Seems that original thread is jinxed.I can't reply in it anymore and juding from the pm's I have recieved no one else can either!

I'm very shocked still,almost in a state of disbelief.I just can't believe it is over and like this no less.

There was so much I forgot to say in that original thread like the fact that he came over like everything was fine,planned on spending the night then dropped the bombshell on me! Even after he wanted to stay and comfort me and act like everything was supposed to be ok! The whole event was one big contradiction,the way he acted everything!

We were supposed to have his daughters bday party here Sunday,have been planning it for weeks,buying stuff etc. Even still planning yesterday before he gave me the news! That is another rough part of this not only do I love him but I care about his kids and so enjoyed spending time with them.I thought we were going to be one big happy family forever!

He came and got his stuff out of my house today,I asked him to do it while I was gone.He made my bed (wtf?) and left me a note saying he knows it is hard on me and please try and hang in there,that he would call me later to see if I felt like talking to him.

I don't know why,what is left to say? Nothing has changed,he made his choice and it wasn't me.

He took a letter I had writen him that I decided not to give him as it was full of rage and anger and mean,nasty things.I had decided to wait a few days and calm down first before I decided what I wanted to say so I put that letter in another room away from all of his and his kids stuff he was taking but he found it and took it! Whats done is done I guess.I won't apologize for it as it is how I felt at the time and still feel some of it but I was not intending on giving it to him.

Well yeah, I responded, but could not find my response, I guess PTO has alot of technical difficulties at that time, but I in a short state now said.
I am so sorry, I was pissed off for you and that I respect you around these parts and something good may come out of this for you and I will be here for you all the way through this and it sis sad that we wait so long for these men and they do this .

So Sorry Cali......

Your In My Prayers ...

I hope you feel better soon! Know God is with you and so are all of us! Dont hesitate to PM me if you ever feel the need to talk. I was in a situation like that before so I know how it feel. Time heals all wounds :(

I am so sorry this had to happen. You are in my thoughts and prayers, I can only imagine how hard this must be for you. Where is your original thread?

Lisa

What is left to say ??? NOTHING. Believe me, I've been there, and no matter how hard we try to get things back in order, it never works. I guess the hardest part is to admit it's over. Once you've admitted the fact, you will be ready to move on with your life.

You're a great sweet person, and someone, somewhere is waiting for you.

Meanwhile, the PTO family is here for you.

(((HUGS)))

Phil

Meanwhile, the PTO family is here for you.


Thank goodness for all of you.I need you and appreciate you all so much!

Hi Cali, I replied to your original thread, but my post wouldn't upload...
I am so sorry that this has happened. I have followed your posts since I joined PTO- I know how you have stuck by Matt, and how you have been patient with him in his periods of indecision- giving him time and space etc.

I know this sounds like a cliche, but this is HIS loss. You are a rare and special woman, and he passed you by. He will regret this further down the track, but that's his problem.

Take time out to heal and accept what's happened...in time it will become clear that is for the best. A man who is as special and rare as yourself is waiting for you. Many hugs for you, as well as lots of good thoughts and best wishes.

I've been holding off posting so I could try and find some words to comfort you. The truth is there is nothing I can say to take away your pain.


((((((HUGS))))))

Cali.... I am so sorry.... I cannot imagine. There's nothing to say to make the hurt go away.... I guess it just has to burn for a while, and you have to move on. We are all here for you. I think you are a great, strong, amazing woman and I know you can get through this. I'm here for you and I'm thinking of you and praying for you.

Be strong. Please take care of yourself.

So sorry that your going through this. Just remember that time heals all, things will get better for you, maybe this happened for a reason, thats how I would see it. Again, sorry that your hurting right now. Your in my thoughts and prayers..... God bless you!

i AM SO CONFUSED!!!!:confused: i DIDN'T SEE THE 1ST THREAD. WHAT HAPPEND??? OBVIOUSLY i GET THAT THE 2 OF YOU HAVE SPLIT BUT WHY???

CALI YOU ARE AN AMAZING WOMAN AND NO WORDS CAN COMFORT YOUR PAIN RIGHT NOW BUT THIS IS HIS LOSS AND TRY TO REMEBER THAT! SOMETIMES COMMITTMENT ISN'T THE EASIEST THING FOR SOME PEOPLE WHERE IT COMES SO NATURAL FOR OTHERS.... GATHER YOUR STREGNTH AND BEGIN A NEW. YOU HAVE GONE THROUGH SO MANY UP'S AND DOWNS WITH THIS MAN AND WE ALL LIVE AND LEARN, AS MUCH AS YOU LOVE HIM LOVE YOURSELF ENOUGH TO NOT ALLOW HIM TO CONTINUE THIS CHARADE. THE NICE GESTURES AND THE PHONE CALLS... TO HE!! WITH THAT YOU DON'T NEED HIS PITY NOR HIS KINDNESS.

PM ME IF YOU EVER NEED TO TALK

That s***ks so bad. Maybe he'll come to his senses. It seems like he still really cares about you and is trying in his own way to be as nice as he can in this very bad situation. I have a feeling he's dealing with a crush and I wouldn't be surprised if he comes running back to you as soon things get rough or he realizes this girl isn't everything he thinks she is. I hope everything will turn out ok for you.

Cali I am so sorry! The "freedom" has gone to his head. He will be back in the future, mark my words, because he will realize what he lost. Will you want him then? Doesn't sound like and I hope not. What a jerk :blah: . He will realize what he lost and it will be too late for him by then.

God works in mysterious ways and I think he spared you from something bad that is to come. You may not see it now but you will in the future. This guy is either into something bad that you would have gotten caught up in or he will be down the road. God has spared you. I really believe that. It has happened to me in the past. I didn't see it at the time but later I realized that is what happened.

You are a beautiful child of God who deserves to be treaated like a queen! Let the king who is to love you enter your life and accept him with open arms (who ever he is). You deserve only the best!

We luv you Cali. I will pray for you! Ciao bella.

********************************************{cali}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} }

Lisa,

i am sorry i am running in late, i missed this somehow.

i think you should look back on all of this and think "wow, look at what an absolutly wonderful person i am and what a huge loss he just went thru."

he is confused, lost & still hasnt found himself in all of this, he cant possibly treat you right when he cant do for himself. you know? you dont need that, you need someone much more stable and emotioanlly there for you. someone to support you instaed of you doing all the support and encouragment. its physically and emotionally draining.

you are a dime, there is better waiting i promise :)

i am here for you and love you, emm

Ya know someone put it in a different perspective today and while it still hurts like h*ll this person made some sense and if I think of it like this I feel a tiny bit better.She said it really isn't about you and not wanting you or loving you and really has absolutly nothing to do with this new chick he met.It is that with you he is forced to be good, to do good,without you now he is free to head down that same path he was on and mess up his life again without disappointing you and without having to answer to anyone.If he messes up now with any chick he chooses to see it really doesnt matter because they won't care like you did,they don't know the history and the good changes he has made so no one is disappointed in him and no one cares that he is ruining his life because he isn't ruining thiers like he would be or did yours while with you,sure they may get hurt in a way but with you you were invested in him and his kids and were sharing a life with him and that he simply couldn't deal with,he doesnt want to answer to anyone,he wants to do what he wants to do regardless of the consequences with you that wasn't an option. Like I said it does make sense but doesn't help the heartache of it being over.

I took tomorrow off because I just can't hang right now all I did was sit at my desk and cry while trying to work!

Last night the social worker called here for him,today his boss called....It makes me want to scream,they need to stop calling.Not only is it a constent reminder of him but a reminder of just how much a part of his life I was but am not anymore.

I am not going to lie I feel weak,I feel like I want to call him and ask if he is really sure he wants this and not to do this but I won't,I know I can't.I want to still be a part of his daughters bday but I know I can't do that either.I have to cut all ties or it will only hurt me worse.

You know what really scares me? The feeling like I won't be able to let go although I know I have to.I mean sh** look here I am again 15 years after first being with him and about 8 years after our first break up.I did let go then although it took some time but I never forgot him or stopped loving him.I want to be able to do that now but honestly I don't know how!

Cali, I saw both threads....

hang in there ... ;)

((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))

Cali
I don't know your story but.....you waited for him and then he got out and left you???? Is that the story? If so that SUCKS....how long did you wait and love him before he decided this? I'm so sorry.....did it happen right away or did you guys try things and it didn't work for him or whats the deal? Hope your doing OK and we're thinking about you....everyone of us!

JayandMe,We are first loves since we were teens,I have loved him 15 years!We were together 3 years then kind of off and on another 3.We then split up and both went on with our lives but never forgot one another,still talked from time to time etc.We were split up about 8 years(4 of those not talking as he was married and I had a serious boyfriend) then he went to prison and I wrote him as a friend,we were friends for the first year then when I went to visit and he filed for divorce we decided to get back together and give it another shot.That was a year and a half ago.We talked marriage the whole nine yards.He said we were soulmayes,he has never loved anyone like he loves me etc.Towards the end of his sentence he started tripping out and saying he wasnt sure if he was ready for this etc but we worked through it and everything was fine.He has been home 3 months and it has been GREAT for the most part,he is doing well,we were doing well,talked about the future,spent family time with his kids and so on.About 3 weeks ago he said he felt pressured trying to maintain a relationship and rebuild his life and like he was needing some space .I did tell him space was fine as it was a big adjustment for both of us but if he ever decided he wanted to see other people I couldnt do that so that was the boundries on the space issue.I gave him a little space BUT nothing changed really,he still called every day,was here all the time etc. Things were good between us,really good.I thought he really was just confused and going through an adjustment period and that everything was going to be fine and we would end up married.Until the other night when he told me he did want to see others)he met someone he likes) even if it meant loosing me.He wants casual and freedom and all that bs that I cant give him so thats it in a nutshell my heart and dreams crushed so he can be free and not answer to anyone (That was one of the things he said over and over again he doesnt want to have to anser to anyone)

Oh, Cali- I just saw this and I am so sorry to hear it. You certainly don't deserve to have your heart broken this way after all the love, strength and loyalty you have shown him. I know how badly this hurts- I don't think any of us have escaped the pain of a broken relationship, and that pain is compounded when it's not your idea, when there is another woman involved, and when you have sacrificed so much and feel like you just got a huge slap in the face for it. I believe that no experience is a waste of time if you learn from it. Perhaps this is simply not the man for you, but there was no way you would let go without a major trauma like this, and now you can go on to something better (after a period of healing, of course). As for him, he learned unconditional love and support from you, but was so selfish he thought that meant he didn't need to give back respect. He is finding out he was wrong, and will have difficult times as he goes on. I do think he loves you, but I agree that his head is pretty much up his own butt, and his stay in prison failed to make him mature. You can always love him for the boy he was, but you are a woman now and he's still treading water. Get the real man you deserve.

Cali~ I am so sorry to hear you going through all of this. I am almost in tear over here for you because I feel your pain in your writing. Please stay strong and always remember we are always here for you.

How are you today Cali?

Hi Mia thanks for checking on me.I'm not doing to great just crying my little heart out but I did get out of the house for awhile tonight to go to a friends for dinner and a movie then my Mom stopped by to see how I was.

He called me today to let me know I was welcome at his Moms for his daughters bday,they all wanted me there but I told him I just couldn't do it.I asked him to clarify a few things for me and he told me that it is nothing about me personally nor has anything to do with this other chick or any other chick.It is that being with me is too complicated as we are headed in different directions and that he realized he is not in love with me the way I am him and he would only hurt me more in the long run if we continued to be with each other when he can't give me what I want and need .It hurt like h*ll but in a sense it was some type of closure that he said that as I know there is no hope,won't be any hope and I must get over this and move on. I still don't understand why or how he couldn't possibly feel the way I do and I still feel he should of been a man and said that from the beginning although he says he didnt feel that way from the beginning but the fact is he doesn't feel it for whatever reasons and somehow I have to accept that and heal.

My heart is breaking for you, I am reading your posts and I can feel how much pain you are in, so sorry this happened to you.I have followed your posts for some time, and I was floored to read this.I guess I dont have any words of encouragement, because nothin helps alot when you are in this kind of pain, just know that some day, he will look back on all the things you two went thru, all the times you were there for him, and he will regret his decision, when he matures some.And at that point, you can return the favor :blah:

I just wanted to say I'm sorry for what you are going through. Its hard to find the right words.. I feel you are better off without him, Thats easy for me to say,bcause I"m not you.,I just hope everything works out the best for you
hugs

I'm so sorry about all he has put you though!! I you will start to feel better soon.. time heals all wounds!!!

Cali - I do not know what to say..... I am completely in shock. I did not think that it was going to come to this. Girl, I am so sorry about this. You deserve so much better than he is able to give you, and you know what, I think he knows that too.

I know it hurts so much right now and you feel like you just want to lay in bed and cry. Scream - how the hell could he do this to me! Well, scream, let it all out and take a deep breath, and then you are going to have to start to let go. Yes, it is going to hurt and yes it is going to take time, but you have to remember that time heals.

Initially, I told you to hold on, but I must say that you cant fight for someone who is not worth fighting for, we cant hold on to someone that is not there, you cant continue to put yourself through this pain. It is not fair to you. You, sweetheart, deserve so much more.

Cali - I have known you for a minute now, and you are such a good person, with a kind heart. One day your prince will come! You have to believe that.

You have the power to be anyone you want to be, go anywhere you want to go. It seems to me that Matt is on his way to going no where fast. Maybe he can't deal with "life," maybe he cant deal with "love," whatever problems he has with dealing.......it is not your problem anymore. He cannot be your problem to solve.

He is a grown ass man and he has to learn to "deal with life" He must learn how to make responsible choices and be in control of his feelings. "If you dot know, you just dot know," and he should have never pretended to know.

I believe that it really has nothing to do with a "girl he really likes." How could he care for another or like another, when apparently he cant even like himself? He is having his "taste of freedom" and eventually he will get bored, he will get tired, and he will come back. Cali, they always come back. The saying rings true, "You never know what you got until its gone."

Right now, Matt wants to have his fun and when he is done he thinks that you will be right there waiting for him. Like you said, space is one thing. Space involving another woman is a definite NO!

I mean, you have been with him for over 15 years. You have been there for him through good times, and bad. He is looking at it like she loves me, and she will always be there for me.

In my opinion, you should not be there. He has made a choice and you should not have to wait around for him while he is "finding himself." Damn, did he not have enough time to find himself while he was incarcerated?

You might not understand where I am coming from, but they always come back. And when they do and see we have moved on with our lives without them in it, makes them want us even more. Trust me on this one! I will pm you.

Hang in there girl and you have my numbers. Call me day or night, whenever, OK! I am here for you! (((HUGS)))

WOAH! I am a little late on reading up on this news. Where in the hell is he coming from? I don't even want to begin to imagine how heartbroken you must feel. How can his feelings just change over night like that? Cali, I think Matt is a complete lost soul. After spending so much time alone in prison it seems that he would be ready for the attention of someone that is so devoted to him. I know you must feel that at this time there is no way out of the way you feel right now, but in time this will all be a memory. What you have gone through with Matt is only preparing you for what the future holds for you. You deserve so much more. You are ready for a fullfilling relationship, and I don't think Matt can see that it is possible. Anyway, I wish you the very best in life.

How about some of us ladies from PTO take a trip up your way and hire a few CHIP & DALES to accompany us? Some hotties might take your mind off of Matt for a while. :)

Lisa!! Why is it the only words I can seem to find are I AM SOOO SORRY!!!

It's funny that those are the words that seem to come when no others are available or our minds are so numb from feeling pain and anger for what you are going through!
I know that hurt you feel, maybe not in the same form, but I think it hurts just the same!!

You know where to find me if you need me!! I am only a PM away!!
:grouphug:

Theresa

Lisa, it really sounds to me like he KNOWS he will hurt you again, by getting into trouble again and putting you through this again (reading what he said they wanted you at the birthday party.) Maybe he loves you enough to spare you from the hurt. I know it hurts now, I know. and i'm sorry. Any guy would be blessed to have you. I'm hoping one who's worthy and good finds you soon!

(((HUGS))) I am so sorry to hear the bad news! I hope this is all for good intentions. I received an e-mail from a good friend of mine not to long ago, and in the e-mail there was a quote stating "If God brings you to it, he will bring you through it". And I beleive you are strong, and you WILL make it through this! Your in my thoughts & prayers.

Hi Mia thanks for checking on me.I'm not doing to great just crying my little heart out but I did get out of the house for awhile tonight to go to a friends for dinner and a movie then my Mom stopped by to see how I was.

He called me today to let me know I was welcome at his Moms for his daughters bday,they all wanted me there but I told him I just couldn't do it.I asked him to clarify a few things for me and he told me that it is nothing about me personally nor has anything to do with this other chick or any other chick.It is that being with me is too complicated as we are headed in different directions and that he realized he is not in love with me the way I am him and he would only hurt me more in the long run if we continued to be with each other when he can't give me what I want and need .It hurt like h*ll but in a sense it was some type of closure that he said that as I know there is no hope,won't be any hope and I must get over this and move on. I still don't understand why or how he couldn't possibly feel the way I do and I still feel he should of been a man and said that from the beginning although he says he didnt feel that way from the beginning but the fact is he doesn't feel it for whatever reasons and somehow I have to accept that and heal.Cali, someone said that he left you b/c he knows in his heart he can't do right and I think they were right. He knows he is going to go back to his old ways. Your dream is now gone...sort of...you can still have your dream just not with him. Have you seen "The Diary of a Mad Black Woman" in the movie theater? Go see it!:thumbsup: You don't have to be black, or orange or purple:p for it to apply. I think you will get something out of it. I am going to make you a little gift. Will pm you soon.

Wow..Cali! I'm so sorry that your going through this.....it is a fear that I live with every day. I know he loves me now but will he realize later upon his release that he wants/needs his freedom? It's a really scary realization and to hear it really happen to someone sucks! I'm so sorry your going through this......truly I am

Cali... I'm so sorry ((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))