Today, I found out a friend of my husband has been incarcerated again. He had made parole two years ago. He had landed a good job, gotten his driver's license back after paying some major fines, gotten a brand new vehicle, reconnected with his family, made ammends there, remarried. Gotten into some step programs for his addictions and was going to meetings each and every day.

So I am stuck with that age old question - Why?? What takes them back in? When they hate prison life so bad, vow to never go back and end up going back anyway.

I mean this guy seemed to have really gotten his life back and here he is back inside again. It is all so very sad.

I just need to understand why this happens. This is not a young kid either. He is 51yrs old.

Does anyone have any ideas to help me understand this nightmare??

Addiction will do it. If you do some research on his drug of choice, you'll find your answers. That's what I did. When I found out my husband was an addict, after venting I did my research so that I could find out what was going on with my husband AND WHY, and I found all my answers. Yes, it is sad, and it is bad. Enjoying some great times is just as much excuse to relapse as going thru some ruff times. And then, it could be about no times because my husband has told me that there have been times when he just found himself buying the drug and using it without really even considering to think. I never could understand that. I was like "what, you just going along and minding your business and then the next moment like poof you're getting high?" And he said yes. There's a book that I ordered for him a couple years ago, I read it first, and then I understood exactly what he meant because it was explained in the book that that's something that can happen with an addict, and it explained why. 51 years old huh -- my husband said there is no age for addicts are of all ages from kids to grandparents. And because grandparents today are in their 30's, I guess that would mean greatgrandparents too.

Addiction will do it. If you do some research on his drug of choice, you'll find your answers. That's what I did. When I found out my husband was an addict, after venting I did my research so that I could find out what was going on with my husband AND WHY, and I found all my answers. Yes, it is sad, and it is bad. Enjoying some great times is just as much excuse to relapse as going thru some ruff times. And then, it could be about no times because my husband has told me that there have been times when he just found himself buying the drug and using it without really even considering to think. I never could understand that. I was like "what, you just going along and minding your business and then the next moment like poof you're getting high?" And he said yes. There's a book that I ordered for him a couple years ago, I read it first, and then I understood exactly what he meant because it was explained in the book that that's something that can happen with an addict, and it explained why. 51 years old huh -- my husband said there is no age for addicts are of all ages from kids to grandparents. And because grandparents today are in their 30's, I guess that would mean greatgrandparents too.

Thanks for your very warm reply. This friend I could have bet would be the one to make it. However, my husband tells me he was an addict and so I guess that does explain it.

It would be very helpful to me if you could remember the name of that book. It sounds very interesting.

We on the outside often think just because they are incarcerated they are drying out and sad to say that isn't always the case. My husband pointed out at least in the prisons he has been in, there are more drugs available sometimes than are out here on the streets.

Drugs brings in lots of money in prison, it is so very sad.

Yes, it doesn't matter what age. There is no age limit on addiction.

I just know I am very sad to hear this very disturbing news.

Thanks again for your insight.

Babygirl I am sorry that he went back in, it is so frustrating for us to watch our friends and loved ones re-enter. Life is not easy for anyone, and when you are an ex-con it is probably 100 times harder, because the cards are stacked against you in a way that you and I don't feel. I think sometimes they go back, because old habits are hard to break. Even though they seem to have a good life being free, it is easier to do certain things to get by, which in turn get them in trouble. It is harder for some to give up old lifestyles (drugs, easy money, etc) than it is for others. **{HUGS}} to you sweetie, hang in there and keep your head up.

Thanks I appreciate that.

I was just so hopeful, this would be his last stint.

Perhaps this time he will go even further and come out with a renewed spirt and stay clean and living in the free world again.

I will keep hope alive for him anyway. He is much too nice of a man, to keep this monkey on his back.

Have to keep Hope alive you know, because sometimes that is all one has.

Babygirl, I don't have any words of wisdom but wanted to let you know I share your pain. My guy's longtime cell partner, who was doing life w/ possibility of parole and had been incarcerated this stint since 1978 but had been in off and on since 1970, was paroled in October. A few weeks ago we learned that he had been arrested for DUI with attempted escape, and he is currently sitting in a county jail waiting to go back into the system.

That has been depressing enough, but just the other day we learned that another friend of his - this one I have never met, unlike the other, but still - is back in prison. This man had two life sentences (under the habitual offender act) and was never supposed to have gotten out - he was released during the state's attempts to solve the overcrowding problem with releasing non-violent offenders, released about a year and half ago or a little more. It was a miracle and opportunity of a lifetime that he got out at all. Now he's back in, a petty theft charge to get money to buy drugs, I heard.

And now neither will likely ever get out again. It's very depressing and frustrating and saddening. Though I must say as much as I may hate our own situation with parole denials and all, it's made me somewhat appreciate the fact we are not going to have to deal with the parole stuff, and that he does have an EOS date even if it still seems a long way off.

Anyhow, just wanted you to know you are not alone in this. Hang in there, we all need to...

This same situation is my greatest fear. I have given my husband an ultimatum. I will not take him back if he screws up just once. This is the first time he has ever got into trouble (he's in his 40's) and it will be the last time I put up with it. I will always love him, but I cannot take the pain and that depression that snuck up on me and stayed and haunted me until it felt like leaving me. I can't live like that.

Thanks for your very warm reply. . . .
It would be very helpful to me if you could remember the name of that book. It sounds very interesting. . . Thanks again for your insight.
You're welcome babygirl. It's in his closet, so when I get home tonight I'll post again with the information. I was gonna offer yesterday but knew I'd forget, but now that you've reminded me, I'm gon send myself a PM as a reminder. It's an EXCELLENT read and I read it in less than a day, then I mailed it to him.

hi babygirl -- I just went on line to see if I could find the book and I have. If you do a search for Helping Someone Overcome Addiction you should be able to find it. The cost is about $18. On the right side of the cover a girl is sitting on the floor and on the left side of the cover a man is sitting in a chair facing her with a female standing beside him. You should be able to find it easy. It's an excellent book. There's no cure in it but it's very informative.

Babygirl, I don't have any words of wisdom but wanted to let you know I share your pain. My guy's longtime cell partner, who was doing life w/ possibility of parole and had been incarcerated this stint since 1978 but had been in off and on since 1970, was paroled in October. A few weeks ago we learned that he had been arrested for DUI with attempted escape, and he is currently sitting in a county jail waiting to go back into the system.

That has been depressing enough, but just the other day we learned that another friend of his - this one I have never met, unlike the other, but still - is back in prison. This man had two life sentences (under the habitual offender act) and was never supposed to have gotten out - he was released during the state's attempts to solve the overcrowding problem with releasing non-violent offenders, released about a year and half ago or a little more. It was a miracle and opportunity of a lifetime that he got out at all. Now he's back in, a petty theft charge to get money to buy drugs, I heard.

And now neither will likely ever get out again. It's very depressing and frustrating and saddening. Though I must say as much as I may hate our own situation with parole denials and all, it's made me somewhat appreciate the fact we are not going to have to deal with the parole stuff, and that he does have an EOS date even if it still seems a long way off.

Anyhow, just wanted you to know you are not alone in this. Hang in there, we all need to...

Lysbeth- Thanks so much for your very sad tales. I say thanks because it just goes to show me there is always someone in worse shape.

That is the remarkable thing about PTO, we each come from different backgrounds, different states and situations and we all have unique experiences in one way or another.

For these men to have possibly, more than likely blown their miracle chance for freedom, is just all so very sad.

I agree with you even though waiting a time for an EOS can be most difficult, it is my opinion it is far better than parole. There are just so many variables of being violated and some seem to be beyond ones control.

Just have to keep the faith, try and keep our head up and keep moving forward. That is about as good as it gets for me anyway.

hi babygirl -- I just went on line to see if I could find the book and I have. If you do a search for Helping Someone Overcome Addiction you should be able to find it. The cost is about $18. On the right side of the cover a girl is sitting on the floor and on the left side of the cover a man is sitting in a chair facing her with a female standing beside him. You should be able to find it easy. It's an excellent book. There's no cure in it but it's very informative.

Thanks so much. I will be looking for it for sure. Oh I know there is no cure for addiction except the one who is addicted has the power to break the cycle if he/she chooses.

I appreciate you checking it out for me.

Today, I found out a friend of my husband has been incarcerated again. He had made parole two years ago. He had landed a good job, gotten his driver's license back after paying some major fines, gotten a brand new vehicle, reconnected with his family, made ammends there, remarried. Gotten into some step programs for his addictions and was going to meetings each and every day.

So I am stuck with that age old question - Why?? What takes them back in? When they hate prison life so bad, vow to never go back and end up going back anyway.

I mean this guy seemed to have really gotten his life back and here he is back inside again. It is all so very sad.

I just need to understand why this happens. This is not a young kid either. He is 51yrs old.

Does anyone have any ideas to help me understand this nightmare??

I don't come from the point of view of addiction. I come from the point of view of fear.

I don't know really how to explain this, but there are times when I want to say to heck with this and go back.

Prison was, and is no place to be, but, how to say this, I did not have the daily worrys, pay the bills, keep the job, deal with people - that one is hard explain.

Sometimes, when I get up in the morning I just shake to no end, I am afraid of what the day will bring, will the routine be broken. Of course, it is always broken, I don't know - fear is what I deal with.

I spent twenty years in the military, because I was afraid to leave the comfort of the routine, I was afraid to discover new ways of life. At times, I think oh h@ll, blow it, go back, and I won't have to deal with this insane world.

Then I remember that other insane world.

Patti

Patti:
I was very touched by your post. I think you are right, many are motivated by fear, and yes the stress with bills etc can be overwhelming. I would imagine that the longer a person is in, the more difficult the transition can be.

In these situations I just don't see how locking this man up in jail is going to help him with his addiction or help his family? If anything there is more drugs in prison then there is out on the streets! We need Prison Reform and we need it now! Our prisons are full of non violent offenders that would benefit from a totally different program that wouldn't require "lockdown." These people need to learn how to be humans again and to blend into a society not be seperated from it.

Addiction will do it. If you do some research on his drug of choice, you'll find your answers. That's what I did. When I found out my husband was an addict, after venting I did my research so that I could find out what was going on with my husband AND WHY, and I found all my answers. Yes, it is sad, and it is bad. Enjoying some great times is just as much excuse to relapse as going thru some ruff times. And then, it could be about no times because my husband has told me that there have been times when he just found himself buying the drug and using it without really even considering to think. I never could understand that. I was like "what, you just going along and minding your business and then the next moment like poof you're getting high?" And he said yes. There's a book that I ordered for him a couple years ago, I read it first, and then I understood exactly what he meant because it was explained in the book that that's something that can happen with an addict, and it explained why. 51 years old huh -- my husband said there is no age for addicts are of all ages from kids to grandparents. And because grandparents today are in their 30's, I guess that would mean greatgrandparents too.

I don't think my reply is your husband's friends situation but there are men who intentionally commit a crime just to be put back in prison. I knew of one around 15 years ago who just couldn't adjust to the outside after having been in so long. He had gone in as a teenager and was in his late 20's. He had never even had a driver's license. He was also physically sick. I can't remember if it was colon cancer or AIDS (it was one of those) and I guess he couldn't get to the doctors on the outside. He got to anxious about stuff like that. His family had disowned him so he didn't have anyone to help him. One day he went to a Baskins Robbins 4 blocks from his apartment and held it up, then kind of hung around outside of it waiting for the police. Prison had become his home and he missed having it all laid out for him when to get up, go to bed, eat, see a doctor and he knew the system. He had been an old timer with respect in prison. He knew how life worked there. I guess the word is institutionalized. He wanted to go "home." I guess for him, with his physical problems and inability to get to appointments on the outside etc. he would have ended up destitute and homeless.