softheart
03-01-2003, 12:53 AM
I am not sure where this is suppose to be posted, but I am sure emme will move it were it belongs. Won't you emme...:)
Someone who is a member here and that I am close too told me while I was gone people were posting their stories of abuse and being survivors. I missed all those post, but they told me I should post my story, so I thought about it and decided to bare my soul. I have shared my story over the years with many in hopes that it would help one person.
I was married at the age of 13, to a man who was 14 years older then I was. Yes my Mother signed the papers anything to get rid of me. I wanted away from her as much as she wanted away from me. I looked at my first husband as my knight in shinning armor; yeah right he was my Mother only in male form. I had two sons from that marriage one at the age of 14 and one at the age of 19. I left my husband when my second son was two months old. I was so afraid he would hurt my boys. He had put me in the hospital 27 times in one year with broken bones. I stayed, many ask why. Because I believed I would change him and I also believed everyone lived like that since I was raised like that. The day I left him I went to my Mothers house, I was beaten so bad if I would have not had my sons with me she wouldn・t have known who I was. The day I divorced my ex-husband he walked by me in court and said I will get you one day mark my word Bitch, you won・t leave me. Those words rang in my head for years. He stalked me, he stalked my boys, and he threatened my boys and me constantly. In those days you couldn・t get any help from the police or the courts. So after looking over my shoulder for so long I left Oregon and came to stay with a friend here in Washington and went into hiding.
I decided to go back to school, I first got my GED, then I wanted to give back and work with kids and families, so maybe they wouldn・t have to go through what I went through. So I got my AA in drug and alcohol counseling, I received my degree in Solution Focus counseling for DASA, then I went on the get my Masters in Psychology with an emphases on family counseling. I also receive my BA in Adolescence Psychology. I had always wanted to learn, but was never allowed too first by my Mother and then my husband. I was in hiding so now I was free to be me. I went to school worked full time and raised my sons. My life was going well and the past seemed a long far away dream at this point, for the first time in my life I was safe.
In 1989 my Dad passed away, my Mom was a case after that worse then she ever was. Eighteen months later my Mom passed away. There were a lot of problems with my oldest son, who was just like his Father he beat his wife. Any way that is a whole different story, 4 moths after my Mom died, my son and daughter in law were killed. I felt because it had been so many years I would be safe and my ex had a right to know what happened to his son. I was sure at this point he had gone on with his life, so I called his sister and told her where I was and what had happen and that Rob needed to know. At that very moment my life was to change forever and I had not a clue what I had just done when I told her. He called me within a couple hours and of course blamed me for killing his son, which I had nothing to do with. My ex had waited all those years to get me and to make what he had said in court come true, that he would get me.
Six days from that phone call I made I was coming home and had my key in the door and the next thing I woke up in the hospital, I had been shot with a 300 savage and stabbed 67 times. I spent 28 days in the hospital. They were looking for my ex, but could not find him. They told me I couldn・t go home, until he was caught. I said BS I am going home, this man terrorized me for years and years and I will not allow him to ever control me again. So I went home against everyone・s advice. My best friend was staying with me, because I could barley walk and she wanted to be there if something did happen. Well I was home 5 days and she had gone downtown to the store, she was gone maybe 30 mins. When she came back she found me on the floor next to the bed. My ex had been watching and knew she was gone. That time he shot me with a 306 and stabbed me 47 times. I died twice once in the ambulance and once on the operating table. I spent 32 days in the hospital that time and they had still not caught him. They said the same thing that I could not go home until he was caught. I said the same thing BS I am going home. A couple days before I was to be released I got to thinking this is crazy he is going to kill me. I can・t go home, so I went and stayed with a friend in Seattle. The police were in my house waiting knowing he would come back. One week later he broke in the house, the police said he knew they were in there and he started shooting they shot and killed him in my living room.
This may sound crazy, but I felt certain sadness when he was killed, he was a monster, but he was the Father of my children. I went to the funeral home and looked at him and at that moment I was able to forgive him for all he had done. I knew that if I didn・t forgive him and let go, that even dead he would win, he would have had control of my whole life. That day I became a survivor not a victim.
I share this because I want anyone who is in that situation to know you can・t change them, it won・t be different this time, love isn・t suppose to hurt. And although you believe you aren・t worth it, you are worth it. You are a wonderful caring loving person, who has a right to be loved and cared for without it hurting.
There is a very good book called Defending Our Lives by Susan Murphy-Milano. Please read it and know there are people out there who will help you and who care and will help you get out safely.
softie
Someone who is a member here and that I am close too told me while I was gone people were posting their stories of abuse and being survivors. I missed all those post, but they told me I should post my story, so I thought about it and decided to bare my soul. I have shared my story over the years with many in hopes that it would help one person.
I was married at the age of 13, to a man who was 14 years older then I was. Yes my Mother signed the papers anything to get rid of me. I wanted away from her as much as she wanted away from me. I looked at my first husband as my knight in shinning armor; yeah right he was my Mother only in male form. I had two sons from that marriage one at the age of 14 and one at the age of 19. I left my husband when my second son was two months old. I was so afraid he would hurt my boys. He had put me in the hospital 27 times in one year with broken bones. I stayed, many ask why. Because I believed I would change him and I also believed everyone lived like that since I was raised like that. The day I left him I went to my Mothers house, I was beaten so bad if I would have not had my sons with me she wouldn・t have known who I was. The day I divorced my ex-husband he walked by me in court and said I will get you one day mark my word Bitch, you won・t leave me. Those words rang in my head for years. He stalked me, he stalked my boys, and he threatened my boys and me constantly. In those days you couldn・t get any help from the police or the courts. So after looking over my shoulder for so long I left Oregon and came to stay with a friend here in Washington and went into hiding.
I decided to go back to school, I first got my GED, then I wanted to give back and work with kids and families, so maybe they wouldn・t have to go through what I went through. So I got my AA in drug and alcohol counseling, I received my degree in Solution Focus counseling for DASA, then I went on the get my Masters in Psychology with an emphases on family counseling. I also receive my BA in Adolescence Psychology. I had always wanted to learn, but was never allowed too first by my Mother and then my husband. I was in hiding so now I was free to be me. I went to school worked full time and raised my sons. My life was going well and the past seemed a long far away dream at this point, for the first time in my life I was safe.
In 1989 my Dad passed away, my Mom was a case after that worse then she ever was. Eighteen months later my Mom passed away. There were a lot of problems with my oldest son, who was just like his Father he beat his wife. Any way that is a whole different story, 4 moths after my Mom died, my son and daughter in law were killed. I felt because it had been so many years I would be safe and my ex had a right to know what happened to his son. I was sure at this point he had gone on with his life, so I called his sister and told her where I was and what had happen and that Rob needed to know. At that very moment my life was to change forever and I had not a clue what I had just done when I told her. He called me within a couple hours and of course blamed me for killing his son, which I had nothing to do with. My ex had waited all those years to get me and to make what he had said in court come true, that he would get me.
Six days from that phone call I made I was coming home and had my key in the door and the next thing I woke up in the hospital, I had been shot with a 300 savage and stabbed 67 times. I spent 28 days in the hospital. They were looking for my ex, but could not find him. They told me I couldn・t go home, until he was caught. I said BS I am going home, this man terrorized me for years and years and I will not allow him to ever control me again. So I went home against everyone・s advice. My best friend was staying with me, because I could barley walk and she wanted to be there if something did happen. Well I was home 5 days and she had gone downtown to the store, she was gone maybe 30 mins. When she came back she found me on the floor next to the bed. My ex had been watching and knew she was gone. That time he shot me with a 306 and stabbed me 47 times. I died twice once in the ambulance and once on the operating table. I spent 32 days in the hospital that time and they had still not caught him. They said the same thing that I could not go home until he was caught. I said the same thing BS I am going home. A couple days before I was to be released I got to thinking this is crazy he is going to kill me. I can・t go home, so I went and stayed with a friend in Seattle. The police were in my house waiting knowing he would come back. One week later he broke in the house, the police said he knew they were in there and he started shooting they shot and killed him in my living room.
This may sound crazy, but I felt certain sadness when he was killed, he was a monster, but he was the Father of my children. I went to the funeral home and looked at him and at that moment I was able to forgive him for all he had done. I knew that if I didn・t forgive him and let go, that even dead he would win, he would have had control of my whole life. That day I became a survivor not a victim.
I share this because I want anyone who is in that situation to know you can・t change them, it won・t be different this time, love isn・t suppose to hurt. And although you believe you aren・t worth it, you are worth it. You are a wonderful caring loving person, who has a right to be loved and cared for without it hurting.
There is a very good book called Defending Our Lives by Susan Murphy-Milano. Please read it and know there are people out there who will help you and who care and will help you get out safely.
softie