This may be long. So I'm sorry in advance for having to explain all of this. I will make it as short as I possibly can.

Ok, well my Dad has a SERIOUS drug problem! It's so bad, and it's ripping my heart to peices, because me and my dad have ALWAYS been so close, I have always been a daddy's girl. And whenever my mom and Dad would fight, I always stuck up for my Dad, even when he was wrong! He has always been a really bad alcoholic, which is why him and my mother aren't together anymore. (Or so I thought..) My mom just got so fed up with it... all the fighting and waking up to him puking. My dad use to put vodka in his coffee in the morning! I remember when I was little, it never seemed to bother me because I always thought he was just being silly, but as I grew up I started realizing how BIG of a problem it was turning into. My dad use to get totally drunk and start screaming "I AM GOD!!!" and "N - W - O!!!" (Some wrestling thing) And he was loud and obnoxious, and the more he drank, the worse it got. Well that was when my mom gave him the option of being with her. She told him if he doesn't quit drinking, then we are all leaving him. And he didn't.... He couldn't do it, not for my mom, not for his kids...
But a year after they split, he finally quit, and to this day it's been 5 years since he has had a drink. Great right?.... Well, I think he just figured if he isn't drinking, he will just do drugs....

He tryed coming back, but my mom had already moved on, (it was the HARDEST thing she ever had to do!) And she wasn't going to allow him to hurt her anymore, or us. I think thats when it started getting worse for him. He has always smoked weed, which I am use to because him, my brothers, and cousins, and even 2 of my aunts smoke. So that didn't really bother me. But then I just started noticing things about him...
He stopped going to work, and would sleep everyday untill 5 in the afternoon, and then stay up all night. He started selling pills, and even had the guts to ask me a few times to take him on his "runs". I did, because he though I didn't know what he was up to, but I knew... I knew very well! Even at my graduation, he was on the phone the whole time. And my Graduation party, he came for 5 mins, and left .. said he would be right back... and never came back. This was unlike him, because he has always gone out of his way to do things for his kids, taking us out to dinner, to the fair, to cookouts, and anything he could afford (which wasn't much.) But it meant a lot to us. We enjoyed being with him, and he enjoyed being with us. He didn't even get me a card or anything on my Graduation Day. But I didn't mind, material things and money don't mean everything, I was just happy that he made an effort to come. Untill I noticed everytime I looked up from the stands he was on his phone!

Things kept getting worse, he lost so much weight, he looks like he is DYING! His stomach caves in at his ribs, and his cheeks sink into his face. He looks like he is deteriorating! I stopped coming over all the time, to coming over about once a week to visit, it killed me to see him that way, and besides that all he ever did was hang out upstairs in his bedroom, sleeping, and doing drugs. I knew he was doing drugs, but I wasn't sure what he was doing. Untill I went upstairs one day while I was visiting him and he left me there to do a "run". I wanted to know.. I started walking up the stairs... I didn't even have to make it all the way to the top when I saw a crack pipe sitting on the dresser (the door was wide open). No one EVER goes up stairs, so they wouldnt think twice to hide it. I left that instant. I was in total shock, is my dad smoking crack?!!?!? It hurt so much. I called my brothers and they said they already suspected it. I called my mom and she told me the worse news of all! My dad has been hooked on it most of my life, which is the MAIN reason why they split up. Because he kept doing it behind her back and coming home all f***** up. WHY?!? Why would he do this to his family?? He loves us, I know he does because he tells us all the time! (this is so hard to type...Im about to cry!) Why couldn't he stop doing drugs and drinking for us??? I dont understand....

Well, I still continued to visit him, I mean... he IS my dad and I DO love him very much! And things weren't too awful bad when I went over there. He stopped selling drugs so he wasn't just leaving all the time. but he continued to look worse and worse. But even though he has been hurting us so badly, he has never blown us off. EVER! Untill this past christmas...
We always go to our dads house christmas day (me and my brothers) and spend christmas with him. (We spend christmas Eve with my mom) And this last christmas we told him we would be over at 9 am. Well, we showed up.. he was home. His bedroom light was on and the door was unlocked. We kept knocking but no one would answer. I KNOW they heard us because we were banging on the door pretty damn hard! So finally we just opend it and walked in, and his girlfriend (Who is one of my best friends mom, and she also is addicted) Was sitting right there in the living room, ignoring us! WTF?! I was pissed! So she said she would go tell my dad that we were there... and we waited and waited and she finally came back down stairs looking all strung out, and said "He doesn't want to come down, he said come back later!" Are you f****** serious?!?! ITS CHRISTMAS! Ohhh I was so mad. So We left and my brothers were pissed too, and they didn't want to go back, but I did, I spent like 200 dollars on him for christmas and I am NOT letting that go to waste! So I went back around 6 pm. The door was locked, and they were still home (lights were on and I could hear the TV) But they wouldn't answer the door, I called and hung up and called back for about 10 mins and then he shut his phone off. I then just started breaking down crying. I was so hurt. It was Christmas, and we always sspend christmas with my dad. So I left the presents on the porch underneath a chair and threw a box flipped over on top of them so that no one would steal them (Because crackheads are over there all the time (obviously)) And I was about to leave when I saw Justin pull in (My friends boyfriend) And he said that Sarah (my friend) tryed coming over to visit her mom (My dad's girlfriend) and that her mom was all f****** up and couldn't even speak right. So we left and went over to Sarahs for a while, and me and her talked about it. I decided I wasn't going to talk to him untill HE calls ME!

About 2 weeks went by and I got a blocked call on my phone and I answered it and it was my dad. I said "hello?" And he said "Hey, who is this?" And I was like "Umm this would be your DAUGHTER!" and he said "OH! I didn't mean to call you, I was trying to call someone else" I started crying but hid it so he couldn't tell that he was hurting me. He said he was sorry, well actually he said "I'm sorry I didn't come down and see you kids on Christmas, I was just being MEAN, MEAN, MEAN that day!". I didn't forgive him, just simply said "Oh, ok." And then he told me that he never found the presents I had left him, and that he thinks someone stole them. Great... 200 dollars thrown away, like I can afford it! The conversation was short, I could hardly understand most of what he was saying anyways, and I wanted to get off the phone so I could let all my emotions out, I just wanted to CRY!!
I called my mom and told her, and she cryed too. She loves my dad very much and still says to this day if he actually got his S*** together she would go back to him, but he wont! My brothers have tryed to talk to him about it and he just thinks they are "Attacking him" and trying to "Cut him down" Him and my brother Travis got into a HUGE fight because my brother asked him why he smoked crack. He kicked my brother out of his house becaus he said he wasn't going to sit there and let him "bring him down like that". Well my brothers are talking to him again and visiting again, but I havent talk to him since the 2 weeks after christmas when he "accidentally" called me. My brothers said he never apologized to them either. I'm waiting for him to call me. My brother's told him that he needs to call me and they said he didn't say anything when they told him, just got a look on his face as if he were scared to.
Well I went out to lunch with my brother Travis and my mom the other day, and Travis said he is pretty sure my dad is doing Herion now. I cryed and my mom tryed not to, to stay strong for us. I'm going through so much already with Ben being locked up and now this! Its so much to deal with. My mom use to go visit my dad all the time, even though they werent together they have always been good friends, but not she can't even bare to look at him with out breaking down. I don't know what to do, I need help helping him! So if any of you have any advice for me, or if you can relate to this situation, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE post! I am starting to fall apart, my whole world is crashing down, and I just want my dad to be ok and be able to walk me down the isle one day when I get married and be there when I have kids, I want him back in my life, and I want him to be HEALTHY and HAPPY! Me, my mom, and my brothers are unsure of what to do, but we all want to get him away from this before its too late.

Thank you SO much to all of you who took the time to read this. I can not express how much I appreciate and value each and everyone of your oppinions! Thank you - thank you - thank you!

I am so sorry you are going through this honey.I really don't have any good advice for you as I don't know how to help you help him.I don't believe anyone can help him he has to want it for himself until then he won't do it.My boyfriend is an addict and I tried for years to help him with no progress,he wasnt ready to be off drugs.It ended up splitting us up for many years but once he hit bottom (going to prison and loosing everything he had) it made him realize he didn't want that life anymore and he has now been clean 26 months (2 years in 2 months out).

My Father is also an alcholic who has no desire to quit drinking.We are not close at all and it does hurt me but I have been without him in my life except the ocassional call so after 20 something years I am used to it.Sad but true.

I just wanted to tell you I read your post and it hurts my heart to hear the pain your going through and expressing here.Huge hugs to you honey.I hope someday your Dad gets clean and you two can rebuild your relationship.

There Is Hope.my Dad Has Been Drinking For 25 Years And Is An Alcholic.after Years Of Drug And Alcohol Problems He Finally Hit His Low.he Left My 2 Year Old Unatended.while It Wasent Myself Who Left Her With Him I Am Still Very Disapointed In Him.he's Been Sober 3 Months, No Drinking No Drungs, He Even Quit Smoking.maybe It Wont Last But Adleast He's Trying.ladies, If You Don't Like What He's Doing Then Don't Go Around Them. They Know What Theyre Doing And When They Hit That Bottom You'll Be The First They Appoligize To.

Your story is a very sad story .... and not all that uncommon a story. You are not alone. Others have lived and are living with active addiction. The sad thing about addiction is that it is progressive. Unless the addict stops using and abusing they will continue in a downward spiral until they hit their personal bottom ... sometimes taking several bounces on the bottom before they stop hitting it.

There is hope for you. You are not alone. Go to http://www.alanon.com/ Find the page with the reading "understanding ourselves" and you will see how many have felt the frustrations and helplessnes you are feeling. It is possible for you to feel better. Sometimes when you get the support you need from other children of addicts the addict recovers. Whether the addict does or not, you can still feel better.

(((HUGS)))) I wish I could tell you what to do, but the reality is there is nothing, he has to want to get sober, I KNOW he loves you and your brothers but he is an addict/alcoholic and that disease will allow you to do and say things you never dreamed off, and the guilt and remorse is so bad that you just pick up another drink or drug to hide the pain, I know this first hand because I am a recovering alcoholic....I have 3 sons, all grown, that I put thru h*ll. To this day the guilt overwhelms me at times but that was yesterday.......Today I am clean and here for them, I can tell you that addiction is awful and unfortuanately some people never get clean, "some of us have to die so some of us can live", it's sad but true, sometimes someone can get 'forced soberity", (jails, institutions) and it can work but only if that person wants to get clean.. I know it's hard honey, but know this: it's not your fault....Your Father has a disease,...and the suggustion for you to get in touch with alanon is an excellant one, it will really help you to understand this disease, and you will be able to love your Dad for who he is...You have the choice to not be around him when he's using, that's called boundries... ALWAYS take care of you......God bless you... If you need to talk, PM me... I'll help anyway I can.....Your Father is in my prayers.........

Hi sweetie, I am so sorry you are having to go through these things. I was myself addicted to meth for a long time. I know he is ripping your heart out of your chest. I myself have 3 kids. I am soooo sorry for the way I treated them. But unfortunately I did not realize it until I was sober.

My kids are 11,8 and 5. They are not old enough to know exactly what all happened. They only know Mommy was gone for a long time. This is so hard to talk about still.

With addiction any time you start to feel you run back and get high. So then your emotions dont hit you. Which only makes you not realize what is really going on, and how bad you are really hurting people. I dont think anyone actually gets clean until something bad happens to them. Maybe it is a realization that hits them like a ton of bricks, maybe it is getting arrested, maybe it is losing everything you have. But something is going to happen to make him come to face what is really going on. I know this probably dont really help you out a lot right now. The best thing to do is just stand by his side.

I left everything I had when I was addicted to meth. I left my kids, my family and my life. I had a really good job working for an attorney as a paralegal and it all went to s***!!! My life spun out of control and I was still getting high, as fast as I could. And of course it was everyone elses fault.

I think you need to stand by and watch for a sign any sign. Keep your faith pray a lot. Maybe make dates with him he cant break, let him see how fast the babies are growing up. Make him be with you one day out of every week. Maybe talk him into church. Show him what he is missing in life, and how much better life can be sober. This is very hard for most people to understand. Unless you have once been there.

The whole time I was high nobody could tell me I was addicted and was going to lose everything. I would not listen, I thought I was in total control of myself and my life. The signs were there but I thought I was invinsible. I was totally alone and losing it all.

I think maybe you need support too. Maybe try going to your local Alanon classes. These classes are for people who have a loved one who is either an addict or an alchoholic.

I am usually at this site, so if you need me I am here. Maybe I can tell you what is going through his head at times. Which all addicts are different. Honey I hope this helps you out a little.
XOXOXO

Krissie, I read your post shortly after you posted it earlier this evening and it's been on my mind all night. Let me see if I can get some of my thoughts together at all...

I can kind of relate directly to your situation, having had a father who was an alcoholic, but it wasn't really the same kind of deal. My dad was a perfectly functioning alcoholic, his drinking never really affected my life or my family's life negatively, which is a rare occurrence. Oh, I'm sure somewhere in my subconscious there is some residual negative related to it, but I was 23 years old before it even ever occurred to me that my father might have a drinking problem, that's how inobtrusive his drinking was. And while most loved ones of alcoholics and addicts have a million horror stories in their past related to the disease, with my father, I only have one, and it's not even worthy of being called a horror story - not being allowed to go on the spring break trip with my friends my freshman year in college was more traumatic for me than my one negative alcoholic experience with my dad. He was also one of the rare few that a life change, rather than help and/or treatment, stopped the drinking. So in that regard, while I can certainly relate to having a father that's an alcoholic, I can't really relate to being hurt by that on a father-daughter/child level.

But I do have or have had other alcoholics in my life, the two most important who were/are also drug addicts, and yes, I can relate to that kind of pain through my experience with them. One was my ex, and the other will be my husband one day, when this prison mess is in the past. Not only that but they used to be best friends, and drug buddies. The hurt and the frustration and the horror and the pain you and your mom have gone through, I've been through with them, hundreds of times over. As my guy has said in the past, every drug addict likes to think they're different from the others, and there may be different circumstances and different details, but the story's still basically the same... and the stories all end the same way, if one doesn't stop.

But actually I am relating more to your story through the eyes of others... two of them are my boyfriend's little brothers, who were still babies when their big brother first went into rehab as a teenager, and not much older when he went to prison. Until he went to prison, they never knew their big brother clean and sober because he never was anything but drunk or high, or both. And sometimes after prison, too. They were awfully young when he was still free and out in the world, but I can imagine they have memories not all that unlike your own, just from a different perspective - I know the older one does. And the older one, well, he's grown up to be an addict as well. My boyfriend knows this is not his fault, but deep down I know he wonders if things would have been different for his baby brother had his big brother not been an addict, had his big brother not gone to prison. Anyway - I can relate to your pain on that level as well, because I know that pain is similar to what they have grown up with all their lives, now both young adults themselves.

But while I was initially reading your post, the persons' eyes I was really relating to your story through - well, they don't even know they have anything to relate to your story now, yet. Maybe never will. One of them is not even born yet - that would be the child he and I might have someday, maybe not, but we might, who knows. My hope is, of course, and this is true whether we get married or not, whether we ever have children or not - that he will be able to beat it and stay clean. He has stayed clean for long periods at a time. But he's also been an addict and an alcoholic since he was 11 or 12 years old - well over half his life, he's 36 now. I have every bit of faith in him that he can make it, stay clean and sober for the rest of his life. But still, realistically, there's always a chance that might not happen. Everyone who loves an alcoholic or an addict knows better than to be too sure of anything at all, because anything can happen.

So I read your story and I thought, well, there you go, Lys. 25 years down the road or so, that could easily be us, your parents, you could easily be our son or daughter with what you are going through right now. I mean, you know, hey, I hope not... especially since he will be pushing retirement age at that point and there is just something really messed up about being an actively using junkie in your 60's or 70's... but he wouldn't be the only one that's ever been. It's times like that I have to remind myself why I have the faith in him I do that he can make it. But I know your mom probably had that kind of faith in your father once too. It just doesn't always work out the way we'd like it to sometimes.

But that's not really who was on my mind the most when I was reading what you wrote. That one was a daughter who really does exist - she is his, not mine - but doesn't know he exists, or at least doesn't know who he is at this point. She is only a little younger than you, will be 19 next month. I'm sure she knows by now that she's adopted, but I doubt that she knows at this point that her father is a drug addict and an alcoholic, and is in prison for a murder that likely would never have happened had he not been a drug addict and alcoholic.

But I thought of her, and thought of how easily, had she grown up with her father, her story could now have been similar to your own. And I thought, well, thank god, you know, she grew up and missed all that, grew up without having to deal with all that. Of course, you know, who's to say she didn't grow up with a story like that anyway, or maybe even something worse. But probably not, and I expect that, when and if the day comes she does find her father, dealing with this whole addict/alcoholic/murder/prison thing isn't going to be easy. But in a lot of ways I am kind of thankful that she missed that and won't know until she is older, if ever, as well as the possible memories she could well have ended up with had she grown up with her father, memories probably a lot like your own.

But even though she missed all the bad... there's a lot of good she has missed as well, like what a wonderful, kind, caring, thoughtful person her father is, when he's clean and sober. I'm hoping that, when and if she does find us, all the good things there are in her father and all the positive things about him and that he's done will be able to outweigh the horror of what she will have to come to terms with regarding his addiction, his crime, all that. But, you know, there again is another catch-22. There's the very real chance that by the time she does come to know her father, if and when she ever does - he will be using again and she will only know him as an actively using addict. Which the thought of that just breaks my heart.

He and I don't talk about her much - losing her is probably the single most painful memory of all for him, and a lot of the drug use over the years since she was born have been ingested, injected, and whatnot to numb the pain of her loss. And an addict's not going to stay clean for anyone but himself, and they have to want to, and you can't expect them to stay clean for you or for anyone else. I as well as anyone know it's not fair to use myself or anyone else as a bargaining tool to try to get him to stay clean. But I've done it, even though it wasn't really fair, even though we don't speak of her hardly at all. Because I know she is always on his mind - she's on mine plenty and she's not even mine, I've never known her at all, so I know how much and how often he must think of her. So I've done the unfair thing, I've said it when things have been at their worst, when he's been actively using, or coming close to it, again. Only once or twice, but I've said it... that if and when his daughter finds him, he doesn't want her to find him like this. You don't want to not be clean when she comes around, if she comes around.

I don't know what the demons are that keep your dad using, Krissie... whatever they are, they're probably different than my guy's, but whatever they are they're just as powerful. In Al-Anon that's how they refer to alcoholism and addiction - they say the disease is cunning, baffling, and powerful.

But I do know that, at this point with your dad still using, some of those demons and part of that pain that he's using to try to make numb and try to make go away is likely the pain of not being able to stop for you and your brothers, and of y'all seeing him like that, messed up like that. But he can only help himself when he's ready, and when he wants to get help. It takes some longer than others to get to that point, and some never do. And some have to go a lot further downhill - hitting rock bottom - than you would think they should have to, to get to that point where they want out, want help, are ready to get help. My guy's bottomed out, you would think, a few dozen times at this point - you would think getting thrown in prison for murder would be the ultimate rock bottom, but it wasn't. His drug of choice is now heroin... and he'd never even used heroin before prison. :shrug:

We've had our ups and downs, but I know things can get better. They already have. Years ago, for years, there wasn't a day he wasn't drunk or high - now he goes years without a day of being drunk or high. He stumbles rarely, and when he has, instead of it dragging out into weeks long or months long binges - it happens once and then it doesn't happen again for months, years. I'm hoping eventually I'm going to be able to say it's been so long ago I don't even remember when the last time was, it's never happened again.

And, too, the last few times it has happened, he has said it's just not doing for him what it used to, not anymore. And saying things like how 25 years of drug addiction is getting old, being in and out of treatment for 20 years is getting old. Those things, they're a relief. I just read an article where someone's AA or NA sponsor told a worried parent that their child's latest binge wouldn't last long, because it wasn't any fun for him anymore. I think sometimes, first they have got to get to the point where they want help... but then they've also got to get to the point where, they've gotten help and they've tried, but now they've gotten so sick and tired of it and it's just gotten so old that finally that pushes them over that last little hump to where they are really and truly going to be okay and make it.

Your dad obviously hasn't gotten to any of those points yet. But there's nothing you or your mom or anyone else can do to get him there. He's got to want to get there himself.

You asked to begin with, how to help your dad. The one thing you can do - and the thing you've got to do if you are going to be any help at all to him when and if he finally does get to the point that he wants help - is take care of YOU. That has got to be your first priority. Believe me, I know what it feels like to be falling apart and having your whole world crashing down around you. I've been there so many times I can't count, but not anymore, at least not because of someone I love's drug addiction. Nowadays, if my man gets out of prison and he can't make it and he's using - sure it's going to hurt, but it can't wreck me and bring my world crashing down like it used to. I know what I have to do is take care of me first, and that's the only way I'll be able to be of any good to him, and we will somehow get through it all. But it won't be the end of the world, not like it used to be.

You need to get yourself to a Nar-Anon meeting, and if they don't have Nar-Anon in your area, then Al-Anon will do just fine. Your brothers and your mother too, if possible. It has been years since I have actively participated in either (although I still kind of have that same support - my future mother-in-law is a longtime hardcore Al-Anon participant), but those groups have given me the tools I needed to be able to deal with his addiction, whereas before I was just pretty much flailing around miserable and depressed all the time with the world crashing down around me. If I had had those tools and that knowledge years ago I might have been able to avoid what turned out to be a years-long nightmare with my ex and his addiction. By the time my guy and I became a couple, whenever he was falling apart with his addiction, I didn't have to fall apart and go to pieces too. And you don't have to either.

Someone gave you the link to the national Al-Anon site above but here's the link to the national Nar-Anon site as well:

http://www.na.org/

If you still need help finding a meeting in your area after you check those out, PM me. There are also some resources and even meetings held online I can point you to.

That is the ONLY thing you, and the rest of your family, can do for him right now, hon, is take care of yourselves, and get a grip on some tools that will help you learn to deal with all this stuff without falling apart - Al-Anon and Nar-Anon either one will give you the tools, or at least get you started down that road. And when and if he does want help and want out of the nightmare he's created for himself with his addiction, you will be better able to help him. And if he doesn't ever want out, you don't have to fall apart while he is falling apart and going downhill.

I haven't talked about this stuff in a long time, which is probably why it's all been so intense and I'm so wordy tonight. But the reason I haven't talked about it in a while is, well, addiction - his addiction - is a part of our life and always will be... but it's not this active, big deal part of my life anymore, and even if he was using now, I would still be alright. And you can be too. We do a lot of Al-Anon/Nar-Anon type talking and sharing here on PTO, but when it's all new, it would be best if you go to some real Al-Anon/Nar-Anon meetings and soak up some of what they have to offer. I promise you if nothing else, you won't leave there without feeling at least a little bit of hope.

The one thing that has probably stuck with me most all along, and you will hear about it possibly the first time you attend a meeting, are the three C's - you didn't Cause it; you can't Control it; and you can't Cure it. Those are the things that you just have to remember and remind yourself of over and over again if you have to. Heck, sometimes even now I stop and remind myself of one of those C's - the Control one - when my addict is frustrating me about something that has absolutely nothing at all to do with his addiction. Well, usually it does still have something to do with because even though they may not be actively using, their personality is still often addict behavior, and those of us that love them always want to fix things, fix them, make things better.... control the situation. And we can't, and you just have to learn to let go and let whatever happens happens. This is true when they are using, and truer still when they're not. Al-Anon, Nar-Anon - also Adult Children of Alcoholics, another group in the Al-Anon family - will teach you how to deal with that, and much, much more.

And everything I have suggested to you, I will be suggesting to my guy's daughter, if and when she finds him. Even if he's not using. I suspect that, no matter what his condition is at the time, good or bad, she's still going to have some difficulty dealing with the whole thing - addiction, alcoholism, murder, prison, that's an awful lot to get hit with at once. If nothing else, it will help her understand who her father is and was, and why he is the way he is and was, and how all that has happened to him could happen. And most importantly - even though a lot of the pain that drives his addiction has to do with her loss - why she is not the cause of his addiction, and why she can do nothing to help his addiction but take care of herself.

I know it will help her understand those things, and much much more, because it did me. And it will you too. Get to a meeting this week if you can, Nar-Anon, Al-Anon, or Adult Children either one. I promise there is at least a little hope there.

And of course we're here too. Any questions, any comments, or if you just need to talk some more, you can here, or PM probably any of us in this thread.

Hang in there. 'cos you know what, as long as he's alive - there's always hope.

Wow, I never expected replies like this! I am so greatful to be a part of PTO and to have the support of each of you! Reading these post's have not only inspired me to join the Nar-anon and Al-anon meetings, but also have brightened my day a little, and you all have given me HOPE! Words can't express how much I REALLY do appreciate all of you taking the time out of your day to read my post, and to, in some way, make an effort to help a girl you don't even know! You all are so AMAZING! Thank you, thank you, thank you!! =-)

This crushed my heart to read this and I am so sorry you are going through this suffering. I too went through this and as a child you feel like you have no control. You love the person, but hate the person's behavior. Good for you contacting Alanon - that was the hardest step and you accomplished it!

Hi sweetie,

I don't have much to add you have been given some awesome advice. There is a online support group that I just love. They have support for an array of things from addiction on down to friends and family of addicts. Here's a link for it, Please check it out, it might be for you and it might not.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/

Reading these post's have not only inspired me to join the Nar-anon and Al-anon meetings, but also have brightened my day a little, and you all have given me HOPE!

You're going to hear a lot of something else at those meetings besides the Three C's and many other things - that is the concept of Experience, Hope & Strength - we try to share and offer a lot of that here too, but I guarantee you at those meetings there is a lot of all three to be found and had. :yes:

Keep us posted how things are going and we are certainly here to listen more, answer any questions you may have and anything else you may need. **{hug}}

((Hugs)) Thank you so much. =-)

I am going through the exact situation, but with my sister. If you want to PM me we can talk about it.

All I can say is WOW....in reading your story I seen one of my own flash through my eyes. My father died from alcoholism back in 2003. He and my mom divorced when I was 8 years old. I hated my mom for that. I was too young to understand. I listened to him weep day after day. I listened to him talk about how sad he was and how alone he felt. I blamed it all on my mom for leaving him. Lonely and sad he was without a doubt! Unfortunately, alcohol was not the answer and he was unwilling to quit.

Within his lifetime he received 2 DUI's and than a third one in 2001. He lost his job at GTE of 25 years. One of the greatest parts of a man's identity is his job, and losing that job really took a toll on him. He began drinking everyday. He was diagnosed with terminal cancer in Feb. 2003 and died on March 10, 2003. Multiple tumors were found in his liver and had spread through his entire body.

It's truly a sad thing to watch someone killing themselves everyday. And it's painful to know that there is nothing we can do or say to make them stop. Obviously there is way much more to this story, but these little tid bits give me a whole new insight into the disease of alcoholism. And as much as I loved him I cut ties off within one year of this diagnosis, because I coudn't deal with what he was doing to himself anymore.

It affects everyone involved! From the time I was 8 years old all the way up until his last year I did everything I could and finally came to the conclusion that I was wearing myself out more than I was helping him. I finally gave up!!! It was the hardest thing I ever did....I walked out of his life on Halloween 2002 and when I found out that he was sick in Feb. I spent everyday by his side.

When I tried to apologize for walking out on him he stopped me and said "Don't apologize. We don't even need to talk about it. I know." With tears in his eyes I knew that we had come to an understanding. For a long time I felt so guilty for not sticking with him through that last year, but when we came together again, we built the strongest connection we have ever had in that whole time period I tried to "take care of him".