[COLOR=indigo] Hi all. I have been wanting to do this for awhile but bben afraid of being judge. Anyhow where to start, well first off I am a survivor of sexual abuse, rape and spousal abuse. Because of all this prior abuse lets just say I haven't trusted men! I ahve been a practicing addict and alcoholic for most of my adult and teenage years. I am now coming up on 1 year of soberiety. I have had to let alot of my past go which hasn't been easy. Anyhow to make a long story short so to speak. A year ago I met a really nice man over the internet and we started talking over the phone and we fell in love. Much to my surprise I came to learn that he was currnetly on probation for molesting a 14 year old girl by touching her breast while asleep. It was not his first conviction. This last conviction was only a misdemeanor only cuz there was not enough proof that he actually did it due to underlying issues with the girl. That said I am not trying to make it sound any less right either. The first conviction was in 1988 and it involved two children who were living with him and his then girlfriend. HE told her and well the rest is history, he did 18 months and 6 years of probation.
Needless to say when I found out I wanted to run away but my heart said no.
He has never treated me wrongly nor been mean to me just the opposite he has helped me tremendously. I now feel like I am a whole person again. I also came to realize that what I had done to my brother and his friend as a child was what he had done as an adult and that if I hadn't turned into an addict and alcoholic I could have done the same as an adult. Do I condone what he did NO. But do I love the man YES. we are planning to get married. I can not have children due to my first husband and cuz of that I always felt like I was half a woman cuz I couldn't give any man a child and there for felt unworthy. Kris has changed all of that and for that I am very thankful. I am open to answer anyones questions or if there is anyone dealing with issues like I ahve please fell free to email me at rsantmyer@yahoo.com
Thank you for letting me share. May God Bless all of you.

Hi tigger,

Pull up a chair any time and join in! Your past history and how you handle it, just might give someone some insite in dealing with there's or someone else they know??

Sound like you two have found each other at the right time in life.

hey Tigger, want some coffee? tea? cake? :) thanks for sharing your story. It's ok to tell it here,because we don't judge anyone.
And I agree with BRay, sounds like you and Kris found each other at the perfect time. Sorry to hear about your past, but it's good t hear that you're doing better now.

Tigger....
Welcome to PTO!! And congratulations on your upcoming 1 year sobriety date!! :) I know that you have found a safe place to be able to share everything... even those nasty skeletons from the past... we all have em... :)
Glad to have you here!!

Tigger, Welcome to PTO. Do not worry about being judged here. We are here to help each other. Hope to hear more from you.

Thank you all for being so supportive. I wasn't to sure how any one would feel. Specially since what his crime is, and how society judges them so harshly. I guess I can also tell ya all my real name it is Robbie. That is how comfortable I feel here.

Another welcome and another congrats on your 1 year of sobriety!
Michelle

Welcome. Congratulations on your sobriety. I, too, am in recovery - you are not alone.

I look forward to seeing you here.

Welcome to the PTO family Tigger. :)
David

Tigger:

congrats on the upcoming 1 year of sobriety. the fellowship and support i found in recovery groups allowed me to heal from many things with no one "in charge" so my trust issues weren't lambasted... i'm *really* glad you are here.. we have a lot in common.

care;

eva

Robbie-So glad you found out us-you just walked into one of the most supportive group of people you will ever find-thanks for sharing your story with us-congratulations on your year anniversary in recovery and on finding someone who makes you feel happy-Love is a wonderful thing-you'll find it here too

take care

sherri

Welcome and I would like to say congrats to you upcoming 1 yr birthday..

thank you shortie and Sherrie. It hasn't been easy for me especially since I have lost alot of my close friends and I have really been afraid to talk to anyone about what is going. It really helps to have a safe non judgemental place to come to.

Robbie-you are most welcome!! we are all here for each other and as far as I am concerned all in this together--Sometimes I think we build up walls because we are tired of the reactions of so-called "friends" and posssibly family-we get a little hardened and introverted and feel really alone inside--although we look really together on the exterior-I know I have felt this way- PTO helps us break down those walls and know that it is okay to feel again, to laugh, to cry, to share, to love who we want when we want. The support here has been invaluable to me. So glad you are here.

Sherri

I am always last these days!! Welcome from me too!! ANd congratulations onyour 1 year!! Just know we are hear to help not judge(like everybody said) You and Kris are in my prayers!

Once again you guys have made laugh and cry, not from sdaness but tears of joy that I have finally found a place that I can be me. And not just the me I show people on the outside the me that is wacky and zany at times as you all possibly got to see on tuesday night in the live chat room. Amelia I pray everything went ok with court. WE just found out that we don't have to go back to court on the 30th only cuz there has been agreement made on the so called modification of his probation. The DA down here basically isn't going tonget what they want, and that is ultimately to get him out this house. He ain't going anywhere and they will just have to accept that. We took some very damaging pictures from our house to where thie school is which you can't even see from my house so they were lying about how easily the school could be seen from my house. AS I have been saying for awhile now THE SAGA coontinues. God Bless all of you.

Well I am glad to hear things are going a little better for you guys!! Gonna keep praying for ya!!

Tigger, welcome aboard. Congrats on your 1 yr sobriety.

Gllad that you were able to get the business with the school straightened out. You keep fighting!!!

Tracy

The school business still isn't straightned out, unfortunately the judge in this case is going to have suffer alittle more and probably will ahve to make up his own decision. The problem is taht the DA wanted to make sure that we would copperate on good faith and we did not. They came back at us with a 1500 feet stay away order from all schools, daycares, and parks including amusement parks(no disneyland for us) along with no delaying or lingering in places where children might congregate. I live in a very urban area of southern california there are parks and everything just about every where you go. We live 1,056 feet from what they call a city run daycare which is no longer so,and 1,350 feet from the elementary school which is 1/4 milke away. The police here just don't want him here. They feel he is threat to the safety of the children, which is BS cuz we find out that there are 46 serious sex offneders living in this fine city that no ones knows about. The police say that their crimes are not on the same level as Kris's, and that they don't have to tell the community about them cuz they are not considered high risk. We feel that this is complete BS cuz they are the ones to really watch out for cuz no one knows who theya re and if they decide to re-offend Kris will get blamed for it cuz he is considered high risk. We really wish that we could move but unfortunately we can't we both right now have no means of income.

Congrats on 1 year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Dealing with my husband, I know how special that day is. Continued success!!!!!!!!!
God Bless!!!!!!!!

CONGRATS on 1 year, may this be the first of MANY!!!!
Kali

thank you all for the congrats. This turning a year old is very special to me. Just as talking in these rooms are special to me. I consider you all my little gifts from God. Also my little miracles. God Bless You All!!!

Tigger... thanks for keeping us updated... I will be thinking of you as you continue to fight!! Hang in there!

thank you jdswifey we could use all the paryers we can get. Thier whole basis for modifyin his probation is to get out my house, and the PD have so much as stated so in the papers. Tomorrow is another court hearing and I wish we could go but his attorney says there is no need for us to. Besides that we don't have the money anyhow. Well I will post more tomorrow and all of you know how court went. Take and really big hugs to all.

TIGGER:

HERE IS A LATE WELCOME FROM ME TO YOU. SO VERY GLAD YOU FOUND THIS SITE...... ALL OF US HERE ARE REALLY LIKE FAMILY BECAUSE WE HAVE SO MUCH IN COMMON..... THESE GIRLS AND GUYS DO UNDERSTAND HOW YOU FEEL... WE ALL HAVE OUR GOOD AND BAD DAYS AND FEEL UNWORTHY SO MUCH OF THE TIME. ONE THING FOR SURE, THIS SITE WILL HELP YOU REALIZE JUST HOW IMPORTANT YOU REALLY ARE TO THE WORLD.

MY LOVE TO YOU
DONNA

Thank you Donna. I am really beginning to believe that I am not alone and that I am worthy. It is this site and all of you that keep me going. I have had one negative reply by private message, this woman told me that I ahve an addictive personality (DUH) hence why I am an addict, and that needed to be with someone else before something terrible happens. It really hurt to read that.
I am still trying to deal with all the BS that is going on in my life and I finally felt that I had a safe place to talk but I am finding out that there are hypocrits everywhere. I ma not saying that any of you that I reply with all the time are, it is just the one that has private messaged me. Who ever it was I think they really need to look at there own life before they judge mine, or maybe they should walk a mile in my moccassins before they judge me. Sorry to vent all of this on you guys, I just really feel like you all are part of my family.

>>>addictive personality (DUH)<<<

That's an area that I don't have the foggest idea about.

The person that PM you might.......I said "might" have been trying to just get a point across to concider/evaluate??

In the past, when I wanted to offer help online, I got SLAMMED-BLASTED so much that it got my attention to the point of evaulating "HOW" I was doing it. It took some work on my part to see how "I" was being recieved from the way I was sending............cold facts man, cold facts is all that's needed. Times have changed :-)

TIGGER,
I WOULD LIKE TO APPOLIGIZE FOR WHOM EVER FELT THE NEED TO SEND YOU A NEGATIVE PM. I AM TRULY HOPING THAT THE JUST EXPRESSED THEMSELVES WRONG AND DID NOT MEAN TO HURT YOU. PTO IS NOT MEANT FOR NEGATIVITY RATHER OPENESS AND ACCEPTANCE REGARDLESS OF CIRCUMSTANCES. AS YOU STATED YES YOU HAVE AN ADDICTIVE PERSONALITY, OTHERWISE YOU WOULD NOT BE A RECOVERING ADDICT. HOWEVER, WHO ARE ANY OF US TO PASS JUDGEMENT, I', SURE THAT MANY PEOPLE HAVE LOTS TO SAY ABOUT ALL OF US STANDING BY OUR LOVED ONE, INCLUDING THE INDIVIDUAL WHO SENT YOU THAT PM.
DON'T LET THAT DISCOURAGE YOUR THOUGHTS OF PTO AND KNOW WE ARE ALWAYS HERE FOR YOU.
YOU CAN ALSO REPORT MESSAGES TO MODERATORS AND TO ADMINISTRATION (FED-X) IF YOU FEEL IT IS INAPPROPRIATE.
HUGS,
MICHELLE

Hi Tigger
I commend you on your transformation!
Keep going on track!
Veronica

TIGGER-I TOO AM SORRY YOU RECEIVED A NEGATIVE PM--PLEASE DON'T LET ONE PERSON'S INSENSITIVITY CAUSE YOU GRIEF-THIS IS A GREAT GROUP HERE, AND AS B. SAID. WE ARE HERE FOR MUTUAL SUPPORT AND ENCOURAGEMENT, NOT TO PASS JUDGEMENT ON ANYONE. WE CARE ABOUT YOU HERE SO PLEASE KEEP COMING BACK!!
SHERRI

I did finally get to correspond with the person that sent me that. She explained her concern and that was becuase I had been in bad relationships in the past and that due to my molestaion as a child she was afraid that I might not be seeing everything from out side source. Everything is better and I do here what you are saying BRay.

good to hear your doing better! :)

Tigger sorry this is late but welcome to pto family.

God bless you, and good luck