I recieved a letter from him... Telling me that its okay with him if i date other men. he says he wants to be fair to me. He says that as a woman i have needs ect... This letter came out of the blue... I dont know what to make out of this? Is he asking for reasurance? or is he saying he doesnt love me? what am i to think? Any insight in this would be much appreciated--im a mess!!

He is probably just wanting to hear you say that you would never do that to him and at the same time he probably feels bad at the situation you are in because of him. If this is something you do not want to do just tell him that you love him and only him and that you would never do that to him. My boyfriend told me the same thing in the beginning. I just reassured him that I was going to wait for him and he didn't even need to worry about that. He later told me that even though he gave me permission it would have killed him if I would have gone through with it.

thats what i think too--that he is needing reassurance... ... ... but at the same time i am feeling that he doesnt love me like he used to... if he loved me, why would he want me to date other men? he said its only a matter of time before he gets hurt... what do i do? what am i to think? how do i reassure him?

If your profile is correct--you were 12yrs old when he was incarcerated? So, I'm guessing he's at least 50. Perhaps he's just being realistic about the situation, and truly wants you to have something better.

Dolphina
I agree , give him reassurance and just let him know how much you love him. On death row, they have alot of thinking time, think into things to much, read into things alot more than we do as well. All they have is us as a contact to the outside world. Sometimes they will have a bad day, full of insecurities, and then the next letter it will be that something else has happened (recieved some news off us), and moved on. Like to us, we would go in mail, oh, I went out with the girls the other day (just something innocent like that), not saying thats what you said, but that could trigger these thoughts, like what he said. I am sure he didnt mean it, and it will all be ok. Breathe and relax, trust me, it will be ok. Just let him know that, and keep reassuring him. I am sure he doesnt want you to leave at all. Most men in prison do go through these insecurities, you are not alone with dealing with these issues.
((((hugs))))

don't feed into this %$#! he's probably just going throught the notions and wants and needs reassurance from you

being that he's in jail and you are apart from each other he's probably doubting himself, doubting you and the relationship you have.

he needs you to support him mentally. let him know you'll be there for him. that your gonna stand by him through it all. the good AND the bad no matter how hard it is. tell him that your riding with him 'til the wheels fall off!!!
(some guys like that die hard attitude)
you really have to make him believe this. make him believe in you.

wether or not you be with someone else undercover is entirely up to you. just don't ever let anyone else know if you do!!

be real. he doesn't really want you to find someone else. you think he'll really be okay with the thought of you being with another man? or someone else giving you or doing for you what he can't??

In my opinion he's giving you the option to do as you please. I don't think he doesn't want to be with you- but he wants to see you happy.
If you wanted- you can do both.

I recieved a letter from him... Telling me that its okay with him if i date other men. he says he wants to be fair to me. He says that as a woman i have needs ect... This letter came out of the blue... I dont know what to make out of this? Is he asking for reasurance? or is he saying he doesnt love me? what am i to think? Any insight in this would be much appreciated--im a mess!!
My husband isnt a DR inmate, but he did once tell me the same exact thing for the same reasons. He even reminded me of that conversation right after we were married. He said that before we were married he told me that because he knew I had needs and didnt want me to go without blah blah blah....

I dont think for one minute that they really mean what they are saying when they say that. I dont think for one minute had I done that my husband would have been understanding and not hurt.

I think of it like this.....Have you ever heard some girl talking about shes not pretty or a really thin girl who says shes fat then her guy or her friends tell her she is beautiful or has a wonderful body. I think its some kind of insecurity and they are looking and hoping for the reaction they get.

Its the same with our guys who are locked up. They are very insecure and they are looking for the "your the only one I will ever want or need" reaction.

Now in the case of a DR inmate I guess its possible that he is trying to put your needs before his wants. Knowing that he cant give you what you need, but it doenst mean that he really wants you to do it. I think in some ways its just politicly correct for them to not be selfish and say those things.

I dont think he is saying he doenst love you. I think he is 1)needing assurance or 2) trying to think of you above himself

I would continue to write him about how you feel. If your stong on not needing anyone else then tell him that. In the end he will appriciate it

I would have to agree with the people that said he's just looking for reassurance from you. These guys go through so many emotions being locked up. Put yourself in his shoes. Can't you picture yourself telling him the same thing and sort of meaning it, but really just wanting to have him say he would never do that to do because he loves you that much and that he's waiting for you to come home?

Can't you picture yourself telling him the same thing and sort of meaning it, but really just wanting to have him say he would never do that to do because he loves you that much and that he's waiting for you to come home?
Thats exactly what I was trying to say, but you said it a lot clearer then I did

it sounds like hes unselfish and he understands that he may never be able to give you the intimacy that you may need from time to time, so hes letting you know that if you do what you need to do hes ok with it. i dont think it means he loves you any less. but atthe same time you can also let him know that you dont desire any one but him and that youd never do that to him, if thats what you mean. just reassure him that you love him and youre gonna remain by his side. they need that reassurance just like we do.

well, he called this weekend and we had a good talk. Thanks everyone for your input. you all helped me greatly!!