Well, I finally got to visit my pp for the first time out at EYMAN. We've been corresponding for a while but had never met. It was quite an interesting experience. I made sure I followed the advice I got on here about what to wear, etc. So that made it easier. The C.O.'s were surprisingly nice. 2 hours went by fast! He's very easy to talk to and I enjoyed seeing him, but I am a little worried about his attachment to me. Thought I would post some of the things he said/did and see what others think might be going on. (Sometimes I over analyze little things). During the course of our conversation, I mentioned that sometimes when I'm out late at night it's a little scary coming home to an empty house, and he questioned me rather pointedly as to why I'm out late at night. Then, I mentioned maybe moving, and he was very concerned as to where. He also wanted to know if I was dating. There had also been a delay in getting mail from me by about 10 days and he made a point of letting me know he was very worried. Thought I was mad at him. He made a lot of intense eye contact too during the visit, and at times it was uncomfortable. Also, I had a birthday recently and he sent me 4 cards. We established from the beginning that we would just be friends, but somehow I get the feeling it goes beyond that for him. That isn't to say that if he were free it might be different for me, because I really do like him, but he's doing life and I don't want to get involved in that way. Am I overreacting here?

Congrats on your first visit. I don't think your over reacting, you just need to make sure that you both see eye to eye on where this relationship is headed.

NOOOOOOOOOO, you are NOT overreacting.
I used to write my ex's brother in prison, and I was the only one who wrote him, and he was very posessive towards me and I quit writing because of the comments he would make, then I finally told him the truth and he stopped. I even went to go see him once, and he did alot of the eye contact which made me want to crawl under the chair and sneak out, but I told him how I felt and how he was making me feel and he stopped. He and I have talked on phone since and he told me, that when you get mail from just a few people, you start becoming possessive because you have no control over the writers, and you are afraid that they will find someone else to spend their time with instead of them. They feel helpless and grab ahold of any kind of outside attention whether it be visits or mail. I think maybe he is not doing it on purpose but he's reaching for something that he can't have.
I don't know the whole story, just going on what I have been through.
Just make it clear to him again how you feel about him, and tell him that if continues to make you feel uncomfortable that you will stop writing and visiting.

Good luck

Pauline

does he have a lot of other pals? as it sounds as though he does value your friendship and that is scarce inside the walls sooo he will be protective of it,, he asks about dating I am sure for a few reasons.. 1 that is something we often ask friends but 2 what if you get involved with someone and they dont want you to write anymore ? then he will be left out in the cold ...
he does sound like he cares deeply and remember if you are his only life line to the real world he will be afraid to lose that ... continue to be honest and remind him of the friendship only that oyu share and tell him you value that and would not stop writing if you date... as he pointedout he worries you are mad if the letters take too long.. he cares but it can be controlled with honesty
I am glad you enjoyed your visit
remember he is smu sooo getting out of that cell is an intense situation and he would study all aspects carfully to remember them

You know, I'm not sure if he has other pals or not. We've never discussed it. I think you are right that he probably is possessive because he may not have many friends who write or visit. I guess it was just the combination of everything that worried me a little. I will be sure to be honest when I write him again to make sure we're on the same page. I would like to visit him again, but not if he thinks we're a "couple". Hopefully once we talk about it things will be fine. I know he says he's tried to call me several times but never gets through. (My cell phone takes collect calls, but he says he always gets a recording). It would be nice to talk about it on the phone and not in letters, but I guess I'll have to. Thanks a lot to everyone who took the time to give me some feedback. I appreciate it!

It's kind of early on to tell, but I would remain a little cautious until you get to know him better and learn where his mind is at. Sometimes we get those little red flags and we need to listen to them. They are there for a reason. Sometimes these guys get very possessive because we are all they have, and we need to make sure it doesn't get out of hand. Your post creeped me out a little bit with the intense staring. That would have made me uncomfortable too. Then again, could be he is just lacking in "social skills" - it's not like he has any role models in there! :-) Keep us posted.

I am glad you went on your visit. I hope things will come to you in time and I know you can never have to many friends. Good Luck
Truly Patty

Well, got a letter from my pp yesterday wherein he discussed our visit. Everything seems the same, no declarations of "love" so that's a relief! Seems he was cognizant of the staring and apologized for it. Said he was just trying to memorize what I look like. Seems that he questioned me about certain things because he worries since I live alone. So....guess I did press the ol' panic button a tad. :D I'm glad I went to see him, and now that I know he doesn't consider us to be a "couple" I feel comfortable going back to see him again. He has a tendency to panic when he doesn't hear from me and does seem a bit obsessed at times, but I guess it just goes with his living situation right now. I think I need to be more understanding of that, and not spend so much time worrying about hidden meanings in things. I really appreciate all the good feedback you guys gave me. I also really love this forum. I think it's awesome. Thanks again to all of you for listening!!

That is great... I am glad that you have found relief for your worries and it is great that you are looking forward to more visits... it is hard to remember that prison changes people and what we take for granted they can cherish. such as a visit with a friend..
I am really pleased for you