We split up tonight.It seems he wants to see other people,is in fact already seeing someone whom he "really likes".He knew when he said he needed space that I was ok with that but wouldn't be ok with seeing other people but it seems he likes this new girl so much that he would of dumped me anyways if I wouldn't have told him I could not and would not do this.So thats it,done,over,half of my life wasted on a dream that was never going to happen.

I'm floored I thought everything was going to be ok and we did have a future together,I thought he really was just going through an adjustment period after prison.I never in a million years expected to be left for someone else.

I thought he loved me and that I was his future.I thought he just needed spome space and would realize that we were meant to be together like he has said so many times in the past but he said no it isn't just space he needs,he doesnt see a future with me.

I'm shocked,mad,hurt,crushed,heartbroken.I feel used terribly terribly used although he insists that isn't the case.

He wanted to stay and talk more and hug me and cr*p but I told him to GET OUT,GO,LEAVE MY HOUSE AND MY HOUSE KEYS, JUST GO so he did.

He has already called but I didn't answer.....why? what is there left to say?

i am so sorry to hear that. that is my worst fear. i am so so so so sorry. i wish you the best. you were wonderful for standing by him, and maybe he doesn't deserve someone as wonderful and as loyal as you were, because the next time he goes back (if he does) he won't have someone...and you won't have to go through it again.

California Sunshine...I am sorry to hear...I've been reading your posts for a while -- my heart goes out to you...stay strong....

Stay Blessed

Carla

sorry you are going through this and i know its not easy. especially since you stood by him through the hardest time. good luck

Cali, I am soooooo sorry to hear this. I wish I had some words of wisdom but I don't. Be strong hon and know we are all here for you. ****{hug}}}

:( I wish there was something I could say to make it better...but when you're going through tough times, sometimes you don't need words, you just need to know that people are there for you.

From what I have seen, you're a tough cookie :thumbsup: . Hold your head up girl!

Oh girl my heart truly goes out to you. That is so sad to hear. I'll pray for your pain to ease. I really am sorry to hear this.
********{HUGS}}}}}
God Bless!

I wish I had some wise words to tell you...but I don't. I just want to say that I am SOO very sorry that this happened to you! :grouphug: I really hope that you can keep your head up and move on...you deserve more. I wish you the BEST...and again, I am SO SORRY! Hugs:p
-Jackie

Cali, i have also read thru a lot of your posts, I am sorry that you have to go thru this. Its rough because you were there for him, and now the tables have turned and he wants up... why does he "want space" so he can be crowded in by another women?? Why couldnt this have been said a lot sooner. ARGH, men. Try not to dwell on all the negative and be happy for the good times Cali. I know it prolly seems hard to do that right now, but it will get easier...

Hugz,

Desiree

My heart goes out to you.. I can understand how you feel. I would be hurt and angry too. Its terrible that you waited all this time for him, and then he does this. Stay strong and know we are all here for you. As time goes by things will get easier..What goes around comes around..

I am so sorry about this. I don't know what to say except that he is a fool and you deserve better. We are all here for you!

*POW* There, I kicked him in the *ss for you, girl. What a jerk. I just hope you don't feel out of place here. Please, please don't let this experience break you from your family and friends here on PTO. Things happen for a reason. That is the truth! So just stay strong and don't let this pull you down, girl. God Bless You!

Lisa I'm so really sorry for this. :( I just don't know what to say. We are here for you no matter what.

(((HUGS)))

Phil

Cali, i'm so sorry to hear this, i've been following your story and my heart truley goes out to you. You are an inspiration, stay strong and keep your head held up high, you are better than this and much better than he is obviously.
You deserve all of the happiness in the world, you will find it, i know you will.

(((hugs)))(((hugs)))(((hugs)))

Geez - that p*sses me off!!! I know you've stood by him and put your own life on hold while you were supporting him. Well, it's best you find out now - but girl, the day will come when he wants back into your life and I hope you remember this and stay strong. They almost always come back when they find out the grass isn't greener....
Gosh, I feel your pain....hugs.

(((HUGS))) I'm sooo sorry this is happening to you. It doesn't seem fair at all . You pour your heart and soul into this.... and then suddenly when he gets out, your no longer needed :-( I've been reading so many of these post and my heart just hurts for you or anyone who has been there for someone while they are down and then gets rewarded with this........

Yes - it's also my worst fear too, especially lately, which is why I am distancing myself a bit I think from my man/friend.. I dunno what to call him anymore since this kind of things scares the h*ll out of me to think about happening six years from now.

Oh my, sunshine.. I am so sorry!! I was really rooting for you guys! Man, I don't have the words.. Please stay strong girl. Know that we are there. Ask God for comfort and Peace during these hard times and PLEASE do not hold any hatred in your heart. You will only hurt yourself.. Like many have said.. what comes around goes around.. he will get his in due time... God Bless you! <<hugs>>

Sunshine.. My God, I am so sorry girl.. I have been praying and rooting for you guys. Please know that we are here for you. Please ask God to give you comfort and strength and move forward. Don't let this guy keep you down.. he already wasted enough of your time. And as many has said, what goes around comes around.. he will get his turn... God bless you..<hugs>

:( im am so sorry to hear this.i wish i could take your pain away. huggss. he is the one who is loosing a great person.take care. (((((hugggggggggsss))))

He's an idiot. You will be thrice blessed at least. BIG hugs!!!!!! Jeez. What a dork...One day he will see what he lost. Meanwhile, you can take what you have learned and just FLY...

OOH CALI!! :( I'm soo sorry to hear this too!! and the way you've been there for him!! MY HEART FEELS FOR YOU!! I dont know what to say to ya..but HUGS and much love!! Stay up sweetie!!

awwwwwwwwww! I am SO sorry for you. I feel so bad. You must be so sad. ******{hugs}}}} for you. You deserve them for being such a strong and wonderful woman.
It seems that most of these relationships don't work out. I always thought mine would work out too and it didn't.
You deserve so much better, honey. Sorry.
Raina

That is horrible, I am so sorry. I hope you know you have every right to feel used and sad. And, like everyone else has said you are strong and will get through this. Believe in Karma! Only best wishes to you honey.

:grouphug:

Girl after all you have been through, and he pulled this. Well we can only chalk this up as a lesson learned. You did great, you stood by him, you were by his side and at least deserved a THANK YOU out of it.
You deserve so much better than that.
Take some time out and find out what you want and go after it.
He does not deserve to be with someone as great as you.
Your effort didn't pay off with him, but look at all of us out here on PTO, we are still here for you. My man loved the card you sent at Christmas and he will thank you for it on here when he comes home in Jan. 2006. See your time and effort is appreciated on here.
Men like the one that left you make us stronger as individuals. We can only gain from the experience and with the experience comes pain, frustration, hurt, heartbreaks which only time will heal.

Good luck
Hang in there

Pauline

awwww I am so sorry for you. ********{hugs}}}}} to you. It seems like these relationships hardly ever work out. I always thought mine would turn out differently than it did also.
You deserve so much more. It's hard to see it now but maybe, just maybe, this is a blessing in disguise. Maybe this will save you from worse heartache later?
I am so sorry for you. Hugs~
Raina

((((((hugs))))))) I am so sorry to hear that. It was one of my biggest fears with Jody believe it or not. As you already know we have already split up. I spent 3 1/2 years waiting on him. I have to admit in the long run it was the best thing for me, but at the time it really didn't seem like it because I had just lost my best friend, etc. As time marched on I found someone who treats me so much better than Jody did and I am much happier and he comes home in less than a week. Jody's release is still up in the air. Better things will come your way, but I am sure it just doesn't seem that way right now. Take care and know we are here for you!

Cali, you are worth more and deserve much better than him........ believe me he will be back but by then you will have moved on.


Stay positive dry any tears.......you will never feel this bad again, the only is up and we are with you every step of the way.

Rant as much as you need we are here for you.

((((((hugs)))))) I am so sorry to hear about what happened! As you know about my break up with Jody I know what you are going through because it hurt like hell when Jody said it was over. I spent 3 1/2 years waiting on him and I thought we had a future together also. But hey I am glad he let me go or I wouldn't know how good Cran is treating me and now I can see how bad I was letting Jody treat me because of it too. I am much happier I just hope all goes well when Cran comes home in a few days. Keep your chin up and take care!

cali........you are worth more and deserve much better than him and believe me he WILL be back........but you will have moved on.

You will never feel this bad again.the only way is up.

Rant as much as you need to..... we are here for you and we are listening.

MEGA ((((((HUGS))))))

(((((hugs)))))) I am so sorry to hear about this. As you know I took it really hard when Jody broke up with me, but hey it really was for the best because I have found a new happiness with Cran. I can now see how bad I was letting Jody treat me too. Hang in there things will get better as time goes on, but do mourn the loss of him. When Jody and I split up I felt like I lost my best friend. Take care and keep your chin up.

Thank you everyone your support means a lot to me

So much I wanted to say and forget it all in my first post! Do you know he actually had the nerve to come over and prepar to spend the night,act like everything was fine kissing on me,cuddling with me before he dropped the bombshell.Even after he told me he still thought he was staying,still thought he was spending the weekend here and all of our plans were still set yet he really likes this new girl he wants to see instead of me? makes no sense.The whole evening and talk was one big contradiction.

We were supposed to have his daughters birthday party here on Sunday,been planning and buying all kinds of stuff even TODAY before he broke my heart we were still making plans!!! I was so looking forward to it as I care a great deal about his kids and have so much fun with them.It's going to be really hard to walk away from it all with my head held high but somehow I must.

I just can't believe it I really can't! I don't understand why and how he could do this to me and probably never will.I have spent 15 years of my life in love with him (not together that whole time) and I know it is really over now.Even if I could of handled seeing him while he saw others which I couldn't the words "No I don't see a future with you" coming out of his mouth crushed my heart and made me realize that this really is it,it's the end.

Owwwww......... this hurts, it just hurts... :(
I am so sorry. All I can think to do is send you a cyber-hug. :(:(:(
(((((((hug)))))))))

I just hated reading your post.. it makes me so angry when these $^#$^$# guys get out and then decide they want their "space" and then they end up with some other woman... It happened to me too... in my case he wanted the other woman because she would get high with him and she is a loser just like he is... His reasoning.. "he loved me too much to hurt me and didn't want to ruin my life." yeah, whatever..

It will get easier over time... If he is like most guys I know he will still want you in his life.. You are/were his stability and most likely he won't have that anymore so when the going gets tough he will still want that.. I wish that I had been stronger from the minute we "ended" our relationship to not have any contact with him.. but I wasn't and in the end it came back to bite me. He stole from me the last time I saw him..

I wish you strength to get through this... You will.. it just takes time and lots of tears and anger and eventually it will be better.. HUGS to you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am so sorry. I just don't know what to say... (((HUGS)))

Cali,

I am so sorry. I know how you are hurting. I am so sorry your going through this.

Awww ((hugs)) Cali- I'm so sorry that after everything you have been through that it ended this way. I know how you stood by him, I know that you have 'hung in there' throughout his periods of indecision...you truly deserve better. It's a cliche, I know, but it's his loss. At the moment I know you are hurting like hell, but in time things will become clear and you will emerge victorious.

I am sorry this happened to you girl. Dont let it get you down...you deserve better. Stay strong and know that we are all here to support you!!! keep your head up!

Get the H*** out of here, I am sooooo P-d off right now!!!!
Whoooo (breathe)
Okay, Cali,
I am sooooo verrry sorry this happened to you, out of all people. You have been like one of the main people who I kept up with since being a member of PTO and it seems as if I am feeling your pain. Why is this happening to so many of our members now? We wait for the man we love and the payback is this.... It can't be morally right. I almost hate to say this, but, damn, is this what we wait for? Maybe this is for the best for you- but I am here as I know the rest of PTO is for you to lean on until the best comes.
Kesha
Again Sooooo Sorry!!

Oh My Cali!!!!!!!!!:grouphug:

I am so sorry!

Who knows why he has chosen to do this...."freedom" has gone to his head. He will be back trust me. They always come back. He will come back down the road and want you back. I know it. BUT will you want him? Sounds like no. I cannot imagine the hurt and betrayal you are feeling. This is all of our worst nightmare and it is coming true for you.

I do know this. God works in mysterious ways. He might have just saved you from something bad (I was devestated when my ex and I broke up and later I found out he had herpes, which I never got, so I think God spared me). We do not know why these things happen in our lives but I know God has something better in store for you.

You are a caring and lovely person and deserve only to be happy. As hard as I know it is, pick yourself up and walk with your head high. You are a beautiful child of God who only deserves the best. I hope you find a man who treats you like the queen you are.

I will pray for you Cali.:grouphug:

I hope that my words can and will comfort you...when someone we love, for whatever reason...doesn't return the love we are giving, the end result is devastating. You feel like the wind is knocked out of you, like you are the only human left on earth and the ache is unbearable. I too have felt like you are feeling...it sure does suck.

I read somewhere recently..."Don't settle for the one that you live with....Wait for the one who you can't live without", "Love is friendship set on fire" and the best....

"A woman must have loved a bad man at least once in her life in order to appreciate the good one that is coming" and that is what I wish for you...someone who truly loves you and who deserves your love in return. God Bless...

I just posted and it disappeared so if this is a dupe, sorry.......


Cali I am so sorry! The "freedom" has gone to his head. He will be back in the future, mark my words, because he will realize what he lost. Will you want him then? Doesn't sound like and I hope not. What a jerk :blah: . He will realize what he lost and it will be too late for him by then.

God works in mysterious ways and I think he spared you from something bad that is to come. You may not see it now but you will in the future. This guy is either into something bad that you would have gotten caught up in or he will be down the road. God has spared you. I really believe that. It has happened to me in the past. I didn't see it at the time but later I realized that is what happened.

You are a beautiful child of God who deserves to be treated like a queen! Let the king who is to love you enter your life and accept him with open arms (who ever he is). You deserve only the best!

We luv you Cali. I will pray for you! Ciao bella.

I just posted and it disappeared so if this is a dupe, sorry.......


Cali I am so sorry! The "freedom" has gone to his head. He will be back in the future, mark my words, because he will realize what he lost. Will you want him then? Doesn't sound like and I hope not. What a jerk :blah: . He will realize what he lost and it will be too late for him by then.

God works in mysterious ways and I think he spared you from something bad that is to come. You may not see it now but you will in the future. This guy is either into something bad that you would have gotten caught up in or he will be down the road. God has spared you. I really believe that. It has happened to me in the past. I didn't see it at the time but later I realized that is what happened.

You are a beautiful child of God who deserves to be treaated like a queen! Let the king who is to love you enter your life and accept him with open arms (who ever he is). You deserve only the best!

We luv you Cali. I will pray for you! Ciao bella.

Even if we, as PTO members who are responding to your thread, say we can relate, and yes I am positive many of us can...we obviously are not you. However, I can bet that your heart is so heavy and hurt and feels like it will burst at any moment, and you almost feel like you can't breathe and overwhelmed and maybe like you are the only one that could possibly hurt this much. It is so disappointing and incredibly painful when someone, anyone...that we love doesn't return the love we are sending....for whatever reason. I read the following quotes recently..."Don't settle for the one you live with...WAIT for the one you can't live without"...and I wish you peace of mind and for someone special to come your way that will love you the way that you deserve and will give you back all that you give.

I just posted and it disappeared so if this is a dupe, sorry.......


Cali I am so sorry! The "freedom" has gone to his head. He will be back in the future, mark my words, because he will realize what he lost. Will you want him then? Doesn't sound like and I hope not. What a jerk :blah: . He will realize what he lost and it will be too late for him by then.

God works in mysterious ways and I think he spared you from something bad that is to come. You may not see it now but you will in the future. This guy is either into something bad that you would have gotten caught up in or he will be down the road. God has spared you. I really believe that. It has happened to me in the past. I didn't see it at the time but later I realized that is what happened.

You are a beautiful child of God who deserves to be treaated like a queen! Let the king who is to love you enter your life and accept him with open arms (who ever he is). You deserve only the best!

We luv you Cali. I will pray for you! Ciao bella.

Me of all people knows how it feels to loose someone that you thought you were meant to be with, Ricky betrayed me and left me for his stupid crackhead ex, but you know what I got over it, I am better than he is and deserve more, I tell you th same You deserve better because in the end he will be treated the same way he treated you, what goes around comes around. KEEP YOUR HEAD UP GIRL!!!!

Cali I'm so sorry things turned out this way, what a jerk to do that to you!!! My thoughts are with you, I know it's hard but try to hold your head high, you deserve so much more than him!!!

Cali, I'm sorry you are going through this... stay strong... we're here for you...

That sucks!!!! He should have been more honest with you, Im sure you would not have invested so much emotion and time into him if you knew he wasent sure about you and him, that really sucks, but he will realize that one day, he will think about how you were there when he was down, you stuck by him, and when he realizes that and wants to come back, you can return the favor :blah:

Huggggggggggggggggggers Cali. You are right to feel used - because you have been.
Of course you are "shocked,mad,hurt,crushed,heartbroken" and have every right to be every one of those feelings.

I am not sure the being used was intentional or malicious. I am aware that I am being used. He needs someone supporting him. I know he thinks there will be a future and I can hope he is right. But, I also know I am a reminder of this time and he might want a clean start with someone who didn't go through this with him. That is not uncommon. I know he can't project that at this time.

So, I hope for the future aware of my risk. Aware that if the worst happens to me as it has for you that I will go through every bit of what you are feeling. My only hope is that I can remember that I am being there for him for me. For the kind of person I am and how I treat my friends. He can later be a rejecting jerk ... but I will always be a person who was there for her friend - which is a person I like being.

You are a good and caring person ... and he is a fool and a jerk.

:grouphug:

It's gone be Okay CA

:grouphug:

It's gone be okay CA :)

Oh Cali sweetie!! :cry: Omg girl I am sooooo sorry! I know you must be devastated and heartbroken and I know nothing I can say will take your pain away, but I just want you to know I love ya girl and I am here for you if you ever wanted/needed to talk. You deserve so much better than someone who would do this to you, and I know you will find someone who will give you the love and respect you deserve. I know it will take a long time for your heart to heal, but I will be praying for you, that your heartache will be healed soon, I hate to see you like this. :( Big hugs sweetie and I am so sorry.
Love, Cel

I haven't been able to post in this thread and I know other members are having trouble as well so I'm trying again.Thank you for all the replies
and all the pm's.

I really am still just shocked,I can't believe this happened! I want to believe he is just a fool and doesn't mean it but I know that isnt the case and I know I have to be strong! We were supposed to have his daughters bday party here Sunday,that is rough not being a part of that family anymore.I love him and his children and so enjoy spending time with them

He came and got all of his stuff today and left a note saying he knows it is hard on me and to please hang in there he will call me later to see if I want to talk.
I dont know what is left to say.....
He also took a letter I had written last night,a mean horrible nasty letter that I decided not to give to him until I had a chance to calm down but it's done now.He found it in my room and took it!

TEST
Can I reply yet?

Cali, this also happend to my best friend. She waited for her husband for 9 years and when he finally came home he was cheating on her in less than 4 months of being home. Atleast your dude told you, her's didnt. I was pissed about her and I am pissed about your situation. This really sucks.

I am so sorry. My best friend went thru this same thing. Stay strong!

He made his choice, now you be sure and make sure he keeps with it. It is obvious he didnt respect you, so just turn your back on him and show him how strong you are.

I agree with you, it is odd that he felt he could just break up then spend the weekend sexing you when he so likes someone else. I would kiss his azz for you if I was there.

LIke I said, the whole time he was down, he wanted you because you were strong enough to be there for him. Now, give him a reminder of just how strong you are and walk away. Dont give him the satisfaction of keeping you on the line while he romances someone else.

How smugg is he??? So now that you have given him all the support and love he needed during a hard time he has to go and make it harder. He does need a big boot to the head. He is so friggin wrong and so friggin stupid.

And, Dazzler is right he will be back. He'll call and leave messages and yada yada yada. Damn I hate when the selective memory kicks in and they forget who you are and what you've done. Listen... he will be back and if you think it out you can have the things the way you want it with him if that's what you really want. BUT, take time for yourself now if only for the weekend. Put together whatever cash you can and just leave somewhere for the weekend. Go to the beach, cry and sleep and get your strong self together and tell yourself your going to allow this for yourself. But come home with the intention of changing things. Clean up, get things organized and take control of every other situation that you can. Doing these things will truly...truly impower you and give you time to think of how you really want things to be with or without him. But don't talk to him until you have done these things. It will show you (and him) that you can live without him, you know this...I know it sounds easy on paper, but trust it has worked for me in the past and you know what? I usually find and stick to being better off with the next ex. :) Soneat

Cali~

I am so sorry that he has done this to you. I am sending prayers and hugs your way. Stay strong!!

Salena

Cali...

I am so sorry :(

((((((((((BIG HUGS)))))))))))))

I know nothing I can say will make you feel any better, but know that in time, your heart will heal....I don't know what else to say...

we all have been there and you are not alone!

Thank you everyone I appreciate it
I'll be honest I'm having a hard time dealing with this,I can't even function I wake up and start crying and it just continues.I go somewhere and the freaking tears still well up!
I know I need to be strong and get over this somehow and I know I'm not the only one to ever go through this.I just wish there was a magic pill to take away the tears and at least dull this heartache a little!

Cali-I know you think you will never feel any better but you will - it's hard to believe and it doesn't make it any better now.And as MrsG said, you are not alone- come here and cry and vent ...

Cali, I hope you got my post in your other thread. I could not post here the other day. I wanted to check in on you and see how you are.

cali i am so sorry. when i read your post my eyes started tearing (no lie) i have been hurt in the past by someone i really cared about. so i know how you feel. i couldnt even listen to sad songs on the radio or i would just burst out in tears.i felt like my whole world had ended but as time went on i got stronger. what your going through right now is my biggest fear also. i can only hope for the best. you are a strong woman, you stood by this man when he was down, and he does this?? he needs a punch in the face!! you deserve a whole lot better. he dosent deserve you anyway. it just to bad that it turned out this way you were attached to his children and everything. this is sooo terrible. like every one else said, he'll be back. i would never take him back. this fool will realize what a wonderful person you are, and he'll be crawling back. take care of yourself we are all here for you. pm me if you ever want to talk.

this hurts me ...today I saw a dude on a visit with a woman that was not his wife. This hurt me...and my husband said, why? and I said, "because we women are all in this together and when one goes down we all go down together"

Cali, be strong, :grouphug: :o

Cali,

I am so sorry and I send hugs and prayers your way. You are a strong women and will get through it, keep praying and have faith and all will work out for the good.

Cali, let the sadness work its way out of your system. don't fight the grieving process, because grieving is part of healing. You'll be fine, girl!!!! You're made of way stronger stuff than letting this one worthless faithless POS @$$hole tear you down. Look at it this way, you're WAY better than he is. At the first scent of freedom he's off like the dog he is, and you're a beautiful, honorable woman who deserves the best. Like the line from my song to Eddy:

"Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you"

Because every experience guides us on to the next! this joker was one of those northern stars leading you on to what will be real, true, and deserving of your love.
(((((((hugs))))))))

(((((((((((cali))))))))))) :grouphug: omg i know im late but i am soooooooooooooo sorry this happened to u. u are in my thoughts and prayers....and if u ever need to talk im here. he a jack a$$.....karma will bite him in the butt

Cali I am so sorry about this. This one took me by surprise. :( I know it's hard and I know you want to be strong. hang in there sweetie in the end it will all work out, and know that we are all here for ya hun!!!! :D



hugs many times over :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:
Michele

"He also took a letter I had written last night,a mean horrible nasty letter that I decided not to give to him until I had a chance to calm down but it's done now.He found it in my room and took it!"

God sometimes does for us what we do not have the courage to do for ourselves ... including speakig up and speaking. out.

I normally am not one to recommend speaking up when I am really upset. But, I am definitely one for writing it out - I just don't send it. So, since that was your idea I have to think it was God that had him come while you were not there to prevent his taking it and having him find and take it.

Girl, me and myne broke up last night. I know exactly what you mean... I hate that im not able to control my emotions right now :( :(

Thank you everyone I appreciate it
I'll be honest I'm having a hard time dealing with this,I can't even function I wake up and start crying and it just continues.I go somewhere and the freaking tears still well up!
I know I need to be strong and get over this somehow and I know I'm not the only one to ever go through this.I just wish there was a magic pill to take away the tears and at least dull this heartache a little!

:cry:

I have NO CLUE what to say. I am sorry Lisa, and I am here if ya ever need to talk. (((((((((HUGS))))))))

-Jess

I'm sorry sweetheart, But you are right as far as I can tell.No one wants to be the other woman and while he still unsure it's not healthy to be in the middle of it.Take care of yourself and know that blessings will come in time.Have a blessed day!

Cali, I am so sorry sweetie! I hate to see you hurting like this. We are all here for you. :grouphug:

Lisa, I am so, so sorry for what has happened to you. I've been there myself. If you need me you know how to find me. I am so sorry.

Love, Lisa

Thank you everyone
Yesterday was a better day I hardly had any tears and I thought there would be many as it was the day of his daughters bday party I was supposed to be having here.Today unfortunatly is not a better day,all I can do is cry.I'm starting to get really p***ed off at him but I know it won't do me good,the only thing that will do me good is to get over the pain as I will never get over him but once the heartache heals a little I know it will be better,just wish it could happen fast as this feels just horrible :(


One day at a time I guess.........

It just takes time, hon. I'm so sorry you're hurting.

I really sympathize with what you going through. It happens to the best of us and sometimes you may sit and say damn why me...and things of that nature...But in the end it will make you stronger and a more wiser person...I went through the same thing...God it just felt like hell...but I got through it and you know what? you will too...Hold ya head sis!!!

Oh Cali, I haven't been around and so I didn't see this but I just want to send you a hug and tell you - let yourself be angry, sad, numb, WHATEVER you feel and whatever it takes - it's a process... I am so sad this happened and just want to send you another BIG HUG.

Jessica

:angry: We split up tonight.It seems he wants to see other people,is in fact already seeing someone whom he "really likes".He knew when he said he needed space that I was ok with that but wouldn't be ok with seeing other people but it seems he likes this new girl so much that he would of dumped me anyways if I wouldn't have told him I could not and would not do this.So thats it,done,over,half of my life wasted on a dream that was never going to happen.

I'm floored I thought everything was going to be ok and we did have a future together,I thought he really was just going through an adjustment period after prison.I never in a million years expected to be left for someone else.

I thought he loved me and that I was his future.I thought he just needed spome space and would realize that we were meant to be together like he has said so many times in the past but he said no it isn't just space he needs,he doesnt see a future with me.

I'm shocked,mad,hurt,crushed,heartbroken.I feel used terribly terribly used although he insists that isn't the case.

He wanted to stay and talk more and hug me and cr*p but I told him to GET OUT,GO,LEAVE MY HOUSE AND MY HOUSE KEYS, JUST GO so he did.

He has already called but I didn't answer.....why? what is there left to say?
:eek: What a je*k! After all the time you waited on him and finally he gets out, and pulls that! It sounds like he was just using you at the time because it was convienant for him at the time. I wouldn't take him back for him to hurt you again! I am sorry. I know it hurts. But don't think for a second that he won't do it to her! He will go from person to person, hurting one after another! It's sad.:mad:
:angry:

He called today regarding some stuff we had to square away between us.He told me that he does realize he F'd up and should have never made promises he wasn't 100% sure he could deliver but that he loves me,always has and always just can't give me what I need or want in regards to a relationship as we are headed in different directions and he realized he isnt in love with me they way I am him.

Does it make me feel any better? No I'm still heartbroken to know its over and he doesnt want to be with me.I do believe he loves me how could you not after 15 years but I also believe he should have been a man and never embarked on this relationship again if he wasnt 100% sure what he wanted or even if he would of ended it before he came home and not spent three months with me in the free world it may have been easier to take.It just makes me so mad that he can move on and be happy (if he is) and not feel this hurt while I'm sitting here shattered with my dreams crushed and heart broke.
The only good thing to come of this right now is at least he has the decency to follow through on the things he needs to do in regards to some stuff regarding myself and family and is going to do the right thing in that aspect.

Awe cali, i know what you mean. its so hard, they put up a shield half the damn time so u have no clue as to what is really going on in their head. I wish jesse would be more open with getting things squared away, once again as always he lets me take the reigns and figure it out :banghead:

Awww Lisa ((hugs)) I can't believe this has happened to ya! I am sorry girlie. What is wrong with him?? You are a wonderful sweetheart and stood by his side. I don't know but one thing sure, he is giving up on one good catch of a woman ya know.. I hope you find the love you are looking for & what you deserve to have...it might of not been with him but God does things for a reason and maybe he feels you are better off without him for a reason. Hang in there & take care sweetie!!

Got any Chocolate Ice Cream?? that always helps me..Sorry Im late in posting this...I was surprised to here about ya & Matt.

Hugs & luv ya~
Amber

Been doing a little better this weekend except Friday couldn't sleep at all my mind was going overtime thinking about him and the loss I feel,not as many tears yesterday or today but then today I had a major crying fit trying to mow my crazy weed infested back yard and the mower kept dying.I was standing out there sobbing and cussing him out for not being here to do it for me anymore! What a sight I was!!!

Feeling real sad now I think night is the hardest but I know I have to get my a** in gear and focus on making it to work tomorrow and not crying there anymore! If I can accomplish that it will be a big step.....One step at a time I suppose

(((((Cali))))) You're gonna make it. I promise. You know how to reach me...ANYTIME.

Hugggz,
Patty

cali..i hope you feel better tomorrow..just remember time heals all wounds! Remember when he was gone you where able to do things on you own...I am sure you are a strong woman and will make it!...remember that everything happens for a reason and you will find your happiness soon! :grouphug:

You are a great woman for standing beside him and strong, It will be hard but you and do it. His loss............(((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))

I am so sorry to hear baout this. I am sure this is everyones worst nightmare. He will see that he is throwing away something very special, a waiting woman is not one to toss aside. I have no inspirational words for this. I am sure that you are flodded with an avalanche of emotion. This is such a risk for everyone you just never know what to expect. Approaching freedom is a very nerve racking thing especially when I have seen so many posts of this nature. You are still not alone as much as you may feel it you still have your family here. Hang in there. This will make you stronger...as much as that seems like a bunch of crock now it will...love ya Angie

I did a "cleaning" of sorts today.

All the pictures (they were taken down the first night) and letters,cards etc. went in a huge box in the closet.I started to read some of them but I just couldn't do that to myself,I'm not ready.The one I did read made me cry and made me just sick,sick,sick It was about him picking out wedding dates for us (Ha! yah right!)

Everything else went in the trash.....Lingerie he bought me gone,coffee mugs he bought me gone,49'rs glasses we bought together gone,his toiletries that were still here gone,even the food and drinks he bought me when he took me grocery shopping went in the trash! That may sound crazy but I just felt the need to get it all out of my sight before I went more nuts then I already am about this!

The only things I kept besides pictures and letters is the jewlrey he bought me but I put it all away in a drawer so I won't see it.

If only my mind and heart could be free of him as well :(

If only my mind and heart could be free of him as well :(

They will sweety, believe me they will.

(((HUGS)))

Phil

My heart breaks for you. I hope that soon you will find some peace. You did the right thing in cleaning everything out to help yourself let go. Love ya Angie

Ooooo Cali now after reading this thread I understand more what you have been telling me since my plight! You know what!? I am really beginning to wonder if they all DO go a little crazy after being locked up.

Sort of like depriving a child of candy or something else they absolutely adore, then give that candy or whatever back and the natural wild animal instincts kick in.

BUT, you know Cali you are better off without him AND IT IS HIS LOSS NOT YOURS!:thumbsup:

I am always here if you need to talk!

HUGS
~Nikki~

Cali- That was good that you did your 'clean-up'..another thing that helps is putting away or getting rid of any music you listened to together- any CD that reminds you of him. Sounds like you are doing a little better- as you said just take it a day at a time.Sending you lots and lots of hugs!

Everything happens for a reason. I believe that you do deserve better, you deserve someone to love you just as much as you love them. And once you have that you will realize that maybe there was something else out there for you, something that makes you happy. Give yourself time. He'll be the one losing out in the end not you.

I am sorry to hear that, but it sounds like you're doing better! The pain will go away very soon, and you deserve a whole lot better! Lots of hugs to you girl from me and you will be in my thought and prayers, you will soon get over this.

Thanks

Today has been rough I woke up at 5 am and immediatly started crying,cried my way through work and it hasn't stopped yet

I'll admit I picked up the phone to call him and tell him what a *%#@ he is for doing this to me and how could he as well as a few other choice things but I came to my senses and realized it won't do me any good as there is nothing he can say to make it better besides the sh*t he has been telling me he loves me always has always will but we don't want the same things in this relationship which doesn't help me any to get over this so I hung up before anyone answered.

((((((Cali)))))) baby, I am so sorry! I hate that you have to suffer through the healing process! I wish I could just fastforward it for you! Have you talked to anyone about it yet (therapist?) I just wanted to tell you that I am thinking about you and praying for you--- and I really really mean that. You are great and I am so sorry that you are hurting.....

Cali,
Hugs to you!! I will say a prayer for you tonight.

ONE

Im sorry too!! i hope things have gotten easier for you now. Has time helped at all? Man, that really, really, bites!!!!

Hi Cali, I just wanted to check in and see how you are doing. It's for the best that you didn't call- you probably would have taken your healing back several days upon hearing his voice again.
Many hugs are being sent your way- this dreadful feeling will pass- honestly it will.

Cali- Next time you feel like calling and telling him what you think about him just write it all down in a letter-but don't send it -just leave it for awhile. Really helps to get rid of some of the anger without having to deal with hearing his voice -which, as kezcat said, will delay the healing.Hugs to you and Dallas.:)

Lisa,
I am so sorry to hear about your heart break. I haven't been able to be on this site for a while as I right after Vincent and I got married (2/14) I became very sick. I finally had to go into the emergency room and had my gall bladder removed. Now that I am healing and trying to catch up, I was reading some new post and noticed that your signiture had changed. In serching you recent post, I found this one. I am SO sorry for everything you have gone through! No woman ever deserves to be put through what you have, especially after everything you have given him. Just when you dedicate your life to someone, and think this is how your future will be, they turn around and stab you in the back.

The truth is that I have been in a similar situation before. When I was married to my first husband (at 18), I stood by him when he went into prison for a couple of years. I was so young acting like an old maid. When he got out, I became pregnant with our daughter and what was he doing - no telling. Maybe drugs, cheating??? All I know is that after only four months of being out of prison - with me three months pregnant, he was shot and killed and the worse part was - there was another WOMAN in the car with him when this happened. The police never gave me a clear answer, only to say that there was another person in the car, but I knew it was a famale because she left her slip on shoes in the car when she took off running from the scene. I had the pleasure of finding them - size 10 (the same size as his previous girlfriends) when I had to go and recover the bloody car. I was 21 at the time, three months pregnant and now a widow and I thought my entire world had come to a crashing hault! I didn't know how I could possibly go on, the heartach and humiliation I went through was tremendous. Thankfully I had my family and my daughter to look forward to.

On a positive note, I did go on and had my beautiful baby girl (who is almost 12 now), and when she was only 3 months old, I met Vincent. I wasn't really ready for another relationship, but I just couldn't resist him. He told me the night we met that we would be together forever and now almost 12 years later (and another daughter - his this time) we are happily married with two beautiful girls and I wouldn't change a thing, except for the fact that he is now away from us for a while.

I know that hearing other people's stories isn't something that really matters at the time you are hurting, but I wanted you to know, that God doesn't give you anything he doesn't think you can handle. You are a special person and WILL make it through this, I promise.
If there is ever anything I can ever do for you, please let me know, I will try my best! By the way, I do have really broad shoulders!!!! :)

Dear Heartbroken Forum Leader,

Your heart may be broken now, but it will heal.
Look inside and see what's real.

You love/d him and in trust,
Life goes on and so you must.

Hold your head high~ even with tears,
You'll come out all right, never fear!

To him who left you, it is sad,
(Some would even call him a cad!)

But for you now here's a smile,
Peace will come..in awhile.

Now mend your heart, please do,
For there's many peope who do love you!


Respectfully,
MyRainbow

Sending healing thoughts and prayers to you tonight.

Thank you everyone! Rainbow good poem!

He called me today at work to let me know he was coming by Friday to give me some $ and "talk" I said "why I thought you were just gonna leave it under my door mat?" he said because he got off wk the same time I did and thought maybe we should talk.I went back and forth for awhile and then decided ok.
I'm not sure if it is the best thing for me but I kind of feel like I need to hear what he has to say (yes curiousity is killing me) and get everything off my chest.I met with a counseler through my work today and in telling her about it she said she thought I was doing the right thing by agreeing to it as maybe just maybe I can get some concrete answers and get a little closure,and by agreeing to hear what he has to say I am showing the big heart I have evn at a risk of it making me feel worse,she said after this long (15 years)there may come a day when I feel we can be friends,now I don't know about that.I think after this one last talk I will tell him he needs to mail the rest of my stuff to me,don't call,don't come over and I need to distance myself from his entire family who I am very close to and have been for 15 years.

I'm not even gonna sit here and lie my first thought (yes and hope)was he is going to tell me he made a mistake and is miserable without me and then I have to decide what to do,take another gamble or tell him to F off.I decide on if that is what he has to say then I will tell him nope it isnt that easy ,you need to take time still,we need to be apart and you need to be 100% sure its me and only me you want for the long haul and prove yourself.

In my heart though I am pretty confident that he doesn't have anything like that to say.I think its just because he knows I'm gonna be home when he brings the $ by so feels like we should talk.

Yah I know I may be setting myself back by doing this but really there isnt that much lower I can get (unless he has some crazy news like he is getting married or something) as I haven't healed any yet,still cry every day and still feel a horrible loss.I don't know it's just something I feel I need to do.I'm sure a lot of you won't agree with it and hopefully no one looses any respect for me but its just something I feel I need to do since he brought it up.I wouldn't have approached him about talking or anything even though I want to but since he says he has something to say I want to hear it no matter what it is and I want to tell him every single thing I have felt these past 15 years but mainly from his actions these past two weeks

awe,,, i would hear him out but stick to you GUNS cali. I too had hoped that jesse would have a revelation and make a come back for me... i guess it probly hasnt set in that its really over because unfortunately we still live together (me on 1st shift on 3rd makes this bearable) but i know now, i couldnt take him back because if he really did love me he wouldnt have done/said what he did EVER!

No one would think any less of you for wanting answers, Cali........
...and for what it's worth, I'd probably do the same thing.

You deserve closure; let's hope if that is the reason he's coming over, then he is man enough to follow through.

Hugs to you sister,
Sue

I'd do the same thing... I hope this talk helps your heart - not hurt it....
I'll pray for you.

Well I think you are doing the right thing you need to talk to him and let him know just how you feel and what these last 15 years have meant to you. And maybe you will get some closure and be able to move on with your life. But maybe there is that side that what if he tells you just how much he misses you and that he made a mistake. I think you should let him talk and once he is done you should tell him your side. And I do not think that anyone here will lose any respect for you, you are human and you are in title to love, hurt, pain but most of all to happiness. We all have done this once or twice or as many times all in the name of love. So I personally think you need this even if this puts you back a step in the long run it will put you two steps forward. We all have gone thru something like this when the pain was so much and unbearable but with time we all healed and so will you. With him or without him you are a strong woman and that will help. I only wish you the best and I look forward on reading your new post.

I think you are a brave girl and agree that if you can get some closure, go for it. Unitl you get all those bottled up feeling out, you'll never be able to begin the healing process. I wish you the best in your talk on Friday. Do you maybe have a friend that can come spend some time with you afterwards for extra support?
I also think you are very smart for talking with a professional. People sometimes think they must be crazy if they see a therapist or counselor, but not me. It can't hurt and may even be just what you need. Can you seek out more services with her? I tell you what, everyone needs someone to talk to that is purely there, just to listen to them and help them to figure out what they need to do.
Remember this - a good professional will never tell you what you need to do - even as much as you may want them too :) . They will only help you to figure out what your heart is telling you to do and help you decide if you want to follow through with that. Above all, they will help support you in whatever you decide. Kinda sounds like what a good friend should do, huh?
Also, don't worry about what others may think of the decisions you have made for your life, only you can make them and if they are a friend, they too will support you in whatever decisions you make, no matter what!!!

Thanks! I guess it isn't really that I'm afraid what others will think I am kicking myself for even having the smallest glimmer of hope that he says he made a mistake and for wanting to hear that as I really don't think that is what he has to say but as I said I'm not going to lie and put on a false front ideally that is what I want because I love him and want to be with him but on the flip side I don't want to go through this again so it's kind of a no win situation at this point.
Anyways yes I have the counseler through work but she is really just an employee assistance rep not any type of doc but I can go see here when I want.I got a referel today through my health insurance for a "real" therapist as well as meds (have been on them for years but stopped when he was due to come home for many reasons the biggest one is I was feeling happy and ok for a while) but she can't see me until the end of the month so yah I'm taking steps to help me along in this process because I know me and I know I need some help with this.

I'm not even gonna sit here and lie my first thought (yes and hope)was he is going to tell me he made a mistake and is miserable without me

Cali~Jus' keepin' it real girlfriend. If it were me I'd be doin' the same thing. God willing I won't face this situation but I can't say that I won't, none of us can. I can only hope that if and when I should find myself there I would have the courage and show the unmistakable class that you have. Regardless of the outcome, I got your back.

Always in your corner girl,
Patty

Well I dont believe now it is anything like that after speaking to him when he called to tell me what time he would be here tomorrow which brought on a whole new set of dissapointments and tears.I do however still want to go through with it to say my last goodbyes and everything I have that is heavy on my heart and mind.I can tell you right now the way I feel this weekend is going to be the roughest to get through yet though but somehow I have to do it and get better.

Cali, baby, do whatever you have to to get closure....
I am here for you ALWAYS.
((((HUGS))))

We are all here for you Cali -take care. This weekend might be the roughest, as you said, but then things will start to get easier- they really will! Sending you lots of hugs.

Cali,
If I were in your shoes I would allow him to come over also. Be strong! If he comes over and wants to work things out then do what you deel is best. IF he comes over and says he doesnt then I hope this is some type of closure so that you can begin to heal and go one with your life.

We love you and would never judge you for any of your decisions.

ONE

WHOA! I hated reading this post, knowing you are hurting so bad. :(

I wish I had the "magic pill" cause I would send it your way! Affairs of the heart hurt like nothing else...they can make the STRONGEST person WEAK!

I know if it were me, I'd probably want to talk to him...I mean, after 15 years, one would only expect you to be "soft" when it comes to him, and your feelings! I would probably want any contact, and chance to hear something "positive", I could get.

There is absolutely nothing that I could add that hasn't been said. You have family here and you have tons of people who truly want you feeling happier! Don't regret your decisions...you have reason to want to hear him out, or just see him, if that's what you want!

Cali~I'm so sorry for what you are going through. You remain in my thoughts and prayers. If you need me you know how to reach me.

Hugggz,
Patty

Cali,
I'm sure I would be curious too to hear what what's-his-name has to say..
You will carry yourself with grace and dignity.
Be strong.

Respectfully,

MyRainbow

Hi Cali, just wanted to tell you how sorry I am to hear about your situation. You sound very smart and strong...you will get through this. I wish you the best of luck dealing with all of this. Take care...Diane in Cali too...;)

:) Cali, If I could sing, I'd sing you a melody, If I could dance I'd ask you to, but I can do neither so I'll wish you much happiness and an end to your heartache for that's what I can do. Be well!

cali, I feel so many things after reading this but mostly I feel hurt for you. I have read so many of your posts for so long now and I have thought you to be a strong, well balanced woman who has a heart that just keeps on giving. You have been an inspiration just in the way you handle things... personally I want you to get back what you so readily give, and he has not seemed to be able to do that for you. It has been all about him so many times that I was wondering how you would ever feel really loved. This hurts you now and I know will always be a part of you yet I am thinking you never would have walked away, given time and healing you will find someone worthy of who you are.

Wow, Calif, I been following a lot of ur post since I been on here. I know you been though some stuff with him. Its like someone said they think the grass is greener on the other side. Once he relaizes what a jerk he ism he will wanna come crawling back. If he does, Carma is a m. fer. Just keep that in mind. I know it dont seem like the feelings well ever go away, but they will. I really just dont know what to say. Well, I wish u the best of luck and keep us up dated. :)

Thank you all
I have to be honest and tell you I'm starting to rethink my decision to see him and talk to him tonight because I'm feeling so nervous I feel ill and I'm crying already and I know him walking out the door again is gonna kill me but I'm going to do it.
The counseler said to make a list of things I want to say and questions I want to ask incase I forget in the heat of the moment.My list is 3 pages long!
I am going to ask him if he is willing to sit and listen to everything I have to say and if he will be a man and answer all my questions even if I won't like the answers.If he can't do that then there is no need for him to walk in,if he can then hopefully I can get through this no worse then I already am and maybe just maybe get some closure,say my goodbyes and feel and believe this is over forever so I have to move on.

Cali do what you need to do to heal.:grouphug:

Remember you always have Dallas and Dallas will run to you when you come home, sit on your lap, rub against you, and purr! Who needs a man?:D

Im me if needed:thumbsup:

WOW Cali, I had NO idea it was this bad :( I'm SO very sorry you are dealing with this. Feeling this heartache. I KNOW your pain. NOTHING is worse then losing your love, your dream, and your dignity. PLEASE know that your dignity really isn't lost, tho. This pain WILL heal. You will make it thru and things will be better for you in the long run. I know that's not much sollace now. You are ALL woman. KNOW that FEEL that!

We truly are here for you. Anytime you need to talk just PM me.

((((HUGS))))

Stacy

Try to remain strong Cali. It is good to hear you are reaching out for help, and talking about this situation with a counselor. You have not lost my respect by making the choice to talk to Matt. You need some type of closure and you deserve it after all you have been through with him. I think you are reaching the peak of your heartbreak. I hope the recovery from your broken heart will start soon.

Cali,
I just wanted to check on you and let you know I am thinking of you. Take care of you. Whatever you decided to do I support you !00%.

Take care
ONE

awwwww girlie Iam so sorry stay strong and if he thinks he wants to come back play hard to get make him realize it isn't a game going from 1 to the other my friend sent me a quote a while back "If you love something let it go if it comes back it was meant to be" or something to that extent I have it written some where I wish you luck girlie keep your head up he will realzie what a great woman he has lost

Hey Sunshine, I've been reading your posts but I haven't said anything till now. My heart and prayers go out to you girl. Trust me, even though I've known my man for 12 years and we've been together for almost 5 1/2 years I'm still afraid of what will happen when he comes home. Bottom line is I won't know what will happen when he comes home until I see it for myself. You deserve the best woman and for him to come out and say, that you both aren't on the same page and he doesn't see a future together is a bunch of bull@#&! you know what I mean. Though he may be in love with someone else, trust me every relationship is perfect and wnderful at the beginning, but later he'll realize that she's not YOU and that your shoes can never be filled. You keeo your head up high and though it's hard....I believe that you should move forward.

BTW, when were you both going to talk face to face, or did it happen already???? Sorry, just being noisy.

It was last night.I have been waiting to post because I dont really know what to say or how I feel.It didn't really go as expected.In a way I feel worse because he really is torn and confused I can see it but in a way I feel a little better because I got some of it off my chest ,I said my goodbyes and in the end it kind of made me mad so the anger felt a little better then the heartache for a few minutes at least.

I said everything I had to say and he didn't say much but what he did say spoke volumes.He does love me this I know 100% for certain but he can't be faithfull,does not want any commitments I think that is what it boils down to so while he loves me he doesn't love me enough to be fully commited.

While I do think he is an *** I also believe he thinks he is doing the right thing by me by not being with me because he can't be faithfull and commited to me or anyone for that matter.His Mother told me last night the same thing that he is completely confused and torn and with me its all about love and commitement with others (including who he is dating now although Mom still doesnt jknow who she is although she lives in the complex) it has nothing to do with that and that may be something her son can never give anyone and that while he is hurting me now by this he thinks he is doing the right thing for me since he can't give me what I want and deserve now rather then continuing it and hurting me more later.That he THOUGHT he could give it to me and wanted to but realized he can not.

I asked him what it was about me that makes him not want to be with me and he said he really didnt know, that there are no faults with me,nothing is wrong with me.I then asked him if I could be casual with him (which I can't) would he still want to see me or is it just me he doesn't want period? He said "your not just a casual,bootie call person to me I could never do it.I wanted space when we first talked and then I did feel like I wanted to start seeing other people,I had met someone and knew I was going to F up and hurt you,I never intended it to happen this way but it did so I had to end it"

He cried and he kissed me,when he kissed me I said "Can you tell me you didn't feel anything? Can you tell me you don't want me?" He said "No I cant tell you that of course I felt something and I do want you but I can't" I said "you cant what?" and he said "I cant want you and need you,I cant do this to you,Your better without me,you'd only keep getting hurt" then he pretty much jumped up in a panic and said he had to go,had to get the car back.(He had somebody elses car which I'd never seen before so I'm assuming it was this new girls)

I told him goodbye, this was it, he could send the rest of the $ to me and that I couldnt have anything to do with him or his family at least for a long while.He said call me,just call me as he was running out the door but I told him no I will not.I told him he was messed up for doing this,getting emotional and starting to let everything out and let me get everything out then running away before I felt I was done.

I also told him that while he has made many good changes in his life and I wish him well he has not changed the way he is about women or relationships and for that he is an *** and I am a fool.I'm a fool for believing my love changed him and he is an *** for letting me believe it had and that there was no one else on this earth that has ever loved him or supported him as much as I have and never would be and that in the long run he will realize what a great life he could of had if only he had matured more in the relationship dept.

I did see it with my own eyes,the tears,the love,the desire and I know he loves me but I also know he can't be who I need him to be.

When I said he angered me he did so by not being able to just sit and let me get everything out no matter how long it took and answer questions,give me the type of end and closure I felt I needed....When he got emotional he got scared and ran and I guess maybe thats the way he always has been and always will be.

Cali...girl I am so sorry. I started getting teary as I read your last post, because I went through something almost soooo like this one time, and I HATE it so bad that this is happening to you, because I know how bad it hurts! Like, not with someone getting out of prison of course, because my hubby is the only man I have ever been with in prison...but the way Matt is doing you. I got done exactly like that once and I KNOW how much it hurts, how bad it sucks, how much you want to just cry and scream and kick their a$$ all at once. I am so sorry sweetie, I wish I could give you some words of wisdom, but the only way I got past it was to let that person go, let them get out of my life for good, and just time...only time can heal it. :( Which is SO unbelievably hard, I know...just know I am here for you honey, and please believe me that you will find someone who will be so awesome and treat you like you deserve to be treated! I know it will take time for your heart to heal, but girl you are an awesome, sweet woman and you will be happy again, I promise. I thought my life was over, I was so devastated at the TIME, but then I met my husband and he is my world, I mean I have never felt anything for anyone that I feel for my hubby. Anything I have ever felt in the past was just like it never even existed, because our love is so amazing and true. He is the love of my life, my soulmate, and he treats me like his princess. I have never been happier, so girl I know you can find that too. Love you Cali girl, and I am just a PM away if you ever need to talk! ((((((Hugs)))))))

Thanks Cel

I feel really numb today,almost emotionless don't know if its from last night and the talk and my head/heart realizing it really is over forever or an antidepressant I started.Whatever it is I think I like it better then they hysterical sobbing 24-7 I can only hope it lasts and the horrible feeling off loss and heartache stay at bay.

Closure is so hard to come by, Cali, most of us never get it. I am so sorry as I, like everyone else knows the pain you are suffering. I hope and pray you are able to heal soon and get on with what will be a great life you're meant to live. I'm here for you, always.

Your friend,
Patty

Thanks Patty,While I didn't really get the type of closure I wanted in talking to him I realize as you said a lot never do and I guess I never will,it's something I have to accept.I think I'm starting to get to the anger phase and while that feels a little better then crying all the time it is also not a great feeling as now I'm starting to feel used,like I was tossed aside for another woman (even though he wants to be a free man and can't and won't commit to anyone so I know she is nothing special to him)and like he is a complete you know what.While it's a bit better then loss and despair it is also a whole new set of icky feelings.Gotta say I liked the numbness much better!

Awww Cali~ I feel ya honey, it's just part of the process that one must go through unfortuntately. Please know that you are not alone ever. Work through it at your own pace and the rest will come together.

Much Love,
Patty

((((CALI)))))....Baby, I am so sorry. I know it is all hitting you and as real as ever. I am glad that you talked to him. Maybe it would be easier to just hate each other- but you guys can't- because you do love each other. It is so complicated. I cannot imagine. I hope and pray that you gain closure from this and that the hurt and pain easies a little bit each day.

We are all here for you and love you.

Cawillia yes it would be much,much easier if I could hate him but I can't,I don't even though he probably deserves it :(
Thanks I love you too

aghhh, how it hurts to hear how your talk went!! I have been there too... and I could never hate them either even though it would have been easier. You are right, the angry phase is very hard to take, too, because you still feel helpless and frustrated...

"I also know he can't be who I need him to be" -- I think you hit it right there. Accepting that is a good thing, it WILL free you eventually, but it's hard right now-- accepting the unthinkable is the hardest thing on earth to do.

When something hurts that much, maybe it helps to keep your mind distracted with other things... like your adorable kitty, and friends, and the people who do love you.

I wish it could be easier, right here and now! Just know we're here for you... ((((hugs))))

cali, im learning myself that sometimes its better "not to know" what we think we need to. Its not going to change anything, its only gonna make us hurt more. I too am in the "anger phaze" but had a meltdown today while cleaning the apartment me and him share. its just a bunch of hi's and low's. i am thinking about counseling. not afraid to admit it, but this man just screwed with me too badly.

I just cant believe this happened to you.I am new to this site,but have read many of your posts.I am so sorry,but this just has to mean that there is something better for you on the horizon,so stay focused on that,and I wish you :grouphug: nothing but the best sweetie. Stay strong. You will be in my prayers.

No man is worth your tears....

and the one who is will not make you cry

Cali- Just wanted to let u know that I was thinking of you tonight. I know it will be a long healing process- but I think you are approaching it the right way. YOU HAVE TO COPE NOW and as much as it hurts you, and even us to see you so sad- I'm so glad you are dealing with things. You are trying to help yourself, and that is much easier said that done. Though you may not feel like it at the moment, I think you are such a strong woman and I admire your perserverance and strength. Please continue healing and coping and taking care of yourself. We all care about you.

Sometimes that closure we seek can set the healing process back. But I'm glad you got a chance to talk.

I think this says a lot and I ditto.

While I do think he is an *** I also believe he thinks he is doing the right thing by me by not being with me because he can't be faithfull and commited to me or anyone for that matter.His Mother told me last night the same thing that he is completely confused and torn and with me its all about love and commitement with others it has nothing to do with that and that may be something her son can never give anyone and that while he is hurting me now by this he thinks he is doing the right thing for me since he can't give me what I want and deserve now rather then continuing it and hurting me more later.That he THOUGHT he could give it to me and wanted to but realized he can not.

Today has been a just awful day.I haven't stopped crying since I woke up :(

I just want to know how in the h*** he could do this to me AGAIN? Me of all people,who lost it the first time we split up years ago,who has 15 years of history with him,who supported him 2 years while he was in prison,who he swore he loved above all others and would never hurt again How? How? How?

Cali sweetie I am so sorry girl. :( I don't know what to say, except that I am so sorry and we love you here girl...Big hugs out to you hun! I truly do care and hope your heartache will be eased soon. :( ((((((((((hugs cali))))))))))) :grouphug:

I don't understand it either, Cali. You probably will never understand :(.
I am sorry- please, take care of yourself.
Thinking of you,
Cate

I feel that Matt has years of spiritual and emotional growing to do before he could even match what you have to offer internally. He will never be fulfilled in any relationship he attempts until he allows himself to grow. At least he realizes that he cannot offer you what you DESERVE. Although you are enduring the daily pain of heartbreak, it will subside with time. You are open to experiencing a life full of love and happiness which I know you will achieve. At the rate Matt is going I feel his only true companion in life will be the feelings of loneliness and saddness. I once read that when somebody that has been a disturbance in your life walks out of it - it is a gift. Please feel better Cali. It makes me sad to read that you are in so much pain.

Today has been a just awful day.I haven't stopped crying since I woke up :(

I just want to know how in the h*** he could do this to me AGAIN? Me of all people,who lost it the first time we split up years ago,who has 15 years of history with him,who supported him 2 years while he was in prison,who he swore he loved above all others and would never hurt again How? How? How?

Awww CA :( I was afraid this might happen.

Try to get it all out so you can feel better. :o Each one of those tears is a symbol of how much you loved your honey. :eek: Truly, It's gone be OK. BELIEVE THAT!!! It just takes time. How much time :confused: is anybody's guess. Allow yourself to feel however you feel and start making plans.

:idea: Making plans for something always helps me because it gives me something to look forward to and work at.

Smooches CA

Cali I am so sorry that you have to go thru this . I Know it is hard he is the one who lost out becuz you were an exemplary woman. He will NEVER find a woman who could or would love him or support him in the way you did. If you ever need someone to talk too i am here feel free to email me whenever.

Got some mail from his boys in there today,they don't know about the break up yet,mail is real slow.One of them said he was glad to hear how well things were going out here and knew we would make it as he knew how much he loved me and what deep feelings he had for me from the way he talked about me,that they talked about me all the time :(

Made me cry even more and wonder WTF,how could he do this to me?

((((Cali)))) I'm sorry. Hang in there ya gotta get through this part to be able to move on. You're gonna be great, I promise.

Hugggz,
Patty

Cali :( - I'm so sorry, girl. Please stay as strong as possible.
I know it doesn't sound real, but each day that you cope is one day in the future that you don't have to. Things will get better and you are gonna come out of this strong.

Thank you I love you guys,your about the only thing keeping me sane (well semi sane anyways) through out all of this.I want to do absolutly nothing but lay in bed and cry and talk to no one but I make myself get on here to be a part of something that is somewhat of a comfort to me as I have much support here and understanding even though some of you haven't been through the break up after a homecoming and hopefully never will you do still understand as you have been affected somehow by a loved one being in prison.

Cali- Girl - (((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))

He owes me a little $ and when I last saw him I told him to mail it or leave it under my door as I couldnt see him anymore.He had been good about paying it back up until I last saw him now of course no $ as of yet.I have been debating with myself on wether to call him or not as I do need the $ but most of all I need him to do the right thing in paying me back so I won't feel as if I was just used, used, used.Anyways I just have complete anxiety over this so I finally decided not to call,just let it go.If he is going to do the right thing he will.If not then nothing I can say can make him do the right thing.
His not doing the right thing is just making me feel even worse though :(

Blah! Why oh why did it have to turn out like this?

Cali,
(HUGS TO YOU)))) Why did it turn out this way? Because the Lord has something better in store for you. Believe that because it is the truth.

ONE

Cali (((Hugs girl))) You know that princess is always here for you!

Hey Cali~ I have to agree with 1day...there is something so wonderful out there and when the time is right you will know it.

All the best,
Patty

:( man i am sorry to hear this. i am just hoping he will start acting right and maning up, for you and himself. i am at a loss for words right now, im sorry, but i do care and hope things are getting a bit better :) ~all my love and hugs~

Oh Girl...that sucks. I'm new here, but this is what this site is all about right? Lending support when one needs it! You are a bright, beautiful person who is missing the love she thought was forever. I can't promise that it will ever stop hurting...but i will tell you that the pain will dull into a distant ache...and slowly heal. Good luck hunny and be strong..:o

Thank you Jimmysbaby,very sweet of you!
Welcome :)

Lisa--

You keep staying strong and I know that you will get over this lull and who knows what will be on the other side of the fence? I just wanted to stop by and give you some ((HUGS)) as I feel you need them :D You know that I will always be here for you no matter what, k?

LOVE YOU!!!

Mel

I'm so sorry for what you are going thru. Keep your head up!

I'm sorry about all of this Cali. I know you are hurting. There is nothing anyone can say. I guess it will get better with time. At least I am not crying everyday. Close, but not actually crying. I never got ANY answers for the whole 10 year relationship. I can't even tell if it has hurt him one bit being away from me. So I really feel used and confused. I wish you the best. Take care.

Girl I Am So Sorry That U Have To Go Through That Bulls**t (EDITED PER PTO POLICY). But U Kno Thats Why God Made Us Becuz We Can Bounce Back To Reality N Move On With Our Lives. Im Sure U Are Feelin All Those Things For Now , N I Understand It Trust Me. I Feel So Mad For U , Becuz I Have Been Readin Ur Posts For While Now N U Were One Of The First People To Welcome Me To Pto. I Appreciate That ...n He Should Have Appreciated U More For Bein There For Him.. If I Was There I Would Kick His A** (EDITED PER PTO POLICY) For U ...for-real..thats What I Did To My Dumb Ex...hes Not Thinkin At All. But Its Ok. Stay Strong N Hold Ur Head Up....what Goes Around Comes Around ,for Him.....n Ull Get All The Blessings...for Bein The Woman U R...


Nunu

Just wanted to see how my Cali girl is doing today!!! I'm here for you girl!!! (((Hugs)))

I've been wondering about you too, Cali. How are you girl? let us know. ;) God bless~Aimee

so did you break up if I may ask .. How long does he have left

Thank you ladies! I needed some hugs! Today was a rough one but I'm hanging in there.

Fishkill,Yes we did a month ago and he is home,has been home 4 months now

Take care Cali, you are a strong lady. Thank you for sharing this, it makes us all a bit stronger.
I love your picture of 'Dallas'!
Abelle

Cali Girl....I feel your pain, but there will be brighter days, but as my girl India Arie says "and even if he left I wouldn't be sad, cuz there's a blessing in every lesson, and I'm glad to have known him at all.." My sister once told me that some people are only meant to be in your life for a season and a lot of the time its the people we are closest to. They are in our life for a reason and once they have done whatever it was that they were meant to do, then its time for both them and you to move on. I once had a friend who I loved a lot and basicaly the same thing happened to you happened to me. While he is still incarcerated, I wish him all the best. Actually, by breaking up with me, he did me a favor. So I try to look at that situation from that angle. He said he hoped we could still be friends but I told him to quit playin! Prison had him trippin for real!:thumbsup:

Ok, maybe I need to read all 1,000 post...my bad...are you towo back together again?:thumbsup:

You're not alone; I did 7 years and my husband did 10. The week he finished his five years probation he dumped me saying he knew before he came home that he no longer loved me. We'd been married 22 year - it's been 18 months since he left and I am JUST now beginning to function.

I know it's hard to think of now, but your life will move on. It will be different, but that is often better.

Good luck.

Im so sorry to hear that!! Just remeber that things will get better and that someone out there will be better to you and for you!! Remember that no man is worth the salt in your tears!!!

Love of love and hugs

We split up tonight.It seems he wants to see other people,is in fact already seeing someone whom he "really likes".He knew when he said he needed space that I was ok with that but wouldn't be ok with seeing other people but it seems he likes this new girl so much that he would of dumped me anyways if I wouldn't have told him I could not and would not do this.So thats it,done,over,half of my life wasted on a dream that was never going to happen.

I'm floored I thought everything was going to be ok and we did have a future together,I thought he really was just going through an adjustment period after prison.I never in a million years expected to be left for someone else.

I thought he loved me and that I was his future.I thought he just needed spome space and would realize that we were meant to be together like he has said so many times in the past but he said no it isn't just space he needs,he doesnt see a future with me.

I'm shocked,mad,hurt,crushed,heartbroken.I feel used terribly terribly used although he insists that isn't the case.

He wanted to stay and talk more and hug me and cr*p but I told him to GET OUT,GO,LEAVE MY HOUSE AND MY HOUSE KEYS, JUST GO so he did.

He has already called but I didn't answer.....why? what is there left to say?

Hi Cali,
Im new here but wanted to say Im so sorry for what happened to you. I did have something I was going to send you but cant seem to find it.It goes something like this.
"If you feel you were being used,you were, but by God. God put us "special women" there to help comfort those in prison. If they dont "need" us when they come out,its because we served a purpose,and its over"
I know it makes no sense right now but if I can find it I will send it. I sent it to my guy and he was alittle upset with me,but I told him to read it as it was not to think of it as being meant for him alone. He understood alittle better. I have already told myself that once in prison they do change. He may just need to see if other women find him attractive,again makes no sense but remember one thing.."we are dealing with MEN" He may see he was wrong and want to come back,if so,be careful,I know better said then done. At any rate put yourself out there,start dating if just for dinner,movie or drinks and with friends,then go for men friends,see what happens,You may find you dont really need or miss him at all(hopefully) Good luck
junglequeen

Lamon'ts Girl No we are not back together :(

Thank you ladies for your words of support! It means a lot

Hey Cali- just checking on ya baby. I'm here for you.

I am som sorry to hear what you're going through. I'll keep you in my prayers. You are living all of our worst fears. Hang in htere, you're a really special person, and he has no idea what he is losing.