and wanted to find these so called friends of him. I was getting VERY irritated by this because while he was still in there, all he could say was that he never wanted to go back to that crap and wanted to get his life straight and "get up out of the hood"...... well, he didn't seem to have that same plan anymore and I felt very misled.

When he had been on the drug before, we didn't get along for sh** and were ALWAYS fighting.... we actually broke up because of it a couple years back. When he was still busted I would always tell him that if he went back to the drugs this relationship would never work. I also said that if this would be his plan... we should just break up now, so we could possibly stay friends and not have hard feelings towards each other (because he turns into a WHOLE different person when on this nasty drug) He said he really didn't want to ever take his life back to that place..... but he lied. After we went out to eat... he went looking for his friends again and found one. They stayed talking for a minute then he came back to my car and just said "What are you gonna do right now cuz I'ma stay with this fool and see some of my homies." I got mad but am not a controlling person, so I told him to go do what he wants to do. He asked me if I was gonna be mad or trip about it and I said "I'm not MAD about it, I'm disappointed in your decisions right now but it really doesn't matter what I say because you're gonna do what you want anyways, whether I want you to or not." Then he tried to say that he wasn't gonna do the drugs and yada yada yada and I was just like "Come on now!!! This is herion we're talking about here!!!! If they do it around you, you're gonna do it too!!!!" He said something about me being wrong about that and he'll do what he wants to regardless of what other people do around him and I was like "Yeah, whatever, do what you wanna do ok, you already know how I feel about it but this is your life, go live it, I can't tell you anything." Then he said he'd call me in a lil bit to come back and pick him up.

Well, he NEVER called me to pick him up.... in fact he STILL HASN'T called me and that was 2 days ago now. I cried all night that night because I KNEW he did drugs and I knew it was gonna be over between us very soon (I think he knows that too right now) I only came to work for an hour yesterday because I just felt SOOOOOOOOOO damn sad. :( I still haven't heard from him but have heard from his friends and they say he's just out there running the streets with all the dope fiends right now. one of his friends even told me "Jess, you don't need this sh**!!!! He's only gonna hurt you from this point on because he already let you down. He doesn't want to change and he's gonna go right back in very soon. You can't help anyone if they don't first try to help themselves.... and he is NOT trying to help himself at all right now." He told me not to waste any more of my time and love on someone that has just proved to me that he's really rather run the streets with his boys. He said that one day John will realize that he fu**ed up BAD and he'll regret losing me but I don't need to hurt like this for anyone.... especially since he just doesn't want to change, he said I did all that I could and now there's really nothing left that I can do... it's all up to him now.

I'm pretty down in the dumps right now and have been since monday evening. His friend is SOOOOOOOOO right though, I can't help him if he doesn't want to do good and change himself. I can't force him to do the right thing. I did all I could to try and help and guide him in the RIGHT direction but all in all, it's up to him and only him to do the right thing.... and well, he did NOT do the right thing at all. Now, I have to do the right thing for myself and move past this I guess. I don't know for sure if it's over yet or not but I'll soon see. I pretty much know that I won't be able to stick around through the drug thing this time around because I've always ended up getting SOOOOO hurt when it comes to that. Plus, I told him a million times. I even left him a couple month ago while he was still in because of that damn drug. I shoulda known better then to think he'd change his life..... but love really blinds you.

Thanks to all for listening to my story and being here for me. I'll make it through this.... with or without him by my side. I just know I can make it. I love ya'll!!!!!!

I definitely feel for you...been there with my-ex and done that. We are now divorced (but not because of his drug problem) You will probably hear from him after the $200 gate money that he got runs out. It's hard to let them go, but when you give so much of yourself that you have nothing left for yourself, something needs to change. They talk a good game, but the bottom line is that he isn't tired yet (not tired of prison or the lifestyle). When he gets to the point to where he's tired of being tired and decides he wants to change then he will. At this point you probably love him more than he loves himself, but that's not enough to make him want to be the best he can for you and honor your relationship.

You can lead a horse to water, but you cant make him drink!

Stay strong!

I'm so sorry this happened to you Jess, I really don't know what to say. If he is doing drugs he's just gonna go back and that's just so sad with all you have been through. I was hoping to hear a good homecoming story.

Thanks tia4two... you are right, I'll bet he will call when the gate money's gone. :blah: It is SOOOOOOOOOO SOOOOOOOOO SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO hard to let him go when he's all I've known for so long but I have given way too much of myself.... and he hasn't given sh**.... I can't keep hurting myself like this.... not because he chose the drugs over me.... not this time. Much love and hugs to ya and thanks again for being honest.... I appreciate it, I really do!! :)

I'm so sorry that you are going through this. We are all here for you :grouphug:

Sweetie, I was hoping to TELL a GOOD homecoming story too. I can't deal with this hurt and all that he's causing me. I am SOOOOOO sad and just not myself now and don't know when I will be again. I am heart broken and I feel SOOOOOOOOO let down by him right now. I believed in him... I had faith in him and this is what I got out of it. All that waiting for this.... for him to come out and not even try, he just went right back to the drugs.... that HURTS LIKE HELL!!!!!!

I'm so sorry this happened to you Jess, I really don't know what to say. If he is doing drugs he's just gonna go back and that's just so sad with all you have been through. I was hoping to hear a good homecoming story.

Thanks rachelkaren... I'ma need all the support I can get to make it through this one.... it sucks but I gotta stay true to me and do what is best for ME.... I can't worry about him always, he's a big boy and CAN live his own life. I just wanted to help him cuz I love him :(

Oh sweetie..... I am so sorry.... The power of addiction is sadly stronger than that of love.... You know the situation better than anyone else. You know what is good for you.

Here is what I know: Whatever you decide to do, myself and PTO will back you up. We are here for you. We care about you. And we feel that you deserve the best.

I am praying for you.....
Stay strong and take care of yourself.

I am so sorry this has happened to you. ((((((((hugs))))))))

I also was going to say I know how it is to want to intervene and take care of someone who you love.... But he's made a very Bad-wordy choice.... Don't overstrech yourself and do more than you need to.... Because you have already been there for him during one of the hardest times in his life. Don't ever feel guilty. Ever.

I am sorry you are going through this. You dont need to deal with this though and at this point you really cant help him. He obviously doesnt want to change...I know that doesnt fix the hurt you are going through, but this will eventually make you stronger. Hang in there and know we are all here to support you through this.

AWWWWWWWW Cawillia.... thank you SOOOOOOO much for those kind words... you made me cry for reals!!!!! :cry: it's true what you said, the power of addiction is much stronger then that of love.... and that sucks!!!! :mad: :( I'm sure I'll get through this and will be fine as long as I have the support of my girls here!!!!! I love ya'll and don't know what I'd do without ya'll right now. All I know is that I am an emotional mess and I just wish he'd do GOOD instead of bad.... but he's just not ready to change. He's institutionalized now and it kinda seems like he likes the prison life better then the free world life. That's just SAD SAD SAD :( , Why would anyone want to live that kinda life when a good life is staring ya in the face???? :( :confused:

I am so very sorry that things are not going as you had hoped. Unfortunately drugs are a powerful mistress. You seem to have your head on straight and the right attitude about it. You can't save him he can only save himself. He's got to want to do that though. I know this is a very sad and frustrating time for you. Please know that we are here for you and keep us posted. If you need a shoulder I'm only a PM away...

Thinking of you,
Patty

OOHH JESS!! :( I am soo sorry hun!! I was DEFINITELY looking for a good story too!

This super pisses me off! :mad: Girl I remember us talking about this and you gotta stick to what you said and know. I'm feel the same way you do. And I know it hurts so bad cuz you love him! I feel for you sweetie! Like you said you have given soo much of yourself and look at what he's doing to ya. I dont know what to say..I hope its not over between yall and only you can know if it is. but girl you know I'm always here for you! I'm praying for both of you! CALL ME! LOVE YOU JESS! :grouphug:

I just wanted to offer my support, hun. I'm really sorry to hear that things aren't going as planned. I hope the outcome turns around because I've seen in all your posts how excited and happy you were. Hang in there for now...

EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YA'LL are TOOOOOO SWEET!!!!!! Ya'll have me balling my eyes out over here but I love ya'll for being so honest with me and for being here for me. This sh** hurts SOOOOOOOOO bad especially when I KNEW this might happen and I still went on believing in him.... but that's love for ya.

I keep getting SOOOOOOO many responses to this thread that it's hard to respond to each and every one of ya. Just know I'm trying and I do love ya'll SOOOOOOOO much for all the support. I'm crying now but I'd REALLY be a MESS without ya'll here. Thanks again.... this is hard to deal with and it hurts like hell.

Every post that I've read has been SOOOOOOO right and ya'll have been very encouraging and supportive of me right now. I need that, I really do, so I can't thank ya'll enough.

Stay strong my Jess!!! LOVE YOU!! :)

Hey girl.....that is some f***** up s***! I sware I prayed that you come back to us telling us how happy you were and we got the total opposite! Aint that about a b****! I'm just so mad right now Tears..... I really am. It just sucks how they tell you one thing when their in there and they come out and are back to their old ways. I just hope that mine don't turn on me like that because I don't know if I would be able to handle it. Just remember, were all here for you.....ALWAYS!!!!! I really am sorry. I'll get back to you in a bit, I got to go have me a smoke, I'm just so pissed off right now.....................

hunts girl, thanks SOOOOOOO much for the support!!!!! I need all I can get!!!!

AMES, you're right sweetie, he really doesn't want to change at all and that hurts me alot more then it seems to hurt him. You're also right about the fact that all this WILL make me stronger. I'll get through and eventually everything will be ok, thanks for all your love and support.

HotLatinaMILF4U..... Thanks SOOOOO much for all the kind words. You are very right, he can only save himself.... but he has got to want to and he just really doesn't want to chage sh** right now obviously.

Marj.... SAD DAYS in my neighborhood these days, huh girly?! :( You've heard my fears about this before he even got out and look.... I was right, damnI KNEW IT!!!!!!! :( :mad: I just wanted to believe otherwise, for his sake and my happiness sake too. When he does finally decide to call me, we'll talk about this whole thing but I really don't think I can or will stick around through this... especially with the drug involved. I've lived that life before and let me tell you.... a clean person cannot successfully have a relationship with a drug addict.... especially not when it's herion. I told myself so!!!!!! :( :mad: I'll call ya later on today and we'll talk more sweetie!!!!! I might cry though, so be ready for that. I love ya

marriola482........ Thanks a million for offering your support and kind words. I'm hangin' in there as best I can and just trying not to let it get me down. Trust me that's much easier said then done but I am trying. Thanks again for the support!!!!

I love all of ya and really appreciate ya'll being here for me at this time that I need it most.

I think he'll come around I think he's just scared after being where he was for so long you know. I am sorry and i wish you the best :grouphug:My sisters b/f's dad has the same problem and he lost the woman he was with for like 10 years becuase of his addiction but she was stupid enough to take him back knowing that he is still doing the drug i guess thats what love is and the guy's realy dont know what they have till its gone. and I guess they get real lucky if it comes back

Girl I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this!:( I didn't know that nasty drug was heroine! My uncle has that problem and after 20 years of marrige my aunt had to leave because she was just too dam warn down! He would stay clean for periods of time but the Sh!t calls to them! It is unfortunate my uncle was a musclar Surfer now he is about 5'11 and weighs about 120lbs.:( he has spent the last few years in and out of jail and shows up at my Aunts house freaking out a lot because some how he "forgot" they were divorced and thought he was just coming home. It is sad to say he is no longer my "Uncle Charlie" that in many ways was my hero as I went thru some hard situations and he was always there to rescue me. Well I havn't talked to him in many years because everyone fears it would just brake my heart because he is not all there anymore. Addiction is a hard thing to kick no doubt but the WANT has to be #1 for recovery to even be possible. My guess is when he felt "out of place" it sparked the idea of getting high to take the reality away.... Maybe it was just his excuse to do it just becareful! The heart will heal but wasting a life of hoping you can't take back! Maybe you should try the "call me when you can stay clean" approach. Walking away never works if you have the intentions to go back. If you walk away walk for good unless way down the line clean and sober he shows up at your door. Usually addicts have a lack of love for themselves... and we have all heard the saying "someone can't love you until they love themselves" Drugs can really make a person lose site of who they are! Girl I am so sorry about all of this! This is just my advice take it or leave it but I will always be around if you need to talk.... "judgement free"

Oh.. I am sooo very sorry.. As I read your post I started crying because I can only imagine the pain you are going through... My ex went back to getting high (meth) after he got out too and the addiction is so much more powerful than any love we could give them.. I send you love and strength to get through this.... HUGS!!!!

Oh Tears, I am so very sorry to hear this. I really was hoping it would be a great homecoming for you both. It seems that drugs are so powerful that nothing else matters. How very sad. To return to society and go back to them again. It has got to hurt you something awful. I hope that you know we are all here for you and to stay strong and take good care of yourself as well as you can under the circumstances.

May tomorrow be a brighter day for you and things start to look up instead of so very bleak as they are right now.

Hang in there in girl. Right now take a deep breath and focus on you. You sound like a strong women who has been there for him all this time, now take time and be there for yourself. Just remember all of us here at PTO love ya and hurt with you. Blessings to you girl.

Monica... sweet Monica.... thanks for the love sweetie!!!! Thanks for all the prayers but I guess God can't make him do right. :( I wish he could, I wish someone, anyone, could make him do right but that's just not possible. He's his own man and has to make his own decisions and all that good stuff. Yeah, it was BS for him to lead me on all that time, making me believe he wanted to do good and have a good life but then it was a whole other story as soon as he drug tested for his parole. I really hope your man doesn't do this too, but I'll be praying for you to have all the best when he gets out. I don;t wish this BS upon anybody, not even my worst enemy because this hurts. :(

Derricksbabygirl, Hopefully you're right and he does come around because this hurts like hell and it sucks BAD!!! :( These guys really don't know what the have until it's gone and I'll tell you now, with that drug in the picture, I'll NEVER go back, I can't hurt myself like that!!!!! :( Thanks for the encouraging words and the warm wishes, it really does mean ALOT to me. You're SOOOOOOO sweet hon, thanks again!!!!

Jen661..... OMG, you are SOOOOOOOOO right about everything you said. I'm sorry to hear this same drug has grabbed ahold of your uncle, it hurts SOOOOOOOOOO bad for us not involved with it to just sit abck here and watch our loved ones lose it all. You're right about walking away... but I really don't have the intention to go back, I already did that and this is the point where I have to say good-bye for good. I can't hurt like this, it's too much for me. Thank you SOOOOOOOO much for all the encouragment and for being honest with me, I appreciate that sweetie!!!!! You are SOOOOOOOO right about all that you've said and I think you are very wise, you gotta good head on your shoulders. Thanks again for the support, you really have helped me in getting through this.

JustLisa..... Sweetie, please don't cry, that will only have me crying more :( !!!!!! This pain does cut like a knife and it seriously hurts like hell. I just want him to do good!!!!!!!!! Thanks SOOOOOO much for all the love and support..... it really does mean SOOOOOO much to me!!!!!

EVERYONE...... Ya'll have helped me SOOOOOOO much with all your loving, kind and encouraging words. Ya'll are the best and I don't know where I'd be now without ya'll!!!!! This is REALLY hard to deal with but as long as I have good people by my side, I'll be ok, I KNOW I will!!!! I love ya'll SOOOOOO much and hugs to all!!!!!! May God bless ya'll for your kindness

(((Jess))) I am sorry that this has happened to you. I hope things do get better for you. I know its hard , I have been there before my husband's addiction was for crack not herion but they are both one powerful drug. You probably knew in your gut & heart that when he wanted to look for his "drugie friends" that he was pretty much going to go and do drugs again. Thats awful especially for you that you waited for him and thought u both would have this wonderful brand new life together and thought he changed for good and really he never did change. I am sorry girlie I know you must be hurting so bad inside. You have all of us in here supporting you & loving you and we will always be here for you no matter what! Good luck girlie!

Hugs,
Amber

I am so very sorry, Jess. I can only imagine what you are going through right now. The closer we get to a parole decision, the more terrified I become that the same thing might happen here.

I'm so proud of you.... despite how much I KNOW you must be hurting right now, you definately have your head on straight about the whole situation. Stay strong. Let me know if you need anything.

My heart just goes out to you right now. It won't be long until he puts himself right back in there. They will test him and that will be the end of it. You can bet that he will be crying for you when he goes back in. The worst part about addiction is the selfishness that goes along with it. The drug addiction is one thing. The selfishness is just downright painful to the people who love and support the addict. I am going to start praying for both of you during my lunch hour today. At this point, we absolutely must trust God with this because He is the only one that can reach this man, and turn the whole situation around. I am also praying that you will have perfect peace and comfort while God works on his heart and mind. Keep your head up. As I have told other girls on PTO, God can turn any situation around no matter how hopeless it may seem. Lets see what happens. Lets see what God can do!

I just wanted to tell you how sorry i am i don't know you but i feel as if i do know you we have alot of things in common we are both from San Diego and my man is also in Ironwood on drug charges. all i can say is be strong girl keep your head up and i hope that everything turns out ok (((((hugs)))))

Sorry you have to go through this! I know it is hard and it makes you sad, but please don't mess up your life because of him. I'm not saying your going to, but try not to let it bring you down so much where you are missing work and stuff. My sister is a heroin addict and I wish I even knew what to do. I finally just cutt her off and it is very very very hard for me! You are right! They can not get help if they don't want it! She tried to blame her habit on me, so I don't talk to her anymore! Stay strong and again sorry you have to go through this!

Turn your back and walk away. I did and his mother and sister and brother did. They are done. His daughter wants nothing to do with him. He was home about a 3 weeks for he got into it again. And another woman. By God's grace I have survived. He just took off a week ago and it seems like months ago. His mom told me he'll realize what he lost. He is still on the streets somewhere.

I have a feeling though that something is happening. I can feel it. I had a dream that he was in the hospital, in a coma, because of an OD.

He is really nasty when he is doing it. I am done. I told him you leave and break my heart, don't ever call me. I'm not playing little games with him.

I so know how you feel. Please PM me if you need to talk. I am walking down that road now, the same as you. I always check, so please PM me. I'm here to try and help.

~sigh~

jess as always and ever, i am here for you. i am at a loss for words when it comes to johns behavior. i am so pissed at him and so upset for you, so distrought about the whole situation. but one thing i do know is you are a SMART and strong girl. you really are, and the best decision you can ever make is to go on about you now instead of waiting and getting hurt again and again. like i have always told you, john is settling b/c its easy to live this lifestyle, and hard to change and rse above. he is just not strong enough right now. but you are girl. and you go. i love you so much and i am always always alwasy hear, even if all you want to do is cry, i will listen. jess the heartbreak will simmer, i promise, and this will be a memory. you and john are in my prayers at night, i love you :) ~emm

I have to agree with this 100%! I too am at a loss of words, and I have tears in my eyes, this is just not fair, for everything you have put into this relationship only to havet his happen. I am so very sorry...I do hope the VERY best for you, you will be in my heart, thoughts and prayers.



~sigh~

jess as always and ever, i am here for you. i am at a loss for words when it comes to johns behavior. i am so pissed at him and so upset for you, so distrought about the whole situation. but one thing i do know is you are a SMART and strong girl. you really are, and the best decision you can ever make is to go on about you now instead of waiting and getting hurt again and again. like i have always told you, john is settling b/c its easy to live this lifestyle, and hard to change and rse above. he is just not strong enough right now. but you are girl. and you go. i love you so much and i am always always alwasy hear, even if all you want to do is cry, i will listen. jess the heartbreak will simmer, i promise, and this will be a memory. you and john are in my prayers at night, i love you :) ~emm

I am so sorry Jess!!!! You know that you have TONS of support here. Hang in there girl. Hey, my offer still stands about coming in for dinner. Bring one of your friends. Be strong girl!

Tears,
Well, I just want to also offer my support in any way possible. I really do not have experience with a loved one hooked on drugs, so I cannot imagine your pain, but I am very sorry you are going through this and I really feel for you. remember that we all love you and we will pray for you. Pray to God for strength, comfort and guidance. Alod pray for him and do not hold on to anger and resentment. It will only hurt you in the end. Stay strong, girl! God bless you!

Hey Girl, I hust wanted to tell you how sorry I am things went this way for you. Stay strong, stand your ground. Sounds like you got lots of love for the boy, maybe he will see that and come around. You just got to take care of yourself. This will all eventually take care of itself. Let time run it's coarse. My heart goes out to you...Love, Diane...:(

babygirl350, cj'sangel, BrennansAngel, ahilton77007, WhenGraceCameIn, monet420, PhillyGurLL, lunachild, Cara1, thekilgorebunch, jessesgirl4ever, diane93635..... EVERYONE..... Ya'll have me BALLING OUT OF CONTROL over here!!!! Thank you for all your encouraging words and all the love and support.... I really do need it all now more then ever before. You know I love all of you and would be going crazy if I didn't have all this support right now..... trust me, I was going crazy before I started this thread and honestly, I was a lil embarrassed to come back and let everyone down by giving such bad news. I know ya'll are here for me and I thank all of you SOOOOOOOOO MUCH for that!!!! I just really wanted to believe that he would really change.... he made everything sound so good and I wanted nothing more then to trust and believe his word..... was I fool for that or what???? I feel like a fool now, but what a fool won't do for love, right?! :rolleyes: :(

I want to respond to each and every one of your posts seperately but I have too much support from ya'll to be able to do that :D :thumbsup: ... that alone makes me feel very special and touches my heart. You are all very right and I will be sure to listen to all the advice ya'll have given.... I love you all!!!!!! Ya'll are really helping me get through this SOOOOOOOOO MUCH!!!! Ya'll are helping to ease my pain, thanks so much!!!! :) Thanks for all the prayers, I know they will do something good for my situation, I just really hope they do good for him too. I believe, is that enough to help things??? Sometimes I know it's not because I believe in him this whole time and he's really let me down.... this is a huge disappointment to me.... I had all the faith in the world going into that man. Now I have all the faith in the world that GOD will help me through this and be by my side every step of the way.... I KNOW he will, cuz he does love me. With God and all of you by my side, I'll make it through this for sure!!!!

Emm.... my sweet sis..... I love you SOOOOOOOO MUCH!!!! You were the first person I called when all of this first went down..... and ohhh man, have you been there for me!!! You've listened to me cry cry cry my eyes out, scream, cry some more, and well, cry just a LOT more!!!! You're very right sweetie, he's just settling in this BS because it's all he knows and it's SOOOOOOOO MUCH EASIER then changing his ways..... Geez, what an a$$ he is!!!!! :blah: Thanks so much for being here for me and staying up on the phone with me past your bed time, just to hear me cry about my situation..... it has really showed me just how much you really love me and I want you to know that I love you that much too!!!! You know I really appreciate everything, Emm.... you're the best big sis I could ever ask for..... I wish you were here now but you're in my heart now and always.

I love all of you and can't thank ya'll enough for all your love, support and kindness to me..... this is a big help and I will get through.... thanks to ya'll!!!!!!!!!!!! ;) This is hard to deal with and my heart hurts so bad but I know I have good friends that care and are here for me.... right here on PTO. The sad thing.... all my friends away from PTO are just doing the "I told you so" thang and it's only making me feel even worse. That's why I'm so thankful to have all of you!!!!!! ALLLLLLLLLL OF YOU have really touched my heart and I will always hold ya'll dear to me for that. Much love and hugs to all of you and thanks again for all of your prayers.

Aww girl I am so sorry he is being like this I swear men! I hope things get better and he realizes what he is losing Keep your head up girl

Emm.... my sweet sis..... I love you SOOOOOOOO MUCH!!!! You were the first person I called when all of this first went down..... and ohhh man, have you been there for me!!! You've listened to me cry cry cry my eyes out, scream, cry some more, and well, cry just a LOT more!!!! You're very right sweetie, he's just settling in this BS because it's all he knows and it's SOOOOOOOO MUCH EASIER then changing his ways..... Geez, what an a$$ he is!!!!! :blah: Thanks so much for being here for me and staying up on the phone with me past your bed time, just to hear me cry about my situation..... it has really showed me just how much you really love me and I want you to know that I love you that much too!!!! You know I really appreciate everything, Emm.... you're the best big sis I could ever ask for..... I wish you were here now but you're in my heart now and always.

.i love you too :) and i am hear for you even after you used the whole kleenex box ;) ya girl, emmalee

Thanks Johnsbabygirl... I really hope he realize what he's losing too but I don't know how much of a difference it will make if the drugs are all in his system.... they're taking over him just like they did before. Thanks for the encouragement... it really does help SOOOOOOO MUCH!!!

Emm, LOL... girl, you've been there through like 3 kleenex boxes already!!!! I just don't know how to deal with it any other way except for crying. I love you and will talk to you very soon.

Tears,
I am so sorry you are going thru this. You have done all you can do-the rest is up to him. Take care of YOU!!

ONE

((HUGS)) GIRL I AM SO SORRY THIS HAPPENED TO YALL. DRUG ADDICTION HAS SUCH A STRONGHOLD..IVE SEEN IT DESTROY PEOPLE. I HOPE AND PRAY THAT HE DOES TURN HIS LIFE AROUND FOR THE BETTER AND LETS THAT LIFESTYLE GO. HE CAN DO IT AND WITH GOD ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE.

YOU CAN MAKE IT THRU THIS. YOU SEEM TO HAVE YOUR HEAD ON STRAIGHT. I KNOW YOU ARE STRONG BECAUSE IT TAKES ALOT TO COME AND POST ABOUT IT HERE ON PTO FOR EVERYONE TO SEE. YOU HAVE MY SUPPORT ALWAYS. I REALLY HOPE AND PRAY THINGS WORK OUT NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS WITH YOUR RELATIONSHIP.

Thanks One... you're right, the rest is up to him and I really have done all that I can.... but why do I seem to feel so helpless and just keep wishing I could change him, or save him??? I know I can't but i just wish I could. Thanks for the encouragement, it's really helping to get me through this... seriously it is.....
ALL OF THE ENCOURAGEMENT FROM ALL OF YOU IS HELPING ME GET THROUGH THIS WHOLE THING!!!!!!

Much love and hugs to all of you from me

oh my god mami .. girl we love you .. dont worry cause we'll be here to catch you should you fall .. your in my prayers ... so is he ma...

one,

d

Jess,

I just saw this! :eek: I am teary eyed for you right now. You were so happy and we were happy for you (you are welcome for the thread by the way). I "can't believe" what I just read. :mad:

You are doing the right thing: you are not responsible for him, you can't make him do anything. He has unfortunately "gone back to what he knows." I wish he would have given it a chance at least! Maybe he didn't learn after all. :(

Cry, scream, do what you have to do to get it "out of your system." If you don't you'll be sick and that won't do you any good. One thing for sure, YOU can hold your head up high. You handled all this with dignity and class and that is something you can always be proud of. The hard thing is sometimes we have to let people go, even when we love them.:cry: Whatever you decide PTO will be here for you.

I am proud of you already b/c you are thinking with your head and not just your emotions. You know he is responsible for him and you are not getting caught up in codependency.:thumbsup:

I will remember you in my prayers tonight.

((hugs)) Jess. All the best. Ciao bella.

OMG girly, it took SOOOOOOO much for me to actually bring myself on here to post this. I didn't want to believe me, I'm way embarrassed that I sat here being SOOOOOOOOO NIEVE thinking he'd change his life and never go back to drugs.... can't blame a girl for believing in her love though.... I just believed a lil too much I guess. Thanks so mcuh for all the love and support, it really does mean so much to me!!!! Thanks again sweetie!!!! Love and hugs always!!

((HUGS)) GIRL I AM SO SORRY THIS HAPPENED TO YALL. DRUG ADDICTION HAS SUCH A STRONGHOLD..IVE SEEN IT DESTROY PEOPLE. I HOPE AND PRAY THAT HE DOES TURN HIS LIFE AROUND FOR THE BETTER AND LETS THAT LIFESTYLE GO. HE CAN DO IT AND WITH GOD ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE.

YOU CAN MAKE IT THRU THIS. YOU SEEM TO HAVE YOUR HEAD ON STRAIGHT. I KNOW YOU ARE STRONG BECAUSE IT TAKES ALOT TO COME AND POST ABOUT IT HERE ON PTO FOR EVERYONE TO SEE. YOU HAVE MY SUPPORT ALWAYS. I REALLY HOPE AND PRAY THINGS WORK OUT NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS WITH YOUR RELATIONSHIP.

i read your story and at first i was soooo excited for you about your homecoming! its just the way i lay and dream of mine! i love my man sooooo unbeliavably much and i still worry that that same thing will happen to me like you. i am so sorry you have to go thru this. my man's been in and out a lot, most of his adult life, and he's been addicted to the same dumb shit. i am being the strong one for us now, i moved out of the hood and am preparing a better life for us, but its up to him to do his part when he gets out, i can see it in his eyes now, he honestly does look tired of it all, so i can't just leave him because i'm scared of what MAY happen, its just a chance i have to take, its just instinct to follow our hearts. i hope you can get thru this, if you ever need to talk, pm me, god bless you

tubbysblanquita.... thanks for the love and support!!!! Also thanks for the prayers.... we're both gonna need them. Maybe him a lil more then me because he's the one with the problem but I'll need 'em to, in order to get over this pain, and this man!!!

MiaBellaAngela..... it's upsetting ain't it?? I was very very very happy about him coming home and now I just wish he were still in there.... at least I'd know where he was now!!! AND I wouldn't be hurting like this now either. Sweetie, he didn't learn at all from being in prison.... not even a lil bit. He really didn't even give the good life a chance... but in the long run, maybe that's better cuz I KNOW how things are now and I won't have to suffer through his mistakes anymore. Thanks SOOOOOOOO MUCH for the compliments and all the love, you have also touched my heart and I love ya for that!!!! Sometimes the very hardest things to do in life are the very best things you could do for your life and that is the case here with me and this man. I love him SOOOOOOOO MUCH and really don't want to let him go but I have to look out for me because he's not... he's for sure not gonna look out for me when all he's worried about is the drugs. Thanks for the prayers too sweetie, I know they will help!!! May God bless you for all your kindness

sweet lil Jess...I'm so so sorry... :(
you know I'm here for you sweetie...

oooh, just let me get my hands on him!!! :angry:

love you sweetie...you will get through it, i know you will.
YOU ARE STRONG!

I really hope you don't go through this same thing too!!! It's very painful to deal with this when you love the man SOOOOOOOO MUCH and only want the best life for him. Please don't take my negativity the wrong way, I just don't want to see you go through this too..... You sound SOOOOOOOO MUCH LIKE ME with all that you've said here. I was also the strong one for us, I was the backbone of our whole world.... I kept it all together. I am about to move again VERY soon, well because I had already moved out of the hood but was still close to it, so I was trying to get him as far away as possible.... it didn't work. No matter how far I get away from it all, he's always gonna make his way right back to that hood cuz that's all he seems to really care about... thank God I didn't move yet..... cuz I don't need to, I was doing it for him..... ALLLLLL FOR HIM!!! I also could see it in his eyes that he was tired of the streets and the game and he just wanted to get away.... I saw all that while he was in there, once he got out, it all changed. It was all nothing but empty promises and broken dreams. I was WAY WAY WAY scared of leaving him behind because I (along with EVERYONE else who knows him and I) KNOW he just can't make it without me.... he really can't. Even his friends will say that same thing. I was his only chance to make it OUT of the hood and drugs and he just didn't really want the chance I guess. Just please be careful and PLEASE don't ignore the signs when they come your way. Love and hugs to ya and thanks for the encouragement.

i read your story and at first i was soooo excited for you about your homecoming! its just the way i lay and dream of mine! i love my man sooooo unbeliavably much and i still worry that that same thing will happen to me like you. i am so sorry you have to go thru this. my man's been in and out a lot, most of his adult life, and he's been addicted to the same dumb sh**. i am being the strong one for us now, i moved out of the hood and am preparing a better life for us, but its up to him to do his part when he gets out, i can see it in his eyes now, he honestly does look tired of it all, so i can't just leave him because i'm scared of what MAY happen, its just a chance i have to take, its just instinct to follow our hearts. i hope you can get thru this, if you ever need to talk, pm me, god bless you

Tears,
I'm so sorry about what happened. I totally feel for you. It's like everyones nightmare come true. It's like we do so much for them and hope they would change and in the end the only person who has changed is us. You both are in my prayers. Keep your head up. Smile

so what are you going to do now? do you think he will call? again, i am so sorry, it is a scary story though, cuz i am scared of that sometimes happening to me, that drug is like the devil, i know cuz i was there, my man doesn't really have anyone but me either, his whole family is STILL on the shit, he never had a sober life thanks to his loser parent rolemodels

Thanks SOOOOOOOO MUCH Sweet Jamie and sunshine70!!!! Your encouraging words are really helping me to stay strong and keep my head up through this whole mess.

Jamie.... I wish I could send his a$$ down your way for a nice butt kickin!!!!! He really needs that right now but what the hell, he'd just go get all high right after and forget all about it anyways. I love you sweetie!!!!!!! We'll talk after work for sure!!!! We need to!!!!

Sunshine... this really is my nightmare come true and it sucks!!!! Can I wake up now PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!! I SOOOOOOOOO wish this were all just one really bad dream!!!!! It hurts too bad!!!!! You're SOOOOO right... I am the ONLY one who's changed here, him.... not even a lil bit!!!!!! :mad: :( What's SOOOOOOOOO sad about the whole thing is I'm NOT the one that needed to change!!!!!! HE DID!!!!!!!! Thanks for the prayers.... and all the love and support, I greatly appreciate it all!!!!!!!!

Awww Jess I am soooo so sorry to hear this has happened to you! You know we are all here for you if you need us!

HUGS
~Nikki~

Jess,
I just saw this, I am sorry, I have had a long few days!! You are in my thoughts and prayers. I love ya!
I am soooo sorry for what is happening with you! A good homecoming is what we all wished for. I know you especially. It is hard to find words that make a darn bit of sense right now. I am not sure that in this time there ever is!
Stay strong for YOU! I know it's kind of harsh, but you have to let him make his own bad choices, and when he is ready the right choices just happen! Addiction is a hard thing to deal with, and it never gets easier till he chooses to make it so.
I know that sounded crappy, but it's the stupid truth about this....ya know!!
I am hear for you if you need me. I will be thinking of both of you and praying that he finds what he needs to make his way back home again, so you can have your GOOD HOMECOMING!!
(((HUGS)))

Theresa

Jess,

Girl you are so beautiful-- inside and out-- and to top it off you are a have a wonderful personality and are the biggest sweetheart! Any man would die to have your cute lil self girl!!!! You deserve to be treated like a queen sweetie!! Nothing less! I had teary eyes when I read your post. I am so sorry you are going thru this crap. I am sure you will hear from John real soon and you know he will come running back if you do decide to leave him. It is not that he does not love you completely-- it's just heroin is the devil!!! I hope you and John are able to work things out because I know you love that man SOOOOO MUCH and it would be such a shame to throw it all away for some stupid worthless drugs!! I know he will come to his senses. You are strong and intelligent and I know you will make the right choice for yourself. Whatever that choice is-- I will stand behind you 100% girl. You will definitely be in my prayers sweetie!! Keep your head up mama it's going to be okay!!! Please keep us posted.

Lots of love,
Marie

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I don't really know what else to say that hasn't already been said...I just wanted to stop by and offer ya some ((((((huggs))))))

:grouphug:
Selena

You will get through this.I'm going to pray for you.I am truly sorry to hear all this.But I'm a firm beliver in suffering bringing blessings.It happens.God is real and loves you!Belive in yourself.

Tears, i am very sorry to hear about what happened. Is it just me, or all the men running mad around here. Gurl, we have so many single PTO=ers these days its just crazy. I know that time heals all wounds and that hopefully your man will get his shyt together. You are a good intelligent woman and need someone to support you. After all this time you supported him, it was his turn to step up and he didnt :( I am really sorry to hear this. Whats up with all dem mens flaking out?! He will be back, you just gotta stick to your guns, even if hes like "oh it was only one time, etc..." heroin is no joke. My fears are the same for when my friend Dave gets released, that he will turn back to meth :( I will keep you in my prayers...

MiaBellaAngela..... it's upsetting ain't it?? I was very very very happy about him coming home and now I just wish he were still in there.... at least I'd know where he was now!!! AND I wouldn't be hurting like this now either. Sweetie, he didn't learn at all from being in prison.... not even a lil bit. He really didn't even give the good life a chance... but in the long run, maybe that's better cuz I KNOW how things are now and I won't have to suffer through his mistakes anymore. Thanks SOOOOOOOO MUCH for the compliments and all the love, you have also touched my heart and I love ya for that!!!! Sometimes the very hardest things to do in life are the very best things you could do for your life and that is the case here with me and this man. I love him SOOOOOOOO MUCH and really don't want to let him go but I have to look out for me because he's not... he's for sure not gonna look out for me when all he's worried about is the drugs. Thanks for the prayers too sweetie, I know they will help!!! May God bless you for all your kindness
Honey all you can do is pray right now. I believe in the power of prayer. It might not always work out the way we want it to. But it will work out the way God wants it to. :grouphug: I know it hurts right now, very badly. As cliche as it sounds, I promise you it will get better. I am glad to hear that even in your sadness you remain strong! :thumbsup: Your next sparkle siggy is on me! :D

Girl, vent all you want to and be sure to keep us updated on how YOU are doing. I LOVE YOU MUCH!

Jess,

As usual, I'm late... I just don't know what to say other than I am SO sorry to hear this. I know the pain of loving an addict, luckily mine has been clean over 12 years now. Please take a few minutes for yourself. And when he calls, and we know he will, don't listen to the drugs talking. He'll be sorry, he'll want to come home, forget it. Offer him a ride to rehab and then hang up the phone. You have to take care of yourself, and let him do what he needs to do.

I hope things work out for the two of you, but I KNOW that whatever happens will be the right thing for YOU. It just may not feel like it right now. And- don't you dare for one minute take on any of the blame and guilt for HIS decisions. He's a big boy and it's time he started acting like one.

Missy

Amen!

Tears...I just got home from work and I have been checking everyday since he got home to see your posts...and now...I am SOO heartbroken for you! You love him more than he will ever understand. And it sucks soo bad that right away he is back to his old ways...he didn't even give life a chance yet! It upsets me SOO much...b/c I was a heroin addict!!! I know da*n well what that sh*t can do...and I NEVER wanna go back to that again. Da*n...he didn't even give it a chance!!!!
But what you said in your original post is SO true...you have done EVERYTHING that you can do. You can't run his life...he is grown...he's gotta do that himself. Unfortunetly...it takes so people ALOT to change their ways...and it just plain sucks that you have to be hurt in the process!!! Addiction is horrible...the ONLY thing you care about is getting that fix!! URGH...I am just soo frustrated to hear all this! You need to do what you gotta do girl. And maybe, just maybe when he realizes that you are gone...he will change his ways. But HE is the only person that can change them...you have do what you can. It is NOT your responsiblity! Do NOT feel guilty...it is in NO way your fault that he got back on that shit. B/C from what I read in your post...he already made his mind up a long time ago that he wasn't ready to give it up! DA*N...I wish there was SOMETHING I could say to change this...or to make you happy...but there isn't! Girl...you ARE very strong...I can tell just from the words you write. You know what is the best for you...I just hope that you do it...and don't let love blind you!!!!!! Keep your head up girl...I know it is hard right now...but after every dark night...there is light! If you need anything...I am here for you! Da*n f**k heroin...man, I hate that sh**!!! Hugs:p
-Jackie

Awwww baby I'm so sorry! I know the pain your feeling right now,while my story is different in the sense he didn't go back to drugs none the less we are no longer together and I feel your pain.I'm sorry I really am :( I'm here for you anytime yuou want to vent just as we all are.HUGS

Girl, vent all you want to and be sure to keep us updated on how YOU are doing. I LOVE YOU MUCH!
Jess what Cawillia has said goes for all of here!:grouphug: You take care of you and let him go. You are a woman with a big heart and so much to offer to someone else who can really appreciate you entirely. I know it hurts, and I know it hurts even more what I just said BUT if he really did not give freedom a fair chance then I don't believe he was ever serious in the first place with the things he told you! Take care of you, and if you need an ear or a shoulder I am here!

HUGS
~Nikki~

Jess,
And when he calls, and we know he will, don't listen to the drugs talking. He'll be sorry, he'll want to come home, forget it. Offer him a ride to rehab and then hang up the phone. You have to take care of yourself, and let him do what he needs to do.

It just may not feel like it right now. And- don't you dare for one minute take on any of the blame and guilt for HIS decisions. He's a big boy and it's time he started acting like one.

MissyI did this to my ex. He was upset with me but I knew I did the right thing. Later he understood why I did it.

Why would anyone want to live that kinda life when a good life is staring ya in the face???? :( :confused:

My thoughts exactly. And i am just so shocked that he went RIGHT back to it and so quickly! I'm just so shocked and sad. I can feel your hurt from here. We're here for you. :grouphug:

Hey girlie i havent gotten to know you on a personal level but i have keept up on your posts and i want to give you my deepest apologies. i truly am sorry but you know "what No man is worth your tears and the one that is wouldnt make you cry" unfortunately that doesnt always work that way but once again im so sorry and if you would like to talk , vent, cry or whatever you have my shoulder to cry on or anything else you need. PM me stay strong girl (((((((( HUGS ))))))))

Hey lady, things will look up, just pray, pray, pray!!!!!! The Lord will bless you!!!!!:thumbsup:

Hey sweet girl...
I haven't been around much, but I wanted to say i will be praying for you and you are in my thoughts....
You take care of you okay?
~Katie

im sooo sorry that things didnt go as planned. but honey he needs help. and the only way he going to get it is by getting it for himself. you've done all you can do,there's not much more you can do. but when it comes to drugs, you dont think about anything or anybody, you just want your hit. i was hoping for a happy home coming also :( again im sorry. stay strong

oh my goodness, I just saw this and I am at work trying not to cry... :cry: this is my worst fear.. I dread every day that Matt will come home and get back off into his drug of choice(not heroin but something just as bad) Oh my goodness is all I can say.. sweetie i am so sorry, and I know that does not make it feel better.. what can I say? what can I do? I am shocked and upset and hurt for you Jess.. I wish there was something I could do to make it all go away... :grouphug: all i can do is give you my love and support and too say girl I know how this feels.. I remember going to pick mine up from a hotel room after a night of partying, and i remember how it felt like someone was tearing my heart out to see him like that.. baby girl I am so sorry and i know I am rambling just my heart hurst for ya..

know that yes it is hard to separate but you almost have to get to the point where you have too. if he has really chosen to go back to that life what can you do? you can't live his life for him, and you can not force him to change... i pray that you do what is right for you and that you have the strength and the peace to do what you need to do..
be blessed and know that yes we are here for you for whatever you may need, and don't ever feel ashamed or embarassed.. :grouphug:

love you girl
Michele

I went through something like this with my man...when he origianaly got locked up he was in for a few months before he got bond and was able to get out. anyhow the whole time in hes like oh I dont want to do that anymor blah blah blah...that day I went to pick him up he did the same shit he didnt even go eat he wanted to straight to the hood..i was like are you serious?..so i told him how I felt and i left...last thing he said before i drove off was "imma change for you"..we broke up for 5 months...i spoke to his mom without him knowing...he called a few times..i heard he had changed ...and he did...finally he called me one day to apologize for everything he had done and invited to go with him to NA meeting so I can see how good he was doing...sometimes we have to be strong to help them be strong..reality sucks girl and I know it hurts..trust me Im scared that when he gets out he'll do the same thing all over again...:( ...hang in there cause if he loves you he will do it for you...if he doesnt than I am sure you will find someone who loves you the way you deserve. Trust me though however it works you will be fine. :grouphug:

"Be very careful if you make a woman cry, because The Great Spirit counts her tears.* The woman came out of a man's rib.* Not from his feet to be walked on.* Not from his head to be superior, but from the side to be equal.* Under the arm to be protected, and next to the heart to be loved."

He will have to answer for all you tears.
I will send my prayers up for both of you.
sorry you are going through this.

i copy what jackie said 110% you go girl :thumbsup: jess as always i am right here :)Tears...I just got home from work and I have been checking everyday since he got home to see your posts...and now...I am SOO heartbroken for you! You love him more than he will ever understand. And it sucks soo bad that right away he is back to his old ways...he didn't even give life a chance yet! It upsets me SOO much...b/c I was a heroin addict!!! I know da*n well what that sh*t can do...and I NEVER wanna go back to that again. Da*n...he didn't even give it a chance!!!!
But what you said in your original post is SO true...you have done EVERYTHING that you can do. You can't run his life...he is grown...he's gotta do that himself. Unfortunetly...it takes so people ALOT to change their ways...and it just plain sucks that you have to be hurt in the process!!! Addiction is horrible...the ONLY thing you care about is getting that fix!! URGH...I am just soo frustrated to hear all this! You need to do what you gotta do girl. And maybe, just maybe when he realizes that you are gone...he will change his ways. But HE is the only person that can change them...you have do what you can. It is NOT your responsiblity! Do NOT feel guilty...it is in NO way your fault that he got back on that shit. B/C from what I read in your post...he already made his mind up a long time ago that he wasn't ready to give it up! DA*N...I wish there was SOMETHING I could say to change this...or to make you happy...but there isn't! Girl...you ARE very strong...I can tell just from the words you write. You know what is the best for you...I just hope that you do it...and don't let love blind you!!!!!! Keep your head up girl...I know it is hard right now...but after every dark night...there is light! If you need anything...I am here for you! Da*n f**k heroin...man, I hate that sh**!!! Hugs:p
-Jackie

what a GREAT different prospective. i loved that"Be very careful if you make a woman cry, because The Great Spirit counts her tears.* The woman came out of a man's rib.* Not from his feet to be walked on.* Not from his head to be superior, but from the side to be equal.* Under the arm to be protected, and next to the heart to be loved."

He will have to answer for all you tears.
I will send my prayers up for both of you.
sorry you are going through this.

What goes around comes around, some day, he will know what he let go off, a strong, independent and beautiful woman. Just remember that saying, what goes around comes around, it always comes true, at least for myself it always does. It might not be tomorrow, or next month or this year, but your day will come! And you'll know it too when it does! I wish you all the best and I am sure that the right guy will not let you walk by!

Jess, I am so sorry that you have to go through all of this. I too know the pain that you are going through. My ex did the same thing except he wasn't locked up. He choose the booze and drugs over me and our child. The hardest thing that I ever had to do was to walk away and never look back. I too gave him plenty of chances and he just choose to ignore them.
Today I have a wonderful relationship with my husband (yea okay so he is in prison) this is someone that loves and treats us like we were gold. I get afraid that when he comes home that he will go straight back to pot, but deep down I know like you did when you looked into his eyes, that he won't. I can say that because he has never had anyone to really loose like us.

I know that this hurts, but just know that you are not at fault for any of it. He has a disease that has him by the a#@ and won't let up until he is dead. That is the sad part. That if he doesn't wake up it will happen. I will say some extra prayers for the both of you. I am here if you need me. Love Jeanne

I am so sorry you are going throught this... It seems like you have the right Idea though! You cant make him grow up! But dont be around him to get caught up in it as well! Stick to your grounds and when he calls dont go after him! Be strong... I hope it gets better with time! Good luck

Jess, girl I am SO sorry this happened to you. :( You deserve so much better sweetie and I know someone will come along who will treat you like a princess and respect you and love you like you should be girl! I know it hurts like hell right now and I am so sorry you are going through that pain. :( But try to be strong hun, and if he comes back around and he is back to his old ways (as it's pretty certain that he is) don't take him back, girl...you need and deserve so much more and don't let him get you caught up in all that. I wish I could give you better advice, but just now I, along with all your other PTO girlies :) am here for you. Big hugs, sweetie!! ((((((Hugs)))))) :grouphug: PM me anytime, if you ever need to talk! Love ya girl and I am sorry this happened!!

Love, Cel

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Hey girl!!! I hope you are doing better I have been thinking alot about you situation latly. I have been praying for you girl but you need to listen to all these smart girls up here you need to be strong you can only give him so much. I hope and pray that one day he does come around and get the help that he needs but right now it does not look like he wants that help.. If you need any thing i am here for you PM for anything stay strong ok :):grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

OK..... WOW!!!! I have quite a bit to respond to here!!!! I love you all for all this love and support.... ya'll are my biggest help in getting through this and you have NO IDEA just how much ALL OF YOU mean to me for all this support!!! Awww, Ya'll really make me feel SOOOOOOOO SPECIAL!!! Ok, I'ma TRY to respond to everyone here.... I'ma go in order. If I didn't respind to you, I'm SOOOOOOOOOO SORRY, I really am trying but what can I say, I got ALOT of love here!!!! And trust and believe me when I say that each and every one of you has alot of love from me too!!!!!!! ;) :p

Let me start out by saying that I do really feel a lil bit better today. My mind is a lil bit clearer and I'm starting to see things in a different light. I need to worry about ME ME MEEEEEEEEE now and forget about him. I gave him my heart, my love, my life..... MY EVERYTHING and he let me down BIG TIME!!!!!! :blah: It hurts SOOOOOOOOOO BAD still but I at least haven't cried yet today..... which is a very good thing because every other day I haven't been able to stop crying.

Ok, replying to all of you is going to be a lil harder then I thought because I can only see so many of your posts at a time when replying.... does that make any sense??? :confused: Ok, I'ma try anyways here.... just bear with me, I'm trying to get back to all of ya here!!! ;) :p

Thank you SOOOOOOOOO VERY MUCH for all the love support and prayers.... I need all that right now more then anything!!!! Sweetie, you KNOW I only wanted a GOOD homecoming and instead this man kicked me in the a$$!!!! :blah: Sweetie, you're very right, it is SOOOOOO hard to find the words in a situation like this but your prayers and support are way more then enough to help get me through and it all means SOOOOOOOO much to me!! You are SOOOOOOOO right, I need to let that man make his own decisions and live his own life.... he's a man, he just needs to act a lil more like one. I can't baby him, which is what I've always tried to do. What you have said is so true and I really appreciate your advice. Thanks SOOOOOOO much for all the love, support, prayers and encouragment. I will make it through this BECAUSE I have the support of all my PTO buddies here!!!! You are very sweet, God bless you!!!!! I have alot of love in my heart for ALLLLLLL of ya'll here for everything ya'll are doing. The prayers are much needed, please everyone... just keep prayin!!!!!!! I'm sure things will get better, God never lets any prayer go unanswered.
Jess,
I just saw this, I am sorry, I have had a long few days!! You are in my thoughts and prayers. I love ya!
I am soooo sorry for what is happening with you! A good homecoming is what we all wished for. I know you especially. It is hard to find words that make a darn bit of sense right now. I am not sure that in this time there ever is!
Stay strong for YOU! I know it's kind of harsh, but you have to let him make his own bad choices, and when he is ready the right choices just happen! Addiction is a hard thing to deal with, and it never gets easier till he chooses to make it so.
I know that sounded crappy, but it's the stupid truth about this....ya know!!
I am hear for you if you need me. I will be thinking of both of you and praying that he finds what he needs to make his way back home again, so you can have your GOOD HOMECOMING!!
(((HUGS)))

Theresa

My thoughts and prayers go out to you. :grouphug: Stay strong and do what you have to for yourself. YOU are your most important priority. May God Bless You and give you all the strength you need to get through this and move on to better things in your life.

TheEnigmaOfLife.... Thank you SOOOOOO much for all the love and support, I really do need as much of that as I can get right now. These are hard times but I KNOW I will at least make it through.... wish I could say the same for him. :( :mad: Just please keep us in your prayers... we need prayers, lots and lots of prayers!!!!! Thanks again for everything... may God bless you!!!!

Marie... Sweet JamesWifey.....you are SOOOOOOOO sweet!!!!! You made me cry with your post!!!!! You really touched my lil heart with what you had to say!!! Girly, I've already made my decision and it is OVER OVER OVER with for good between me and Mr. John over there. He is not trying to change at all and I REALLY cannot have that crap in my life!!!! I was just trying to help hi out but he just didn't want the help!!!!! Screw him then, sh**, I ain't gonna waste my time, as much as that hurts me because I REALLY LOVE HIM SOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH, I have to take care of me before anyone else. I KNOW he loves me, but like you said HEROIN IS THE DEVIL!!!! I HATE HEROIN!!!!!!!! :blah: :mad: :angry: It really is a shame that he decided to throw our love away because I just can't take this pain from him anymore. Maybe in the next lifetime, he won't be all fu**ed up on drugs and we'll make it... but I don't have much hope for this lifetime anymore. Thank you SOOOOOOO much for all your love, support and prayers... like I've said before and will say a MILLION times more... we NEED all the prayers we can get right now. That man is my love and he has my heart..... I just wish the best for him. Thanks again for everything, you've really touched my heart!!!!

Waiting again.... Thanks so much for your support!!! I really do appreciate it!!! I have SOOOOOOOOO much support from everyone here and I just can't tell ya'll enough just how much I really do appreciate it all!!!! ;) Thanks again for everything and please keep us in your prayers!!!!!

joenash4lyf....... you are always such a sweetheart!!!! Thank you for the love and support!!! Also, thanks a million for the prayers!!! I'm loving me some prayers right now!!!!!!! sh**, I'm NEEDING me some prayers right now!! Gosh, I kinda feel like a broken record with all this cuz I keep saying the same thing over and over but I just want to respond to everyone!!! Thanks again for everything!!!

May God bless ALLLLLLLLLLLLLL OF YOU for all the mad love and support!!!! I truly appreciate it and all of you have such kind loving hearts!!!!! May God bless everyone for the kindness, love and support that you have offered me here!!! You have ALLLLLLLLLLLLL touched my heart with your kindness and I will always hold every dear to me for that reason!!!!!!!! I love all of ya SOOOOOOOOOOO much and wouldn't be able to get through this without ya'll!!!!!!!

((((((((((((hugs)))))))))) Jess,

I am glad that you are doing what you have to do and you sound ok. Yes you are cared for very much at PTO.

This is NOT your fault. THe call of addiction is much more powerful then even their love for loved ones including children. Until he is READY to do whatever it takes to get clean and sober including a different life friends, etc. you can do nothing but continue to go on with your life. If you are having major problems with this, Nar-anon and Ala-Non are wonder support groups for family and friends of Addict/Alcoholics.

Him going back to herion is not because he doesn't care...his intentions while in prison were on the up and up probably and he most-likely meant everything he said to you...his choices have nothing to do with his feelings for you, but often times unless you make a complete break and stop letting him know you will be there whether he quits or not, won't give him what he needs to hit his bottom which normally has to happen before an addict is ready to quit. Unfortunately really bad things often have to happen...

I wish you all the best and know we are there for you in whatever way you need us to be.

Now that I got some food in my system FINALLY.... I'ma finish replying to all of ya!!!! ;) Hmmmmm, where was I .....

Sdylan06.... what am I gonna do now? I'ma live MY LIFE TO THE FULLEST!!!!!!!! I'm really not sure if he will call... probably, after his gate money's all gone and he needs someone to pay for his fu**ed up habit!! News flash for his a$$.... that somebody WILL NOT NOT NOT be me!!!!! I will never let a single penny of my money go to that sh**!!!! It's hard to leave him in the dust like this because I KNOW he doesn't really have anyone else to help him out of this mess and support him but he made this choice himself. I ain't gonna stick around trying to help someone who could care less. I wish you and your man the BEST and I really hope HE does change!!!! God bless you sweetie!!

Asweetangel99..... LOL sweetie, I think you're right.... just about all the men are running a muck right now!!!!!! :blah: A$$HOLES BETTER STOP IT NOW!!!!!! :blah: But hey, it's their decisions, not ours, they gotta learn to be MEN, REAL MEN!!!!!! John's not being a real man, he's being a REAL LIL BOY right now!!!!!! Man, that's his loss at this point... I offered him the world and he'd rather have just the streets!!!!! He'll wake up and realize that he fu**ed up ONE DAY... but as of right now it's already too late!!!! I'M GONE!!!!!!! I'll be here for him if he ever decides to change, I'll always be his friend and I'll always love him BUT we wiull NEVER be together again. That's how I feel at this point. Thank you SOOOOOOO much for the support and prayers.... I do really need all that right now!!!! May God bless you and your kind heart!!!

MiaBellaAngela.... My sweet friend..... I agree, all I can do is pray right now!!! I also believe in the power of prayer. I know it will get better and God WILL answer all the prayers!!! I just wish the very best for that man because I KNOW I'll be fine, it's him who won't!!! May God bless you for all your love, kindness, support and prayers. I love ya SOOOOOOO much for all of that!!! Now that you mention it.... can you make me a sparkly siggy that says "I will make it... God is with me!" in green. Thank you SOOOOOOOO much sweetie, I think that would be a good motivation for me right now!!!!! Much love and hugs to you sweetie!!!!

Cawillia.... Thanks SOOOO much but maybe that was a bad idea to offer me to vent all I want.... LOL, I'ma vent ya'lls ears off then!!! :p J/K but yeah, thank you for that, you know I need alot of love and support right now!!! I will be sure to keep everyone updated on ME, I don;t know if I'll hear much about him to update ya'll on anyways!!!!!! Thanks for all the love and support hon!!!!!! I love ya for everything.... hugs to ya and may God bless you!!!!!!

Ndocwife.... Thank you honey!!! That's VERY HOPEFUL news to hear that your love has been clean for 12 years!!! I PRAY John will get out of this very soon and change his life.... not for me, but for himself!!! Thank you VERY MUCH for your advice, I really appreciate it SOOOOOO much because your word have helped me!!! I WILL NOT listen to the drug talking through him and I WILL NOT let him come back home.... I like your idea about offering a ride to rehab and then hanging up.... I'ma do that when he does call. ;) You're very right, I need to take care of myself now... no more catering to his every need!!! Screw that, it's Jessica time now!!! Don't worry sweetie, I will not take on any blame for how he is fu**ing up his life.... I TRIED to help, I did ALL I could, now there's nothing left for me to do for him. Thanks again for all the love support and advice.... I really appreciate it all!!! Please keep me and him in your prayers still... I want him to have the best.... I won't be the one to give it to him but MAYBE God can help him to open his eyes!!!!

I really feel for you, but I believe that you will and have come out on top. At least you know now and not later. Who knows what he would have done down the rode when he needed money? Just hang in there and pray for him. Pray that God will step in and help him to change directions and not follow the rode he is on for long. Pray that God will show him, really there is nothing you can do for him, you just gotta put it in Gods hands and leave it there.

Blessings

hello there jess girlie-girl!!! :wave:
I'm so glad to see that you are doing a little better today. NO MORE TEARS GIRL, NO MORE TEARS!!!
I'm so sorry about my stupid phone yesterday, but we did get to talk for a while and had a good long talk...you just keep talking girl, cuz that is what's gonna get you through this. I prayed for you last night and I know that God is with you right now, getting you through this... :)
Sweetie, I am here for you whenever you need me, you should already know that by now... :D
keep your head up!!!

I hate to here stories like this, I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this mess after you stood by him. You can do better and you do deserve better. My prayers are with you in whatever you may decide to do.

Im Glad To Know Your Doing Better...... Its All That Cali Love Isn't It? Is The Sun Shinning Down On You Now? I Sure Hope So......... You Go Girl! Stay Strong, You Know Were All Here For You Whenever You Need Us.....

Blondie6285.... Thank you SOOOOOOOO much for your kind words, love and support!!! I can almost feel your anger in your post.... I know it's probably because you've been there and know what it's like and just don't want anyone to feel that. I just wish he would have given life and me a real chance instead of just giving up and taking the easy way out by doing the drug. I HATE HATE HATE HEROIN SOOOOOOOO MUCH and always will!!! I have watched SOOOOOOO many people I care about throw their life away for that crap and it always hurts me SOOOOOO BAD!!!! I wanna give you MAD PROPS for getting clean yourself, I've never done the drug and don't ever want to but I DO KNOW that is the hardest addiction to break and you are SOOOOOOOO STRONG for breaking it!!! You go girly!!!! You are very right, I have done ALL I CAN to help him and I can't blame myself in anyway.... and please believe that I DON'T blame myself.... I TRIED, I DID!!!! He just can't handle the real world I guess. That's just SAD for him.... I'll move on and be fine but he's got a BIG problem on his hands and it ain't getting any better... only worse. Thanks SOOOOOOOOO MUCH for all the support, it really means alot to me!!!! You too have touched my heart and I am very thankful for PTO because of people like yourself!!!!

Cali..... LOOK!!!! I Think my man's (or ex-man I should say) a jerk and a half now too!!!!! :blah: :blah: I know you know how I feel and our mens can be jerks together... and I hope they are miserable jerks at that!!!!!! :blah: Sweetie, you have always showed me so much love and support in him coming home. I thank you for all that love and support and I want you to know that I am also always here for you!!! You are SOOOOOOO sweet and I hope we both make our lives WAY BETTER and get over these fu**ed up men very soon!!!! Keep your heasd up, as you KNOW I am trying to do and stay strong!!! Much love and hugs to you and may God bless you for all the love and support you have always offered me!!! I love ya for all that girly!!!!!

Theenigmaoflife.... thank you SOOOOO MUCH once again!!! Ya'll really do make me feel SOOOOOOO loved here!!!!! And I love ya'll too!!! Also, I think you're right, I don't think he was ever serious about ANYTHING either.... ohh well, his mistake and loss!!!! Thank you for keeping it real with me... I love honesty!!!!! Thanks again for everything and May God bless you for your kind heart!!!!

juliwaits.... isn;t that such a shame that he didn't even TRY to do good.... just RIGHT AWAY, BAM, back to the streets and drugs!!!! He's only fu**ing up his own life cuz I ain't about to let him fu** up mine at all!!!! Thanks so much for the love and support, I need all I can get at this point!!! Please pray for us!!! Thanks again for everything and God bless you hon!!

Hermosa18... OMG girly, you just sid the most real thing I have ever heard.... and I'm about to live by it too!!!! "No man is worth my tears and the one that is WON'T make me cry!!" This is SOOOOOOO TRUE and I thank you SOOOO much for saying it to me!!! I needed that, it was like a big reality check for me!!! I need to NOT cry for him at all anymore.... he's not worth my tears!!! I want to thank you for all the love and support that you've offered me!!! You are very kind and have also touched my heart!!! May God bless you and your kind heart!!!

turtleluv... you're very right... and thank you so much!!!! Things WILL look up sooner or later and God WILL bless me!!!! I will continue to pray and if you can, please pray for us too!!!! Much love and hugs to you and may God bless you for your kindness!!!

Katie..... sweetie, thank you for the prayers, we both need them right now although I KNOW he really needs them because he's just screwing up!!! I will take care of ME and only ME.... not him anymore!!! Thanks for all the love and support that you are always there to offer me!!! You are such a sweetie and I love ya for all that you are!!!

brownshuga27.... you're SOOOOOOOO RIGHT... he sure does NEED help BADLY!!!! And I can't be the one to help him cuz I gave it my ALL and he didn't want it!!! He'd rather have that stupid nasty drug over me... fine, that's on him!!! I WON'T SUFFER ANYMORE!!!!! thanks so much for all your love and support, it really does help ALOT!!! much love and hugs to you and please keep praying for us!!!

Mattsbabe.... sweetie, I also hope your Matt does NOT NOT NOT come out to do his drug too!!!! I had SOOOOOO much faith in John and really believed that he wanted and would change his life... what can I say.... I was wrong!!!! There's no real words of choice that will make me totally feel better right now but I want you to know that just having the love and support of all my PTO girlys is the best any girl could ask for at a time like this!!! Ya'll are keeping me sane here (with the help of my Mary Jane too of course) but still, ya'll are making the REAL difference in lifting me back up!!! Thanks for all the love ans support and may God bless you for everything!!!! Sweetie, I AM at the point where I HAVE to leave him and I think that's what hurts me the most... to think of my life without him after I've spent so much time building my life around him. I'll get through.... just keep praying for us PLEASE.... we needs the prayers!!!! All we can get, hopefully they'll get through to him! you are such a sweetheart and I want to thank you for all your kind words, love and support!!!! You have helped ALOT, just by being you and offering your support to me!!!!! May God bless you hon!!!

LilboobooEV... GIRL.... you give me hope!!!! ALOT OF HOPE here!!!!!! I hope John will wake up and make that same change in his life.... if not for me, then for his kids and himself!!!! Thank you so much for sharing your story with me because you really have left me hopeful over here!!!! I know I'll be ok, I'm more worried about him right now!! I just can't help but fear getting a phone call some day telling me he OD'd or something like that. That would kill me inside for sure... I wish I could help him but I KNOW I've already done all I can... he has to do for himself now. May God bless you sweetie!!!! Thanks so much for all the love and support and PLEASE pray for us!!!

Ravenslove..... AAWWWWWWWWW Thank you SOOOOO SOOOOO SOOOOOOOOO much for those kind encouraging words sweetie!!! You are so right on that one!!!! You have made me cry once again but not because I'm sad but because your words have really touched me!!! You're right.... HE will have to answer for my tears and thank you SOOOOOOOO much for all the prayers.... I need 'em and so does John. I have a good feeling about things now with all these prayers coming through for me. I KNOW we won't be together again but I still hope he changes things around in his life.... I still love him. Thanks once again for those inspirational words.... You are such a sweetheart and have truly touched my heart!!! May God bless you!!!!

OK.... Whoa, this is REALLY HARD to respond to EVERYONE here, I have to much love coming in but it is ALLLLLLLLLLL APPRECIATED and I hold ALLLLLLLLL OF YOU dear to my heart for taking the time to send your love and support my way. Ya'll have honestly helped me to feel so much better and I am very lucky to have found such kind and caring people as yourselves. EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU have touched my heart in your own way and I mean that!!!!! I've TRIED to reply to everyone and I still have quite a few people to still answer to and I hope ya'll understand that I just want all of you to know how much I appreciate all this love and support. I love you all for being here for me.... and I mean that from the bottom of my heart!!!!

Bailey B... You are SOOOOOOOO right.... what goes around does come around and he will get his for this. Even though I don't wish any kind of pain on him because I love him, he's gonna get what's coming to him because karma is a VERY REAL and SERIOUS thing and I know that is true. Thank you so much for all the love and encouragment, I needed that!!! I will never let myself forget that what goes around does indeed come back around....... watch out now John, it's headed your way baby!!!!!!! May God bless you sweetie, thanks again for everything!!!!

Jftazzy102...... I must say I am very sorry to you that your childs father would let go of something SOOOOOO special and precious just for booze and drugs!!! I don't know what I would do if that mans kids were MY kids and he walked out on my for drugs like this!!! He does have kids with another chick and I still feel for them because they really don't deserve to have their dad all gone like he is!!!! I KNOW you and your child are BOTH better off now because the pain that these people cause our hearts only gets worse and worse if you try and stay around. In my opinion.... Pot is NOT that bad, I too smoke pot and I still have all my sh** straight. Got my brand new car, nice house, good job and I don't take anything in my life for granted. I guess everyone handles everything differently, but if your hubby comes out to do pot, it might not turn out to be that bad.... but then again, I'm in CA and pot is really not a big deal in this state, it's all the other drugs that are a problem. Still, good luck to you and your love with all that and I'm sure he will not let you down sweetie!!!!! Especially sice he has someone so loving and caring right by his side. Stay there for that man and show him all the love in the world, it will come right back to you 10 fold hon!!!! Thank you SOOOOOOO much for all your love and support, and PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE keep praying for us!!!! Much love and hugs to you and may God bless you and your love!!!!

OK.... I'm SOOOOOOOOOOO SORRY EVREYONE but my head is spinning over here and I only have an hour left of work before I go home for the day.... I gotta get somethings DONE now.

To everyone that I didn't get to personally respond too..... I still love all of you and am very thankful to have ya'll here for me!!!! I meant it when I said that each and every one of you have touched my heart in your own lil way and I love all of ya for it too!!!!!! I will make it through for sure, as long as I have all this support and love from everyone here. I'ma try to get back on when I get home and finish replying to everyone else but if I can't PLEASE don't take it personally, I love all of you!!!!!!! I appreciate all of your love and support and every one of you has REALLY touched my heart!!!!

Lovenomore... Thank you so much for all the love and support, it means so much to me!! You are very right, I do need to stay away from him or else I will end up getting caught up for his BS and I don't need that. I REALLY don't need that at all!!! And sweetie, TRUST and BELIEVE that I WILL NOT NOT NOT go after him if he calls me, I'ma tell him that he needs help and he needs to get it on his own, I can't help him anymore because I'm really only hurting myself. I've pretty much got it all planned out on what I'm gonna say when he calls cuz I KNOW he will.... when he needs money or some BS like that. It's sad what drugs will do to a person... it hurts.... unfortunately it seems to hurt me WAY WAY WAY more then it hurts him, but I know that's just the drug. Thanks again for all the love and support!!! You are very sweet and I really do appreciate all that support!!! May God bless you and your kind heart!!!

Cel..... Sweet sweet Celene..... Sweetie, I love ya!!!! Thank you SOOOOOO much for all your love and support and mad encouragment, you KNOW I really appreciate it and I love you for it all too!!! Whenever I have a problem, you're always there with support and kind words, you are just SOOOOOOO SWEET!!!!! Girly, I PROMISE I will NOT take that man back as long as he's into his BS, which will most likely be always (or at least for a LONG TIME) SOOOOOOOOOOO, I don't think we'll ever be together again!!! I WILL NOT NOT NOT take him back, that drug is the devil and it has grabbed ahold of him and just ain't letting him go..... or he's not letting IT go but either way, they ain't parting ways.... Soooooo, I gotta do the parting or ways here!!!!! You feel me?? ;) I don't know who the right man is for me, or how he is, or ANYTHING but I do KNOW that he is not a heroin addict and he will NEVER act how this man is acting now. I love him SOOOOO much but at the same time, I kinda hate him right now.... maybe not HIM but who he is when he's on the drug.... that's not MY JOHN!!!!!! I have to accept the fact that I can't change him and I have to let him go..... he needs to learn sh** on his own now.... I can't help anymore, I love him but there's just nothing left for me to do. Thanks again SOOOOOOOO much for showing me that mad love and support, you KNOW I LOVE YA FOR IT!!!!!! You have a heart or GOLD and I am SOOOOOOO glad to know you sweetie!!!! Love and hugs to ya sweetie!!!!

Emm... You thought I forgot you, huh sweetie?!?! YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!! You are always gonna be my big sissy best friend and I am SOOOOOOOOO glad to have all your love and support now and always!!!!! You have seriously been here for me LIKE HELLA WHOA!!!!!!! :eek: :p You have for reals heard me cry cry cry and ALLLLLL THAT like no other in the world..... and you've just been there for me through it all!!!!! I'm SOOOOOOO glad I have you by my side, you help me keep my mind off things and I LOVE you for everything!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You're my best friend in the world and I don't know what I'd do without ya at this point..... thank you SOOOOOOO much for EVERYTHING you have done for me!!!!!!! Soon, we'll be in the same state and we'll be causin' mayhem all up in TX for sure.... I can't wait, we're gonna have FUN!!!!!!!! I love you sweetie and I'll talk to you very soon, I know that and so do you!!!!!! Hugs and smooches baby gurl!!!!!!!!

Girl your fingers are gonna fall off.....that ain't takin care of you like I told you to....you dont need to be getting arthritis at such a young age!!!
Just kiddin.....
Hope all is well with ya
~Katie

Jess, thank you for your kind and loving words of wisdom. I love you girl and will continue to pray for both of you. You are a strong woman and God will take care of you. You also have a heart of gold. Stay strong and know that I am always here for you no matter. PM me if you ever need to talk. Love Jeanne

I have been reading all of your posts to this thread and my advice to this young lady is to kick that guys butt to the curb for good. He is never going to change until he hits rock bottom - hard and fast. Even then, the odds are against him that he will make any changes. Only the strong survive addiction.


I am so glad to hear that you have decided to take care of yourself and forget about him. He is on his own. He is responsibile for all the choices that he makes. No one else. Stick to you guns about walking away from him. I know you love him and your resolve will diminish as soon as you hear from him, and you will want to help him again. Don't. If you do, you enable him to remain the drug addicted individual he is. These people always go back to the people they can count on time after time after time when the money runs out, they need a place to stay or even if they are just hungry. They will tell you exactly what you want to hear just so they can get what they need at the moment from you. Then its right back to the same ole lifestyle again. Walk away now while you have some of your sanity left. It will do him a world of good to realize that he can no longer count on you. Either he will see himself for what he really is and try to make changes, or he will latch on to someone else to use. That is what these people do. They use the people that care about them the most. If he really cared about you and himself, he would get himself out of this current lifestyle he has chosen for himself. Only he can do that. No one else. Make him be responsible for himself and his choices. It is your choice to not have anything to do with him. Make sure he understands that. He chose to remain in his addicted lifestyle, and that because of his choice, your choice then is to not be involved with him on any level. Your decision is based on his decision and his choices. Please, please stick to your guns like you've stated throughout this thread and get rid of him. He had his chance. He blew it. Take care of yourself first from now on.

I love you sweetie and I'm always here!! STAY ENCOURAGED!! :)

Just checking in on you girl.I know how bad it hurts and I wish you didn't have to go through this :(
Hang in there,lots of love and hugs being sent your way

you just went through a big fear of mines..........i fear that my man will do wrong when i know he has to do rite...he is a damn singer/rapper..was sucessful and could still be when he gets out but he gotta leave them streets alone..but as for your situation..im so sorry to hear that..i am deeply touched by your story and maybe if you could..just keep posted....thanks

Cel..... Sweet sweet Celene..... Sweetie, I love ya!!!! Thank you SOOOOOO much for all your love and support and mad encouragment, you KNOW I really appreciate it and I love you for it all too!!! Whenever I have a problem, you're always there with support and kind words, you are just SOOOOOOO SWEET!!!!! Girly, I PROMISE I will NOT take that man back as long as he's into his BS, which will most likely be always (or at least for a LONG TIME) SOOOOOOOOOOO, I don't think we'll ever be together again!!! I WILL NOT NOT NOT take him back, that drug is the devil and it has grabbed ahold of him and just ain't letting him go..... or he's not letting IT go but either way, they ain't parting ways.... Soooooo, I gotta do the parting or ways here!!!!! You feel me?? ;) I don't know who the right man is for me, or how he is, or ANYTHING but I do KNOW that he is not a heroin addict and he will NEVER act how this man is acting now. I love him SOOOOO much but at the same time, I kinda hate him right now.... maybe not HIM but who he is when he's on the drug.... that's not MY JOHN!!!!!! I have to accept the fact that I can't change him and I have to let him go..... he needs to learn sh** on his own now.... I can't help anymore, I love him but there's just nothing left for me to do. Thanks again SOOOOOOOO much for showing me that mad love and support, you KNOW I LOVE YA FOR IT!!!!!! You have a heart or GOLD and I am SOOOOOOO glad to know you sweetie!!!! Love and hugs to ya sweetie!!!!


Sweetie you are so welcome!! I will try to PM you back tonight, sorry girl I was having some depression this weekend but I am doing much better now, so I will get at you tomorrow at the latest! :) I just wanted to check back on you and see how you were doing! I am so sorry too that you are having to go through all this, but you are SO strong girl, you really are. You are an inspiration for all women, for the strength you have. Even while going through the hardest of times, you are so sweet and kind to others, still so thoughtful. You are awesome girl and I know someone is out there waiting for you who is fifty million times better for you than that loser :blah: and who will treat you like a queen! I love ya too girl, I am here anytime, I promise!!! *Hugs*
Love, Cel

Tears,How are you holding up?????? HUGS

Hey everyone!!! I have been SOOOOOOOOO SUPER BUSY these past couple days and haven't really been able to get on PTO much!!! I'm sorry!!!!! I'm doing alright, it still kinda hurts but I am staying strong and keeping my head up over here. I've gotten quite a few PMs lately and I feel bad that I haven't responded yet, but I will, I promise!!!! As soon as I get a chance, I'll responde to all of ya!!! Thanks SOOOOOOO much to everyone for all your kindness, love and HELLA SUPPORT!!!!!!!!! Ya'll are the best and are really helping me get through this whole mess with my head up!!!! I honestly don't think I'd be doing this well if it wasn't for all of you, I mean that too!!!! I love all of you and thank you once again for everything!!!!! All of you are SOOOOOO SWEET AND CARING and I've got alot of love for all of ya for that reason!!!!! Love ya always!!!! God bless each and every one of you here!!!!!

How are ya hun? I miss ya Jess!! Holla at me! love you!! :)

Tears...I am happy to hear that you are taking care of yourself. Keep your head up and don't let ANYONE bring you down!!! You know what you need to do for YOU...I just hope that you continue to be strong and don't fall back into this sh** again. I wish you the VERY best the world has to offer! Hugs:p
-Jackie

Wow,

I know a little bit of what you are going through. My husband is in for many years right now because of his drug addiction. I have hung in there through treatment, jail, more treatment, prison, more prison, treatment, jail. I'm always there with him during the waiting...and when he gets out and uses again. We are so hopeful as women in love with these men. Then they crash and burn and we are left with ashes to sweep up. But I always say I will rise like a Phoenix out of the ashes. You will too. Be good to yourself. My husband used to say the drug was like another woman and that's the part that really hurt. To love this desperately and get the same result over and over is sooooo sad. But I can only imagine the hell they are in with the drug calling them. I know they don't want the addiction...but to overcome it is only with God's supernatural help...one can't begin to do it on self power. God Bless!

Thanks to all of you for all the mad love and support ya'll have offered me!!!! Ya'll are the BEST support system a girl could ever ask for and I'm so thankful to have found this place!!!!!! I'm doing pretty good, just keeping my head up and trying to stay strong in this. I just wish there was SOMETHING I could do to help him and pull his butt outta this mess but.... he doesn't want to change and he refused my help already, so there's nothing I can do. I accept that but it still hurts so bad. I guess love just hurts. I've been keeping myself really busy just to try and keep my mind off of this and it's been working pretty well so far. I still have my times where I miss him like crazy and I get sad about all of this.... like last night was a really hard night for me. For some reason I just kept thinking about him and wondering if he's ok or not. I'll probably be doing that for a while... but I WILL BE OK!!!! ;) I'm trying to stay really strong here because the more I let this break me down then the worse things will be for me and I don't need that. Thanks again for all the love and support EVERYONE!!!!!!! Ya'll are the very best and I love all of you so much!!!!!! Each and every one of you has really touched my heart and helped me to keep my head up and I can't thank you all enough for that!!!!! :D :p ;) Much love and hugs to all of you and thanks once again for everything!!!!!!! Keep prayin' if ya'll can, I know they're helping.

Love always,
Jess

aww girl...with time things will get easier...i will keep u in my prayers no doubt... :o