View Full Version : My example of abuse


Lucrisid
02-24-2003, 01:53 AM
Ok... I guess we all should start telling our stories of abuse- just so the ones that are to afraid or ashamed to talk about it know that they aren't alone and that there are ways out.
Here is mine...

Since early childhood, my parents would move from one home to the next, due to my dad's job. In retrospect, I think I was looking for a reason to quit moving and move out.

I got pregnant after dating Marino for three months- he wanted me to, and I was oh so in love. I think the day I found out I was pregnant, my life changed, because I vowed to do anything I could to keep the family together.
The first time he hit me was towards the end of my pregnancy...a couple of weeks after we got married. He was driving waty too fast and I was starting to have contractions. He kept on driving over potholes and curbs, which would cause me more pain. When we got home, I was crying- whap!- I got slapped for being a crybaby. Soon after that, slaps turned into punches- black eyes weren't uncommon. I always let him convince me that something I had done had caused this to happen.

I worked in his parent's and his restaurant/cafe days a week when i got pregnant again. Beatings continued, kicking me was added to the program. I miscarried at 4,5 months- while miscarrying, I was in our bathroom. He locked me in there for two days.I got to bury the fetus after he let me out. At work, people were told I was 'sick', and everyone in his family told me I should thank God I miscarried, since it was an embarrassment that I was pregnant again. I left, but a 'guilt-ridden' Marino begged me to come back, that things would change. A week later my nose was cracked.
Another pregancy 1 year later. As a punishment, he left me and our daughter and went on a trip on Christmas. He had a girlfriend. He came home and when bleedings started after another beating, he told me...either you abort for US or I will take Crissy away and leave. I did it. And the day I had the abortion, he took off with some other woman. I broke down, so his parents contacted my family to come and get 'the whore' (me).
I was just about to file for divorce, when he suckered me into coming home again...
After that, I was no longer allowed to talk to my family or see them. I got monitored. Working in the cafe- whenever cguests couldn't make up their minds and I stood at their tables too long, they thought I was talking, so I always either got called into the kitchen, where I'd get hit or it would have to wait til we got home.

I could go on and on- basically, things got worse- I left, hid and was found and went back several times. I was threatened by him, by his parents that I would lose my kids and die.

The day I left for good: my son (whom he wanted to make me give up for adoption for 'US') was just a baby- for yet another non-existent reason, my husband attacked me. I was down on the ground and he was punching and kicking, when I heard my son say 'mommy' for the first time- well, he was screaming in terror. This was the same way I heard my daughter 'say' 'mommy' the first time years earlier. I owed it to her to leave and not let them witness any more abuse ever again.

Last year, I found out my scull was fractured from back then. I suffer from panick attacks- anxiety. Nightmares. But I am free- he is in Germany and I am here- WITH my kids and I am happy- BECAUSE I LEFT.

Tanya

flygirlaa2
02-24-2003, 04:57 AM
Tanya, I am so sorry to hear what you went thru. It breaks my heart. I am so very glad for your childrens sake you got away from him. For your sake also of coarse.

lulu
02-24-2003, 07:32 AM
Oh Tanya, My heart goes out to you, I had those mightmares as well, still do at times.
I will write mine in a min. Thank you for sharing with us

deb
02-24-2003, 09:03 AM
Thanks for sharing. I grew up in a home like that. Thank god you left and your kids and you will not continue to experience it. It took me years of counseling when I was younger to deal with everything from back then.

Deb

emme
02-24-2003, 09:26 AM
thank you. you are, and always will be, an inspiration to me. you are a wonderful person and your family is so beautiful, and i will always be proud that you are my friend.

:D
emme

Menally-Ill
02-24-2003, 09:28 AM
Oh My God!!!

LUCRISID and LULU, I have just been SO PRIILEGED to witness you two come out with absolute honesty about your abuse. These are EXTREMELY PAINFUL THINGS you two have told us.

YOU CANNOT KNOW the RESPECT that has grown in me, for this honesty from the two of you!

PLEASE SPEAK UP! Someone may come to this forum in 6 months, and because of YOUR courageous honesty today, she might find her own.

And thus are lives saved!

ON MY KNEES, I say THANK YOU for this honest post!

ALL! ALL! ALL MY LOVE!!!
Menolly

Phil in Paris
02-24-2003, 09:55 AM
Tanya

Thanks for sharing your story. Gosh, what a nightmare it was !!! It hurts me to know that such a wonderful person as you are, had to go through this for years.

I'm so happy to know you're safe so far away from him and his family, and that you started over again a new life with your kids, Ernie, and the new kids !!! Now you deserve nothing but respect and happiness !!!

Love ya girl, my friend :)
Phil

Imconfused
02-24-2003, 10:03 AM
Oh my God :( But in all retrospect? You are ONE HELL OF A LADY :) You have been thru hell and back and look who you are today.
Amazing as to how one can pull up from a life like yours. You deserve the BEST LIFE ONE CAN HAVE:)

Lucrisid
02-24-2003, 11:26 AM
Hey... the very worst thing is that I know that worse things are happening out there. I wish that abused women and men speak up for themselves. That they find the courage and quit feeling ashamed of themselves. I want them to quit having the feeling of having to be 'loyal'.
Don't be afraid that you will end up being alone-chances are, you might find the right partner. Alone still beats getting killed, though.

Today I cherish every moment I get to spend with my family I wasn't allowed to see or talk to for years.
My kids had the chance to have somewhat of a childhood- and do you know one more thing? I don't try to hide my face anymore- I walk with my head held up high and SMILE...

LucidDream
02-24-2003, 12:13 PM
Lucrisid,
your story is chilling...I also grew up in a home like this. I thank you for sharing your story and I am glad you are here today to share your warmth, wisdom and love.

hugs,
Cindy

Valerie
02-24-2003, 12:30 PM
Your a hell of a women,it takes guts to leave and your an example for all. I respect you.

kimla
02-24-2003, 02:38 PM
Tanya,

I am sitting here a little numb after reading your story. I can see him hurting you -- I remember my own pain. I am so proud of you for leaving him and starting a new life for you and your children.

Thank you for sharing your story!

Kim

Lysbeth
02-24-2003, 05:51 PM
Tanya, you and Cindy and Lulu just became three of my heroes today. God willing and knock on wood I will never have to experience such physical abuse, but even so, as a woman you three are truly inspirations to me. Thank you for sharing your story!!!

Lucrisid
02-24-2003, 07:42 PM
I hope it will have the result that we can help others. Thank you!!!

Jeni
02-24-2003, 09:38 PM
Tanya-bless your heart girl! It takes courage and strength to do what you did, and you've got a ton of both! Thank you for telling your story cuz I know it couldn't have been easy. We love you girl!