I've been married once before, and it ended in a heart-wrenching divorce in 1999. Since that day, I've always said that I'd never get married again, that it just wasn't worth it.

Well, over a year ago Dale came into my life. I love him more than I ever thought possible. My views have changed... from I'll never get married again, to if I 'ever' do get married again, it would be to Dale!

Thing is, Dale and I fell in love through letters and phone calls, and that's it. I haven't even had a visit YET! I guess I've just gotten my curiosity up, and was wondering if anyone here has married their 'love' before even meeting them face to face?

Jodygirl

Yes I did and I am sure there are many more that have....

Beck

Ummm... I HOPE TO!

Jody, a few years ago, I would have thought this was the craziest thing anyone could ever do.

BUT! (One's wisdom grows.)

I have a lot of elderly patients at work, who tell me their beautiful love stories, of how this soldier in a trench on the killing fields of Europe got a letter from a girl they never knew, and it brought them HOPE in the midst of hell. After the war, they married, and are STILL married.

When you begin a relationship by WRITING, you are not faced with "the sex question", as you are when you are dating. After the 3rd or 4th date, up comes the question of whether or not to "take the relationship to the next level".

When you are writing, especially if it starts out as a friendship, you have time and opportunity to explore each other's souls, philosophies, minds etc. All things that are much more condusive to a long-term FRIENDSHIP!

Take it from an old aldy, my dear Jodygirl. You should ONLY ever marry your BEST FRIEND, not the hottest guy!

All My Love,
Menolly

(Oh, my God! I'm giving old-matchmaking-granny advice. Mr. Connor! What have you done to me!!!)

YES is the answer to your question. I ewas married yesterday! I was married once back in 87 and divorced in 90. I met Emilio through a penpal site here on the internet back in Sept. In Nov. we met for the first time. Yesterday we got married...:)
good luck to you whatever you decide to you.
Patty

EEK, Patti!

Congratulations! You should have told us, so we could have made a fuss of joy, about it!

All Our Love,
Menolly and Ken

I would like to know as well. I mean, I WAS in that same baot, never even got to see or here kenneth's voice, i was alwasy wonderding if others were in that same boat that fell in love with them like that. i would like to hear your input

Congrats to you, Patty!!! I am sooo very happy for you!!!!

And thank you all for your input.... Menolly, what you said about the soldiers, and hope.. it really touched me!

Jodygirl

Oh Jody, You should meet these people! They are such an inspiration to me.

I have one Canadian patient, now 90 years old, dying of cancer. He was wounded in 1944, and in a hospital in South Africa. Got a generic letter from a girl in Australia, addressed to "Dear Wounded Soldier". He wrote her back. She actually visited him in hospital, where he was for almost a year. Then she went back to Australia. He came back to Canada. And they MISSED each other keenly! SO keenly, he tracked her down through the Red Cross. They met in Italy, married, returned to Canada, and now 59 YEARS LATER, are still madly in love!

I KNOW these two people, and I LOVE them. They told me, to go ahead and love Ken, despite never having met him face to face!

I also know OTHER such old soldiers, and their astounding love stories.

People such as these sure make me wish we would listen to our elders more often, instead of warehousing them in nursing homes, and forgetting they exist!

My elderly patients add to my wisdom ALL THE TIME!

All My Love,
Menolly

CONGRATS PATTI AND JODY GIRL,ME AND TERRANCE HAVE YET TO HAVE A VISIT ITS JUST BEEN LETTERS,BUT WE ARE TALKING ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

Menolly, amen on the old folks home. Our current views of life belonging to the young has led us to almost chaos. We need to learn how to respect and value age and the wisdom that comes with it.

Oh Kris... no congrats YET! lol....

We're talking about it... hmmm....
(I'll have to post something about what happens come Monday...) That's when I'll talk to Dale! :)

Jodygirl

OH Jodygirl! I'm so glad you asked that question! I've been wondering the same thing-and wondering if I'm just crazy! lol
I'm really new here and came tonight looking for the answer to that very question-just not knowing how to ask it! jSo thank you very much and I hope you and Dale are deliriously ( or however you spell it!) happy with each other!

Monica

naw we met while he was in the county and plan to get married within the next few months

Jody,

You know... I already consider myself 'married' to my Partner. We met as pen pals and grew such an incredible friendship like I had never had before. Our love grew out of the friendship and I would not trade that love or friendship for anything. On the outside we make our judgments and base a lot of our 'romantic' feelings on pure physical attraction. This never entered the picture for us. To be honest, I would have walked right past my Partner in the outside world and never given him a second look! Not that he is not attractive but but based on pure physical attraction, I just would not have pursued - not my 'type' kind of reaction. Now, he is the most beautiful person to me in every way, but it started with a bond of friendship where the 'looks' did not matter.

As Menolly said - marry your best friend not the hottest guy!

To me now... My Partner is my best friend, my confident, my spiritual guide, and the hottest guy! He is my world.

What I also know is that I will not lose no matter what happens... If for some reason, the two of us don't make it 'romantically' in the future - we will always be friends. I KNOW that this man will always be in my life and important to my life because of the strength of bond that we have. So I cannot lose...

Regardless of whether we will ever be able to legally construct a 'union' between us, we are 'married' already in our hearts and that is all that counts.

Oh Teb.. that was just beautiful!

Hehehe Monica.. I'm glad my own curiosity helped you out too! :)

Jodygirl

JODY GIRL,NO CONGRATS FOR ME YET.I THINK IN HIS OWN LITTLE WAY HE HAS PROPOSED,BUT HES GOT THAT "THUG MENTALITY " SOMETIMES.I LOVE HIM THOUGH,HES MY BOO!!

I have one close to the one Menolly said... "Don't marry the one you can live with... Marry the one you can't live without!"

Beck

This is my same dream!! I met my man Shay almost 3 years ago through the mail. his adress was handed 2 me in the street by a stranger. We have never spoken on the phone nor have we ever met in person yet through our letters we have become so close 2 eachother. much closer than anyone ever before. I wouldnt change it for the world. I love my man till the day I die. Shay asked me to marry him round 6months ago and i accepted with no hesitation and in April i will be flying to the USA to visit him for the first time ever in person. Its scary but I just want to be able to hold him in my arms. A dream come true. We will be getting married once we work out what we have to do for an international marriage. I cant wait . My dream will soon be a reality.

Congrats Rowie!

Oh Rowie.... Congrats to you (and Shay)!
I love to hear happy stories of love and conquer! Wonderful news, and I bet you're over excited about your first visit coming up! :)

Jodygirl

CONGRATS TO ROWIE AND SHAY!!!!!!

Yes, I married my penpal. We were married by proxy in the Polk County Courthouse Feb 7, 2003. We wrote for a year, I visited several times (non contact). Now that we are married, we will be allowed contact visits and I can't wait:) We are both waiting anxiously for this year to pass as he has a mandatory release date next March. We will spend the rest of our lives together. Did I ever expect this to happen? No, but I thank God for the fact that it has.

Hi Jodygirl, Two of my friends have married their penpals and a third is marrying her fiance on DR in TX in May; love has no barriers. Karin

I AGREE KARIN LOVE HAS NO BOUNDARIES...MY BOO IS ON D-ROW BUT WITH PRAYER HE WILL BE RELEASED IN THE NEXT YEAR OR SO

Rowie, that is wonderful. :)

wonderful news! i wish you two all the best, and much happiness!

emme

Hi Chris, I wish you and Tariq the best and yes he sure is cute. Karin

Hi Rowie, My best to you and Shay and may your trip to the US be filled with hapinessl have you been here {US} before,Karin

Jody, I can't believe I missed this before!!!

The Dragon and I started as penpals...he had gotten my address from my ex...long story there.

ANYWAY, we fell in love thru letters and phone calls. He had lost his visits (another long story) so I couldn't go see him. I think we got to know each other better that way. In fact, we didn't even have photos of each other before we confessed our love to each other!!!!!

We had a year to get to know each other, then he got his visits back. And honestly, even though we talked of marriage and spending the rest of our lives together, we were still reserved until we met.

The day I walked into that visiting room, I knew I was doing the right thing. It was like we had known each other forever. BUT, we still waited 10 more months before we tied the knot!! And now....its getting close to 3 years of marriage and I'm happier than ever!!!

Take your time.....if its RIGHT, it will happen!!

Mrs. D

Concratulation to both of you!!!
I will also marry my pen pal and yes it really is possible to fall in love with a heart - even with out meeting him first! It happen for me too. We have been writing for years and now we both feel that we cant live without eachother.... Its actually sooo simple as that - but hard to explain to others LOL
I wish both of you all the happiness you can think off

mrsD... I didn't know you and the Dragon started as pen pals....
Wow, the two of you are like inspiration to me!!! :)
Thanks for sharing this with me.. umm... everyone! :)

Kristin... looks like there's alot of us in the same boat, huh?

Yup we did and boy could I tell you the stories!!!!! Do you know that he's not my FIRST prison relationship??? The first one was a very bad experience for me. I haven't seen him since the day he got out of prison. He hurt me, but even more so...he made promises to my daughter that he never kept.

Since I had absolutely NO trust for anyone in prison after what the prisoner from hell did to me, the fact that I fell in love and married my Dragon is only short of a miracle.

WHen my Dragon sent me that first letter, I answered in total anger. I ranted and raved at him and damned him just because of what someone else did to me. But after I drove up to the post office and mailed that horrid letter, I came home and cried for hours and hours and hours. Then I realized how much better I felt. For the first tiime in MONTHS I wasn't in pain. I had just released it all in that letter. So I quickly followed up with an apology and a thank you for helping me release the pain and anger. And it took off from there!!!

To me it shows just what a good man he is and I'm a damn lucky woman to have him!!! He is EVERYTHING that I need to be happy.

Mrs. D

Hi, I just stumbled on this site by accident and I am real glad I did. I was reading some of the posts and this one caught my eye. I haven't "married" my pen pal YET but we do plan on it. I haven't seen him or heard his voice. I am living in Australia and he is in Missouri. I do plan on seeing him this year but it is all real weird. I have also been married but not once twice. So I guess it does happen. I met a lady through him that will be getting married in two weeks to her boyfriend who she met while he has been in prison for the last 20 some odd years and she just sounds so happy.:) I am very happy I met him and am real excited about meeting him real soon.

Hello D Houston. Congrad. :)

Welcome to PTO DHouston... and wishing you a wonderful visit with your honey when you come to see him~

Beck

I said yes to Sonny's marriage proposal before I had ever met him! I hadn't seen a picture of him either! I fell in love with his insides not his outsides! We got married Jan 25, 03!! I am happy and so is he!!

Thanks you guys. I am really excited about meeting him. I am just a little mad at the phone system that they are running in there I haven't been able to talk to him yet. I am trying though. I have seen pictures of him but I fell for him as a person. It does help that he is very attractive though. :D

Hi D.Houston...... Gee, which should I say first? Welcome or congratulations? :)

I'm very happy that you've found the love of your life... and I'm thrilled that you've joined PTO!!

Jodygirl

Dang, Enjay! Learn something new every day... I didn't know you had never even seen a picture of Sonny before you said yes. And what a cutie he is! Dang, woman, you lucked out bigtime... :D

Me and PAul got married Jan. 02.2003! Before our first visit(May 2001) we knew we want to get married. So we filled out the paperwork. It took us 1 year until we was approved, because they lost our papers several times. Today I am lucky that this gave us 1 1/2 more years grow closer together.

Thanks jodygirl,
I am very happy that I have found that "someone" special but it is also VERY frusterating at the same time as I am not able too see or talk to him. I am still trying to figure out a round about way to get to talk to him but so far no luck. I send mail out daily and I get two a letters a week which I look forward to. This week has been a disappointment though as I haven't heard anything. I am looking foward to going and seeing him at the end of this year but I can hardly wait. Thanks again

awwww, you guys, that is just wonderful news to all of you. I am truly happy for you

You ladies and gentleman are such an inspiration to me. Making a long story short, I met my James 5 years ago, he was dating my friend. When she and I went to his graduation, our eyes met, and I knew right then and there that I loved this man, and I would stop at nothing to have him. The bad part of it was I was writing his friend, and he was writing mine... almost a year later, he tracked me down, My friend and he had split, and she and I had not had contact with each other for almost a year. He wrote me a letter to my parents house... Every since then He and I have had our ups and downs... Mostly on my part. I was scared, scared of being alone, and of loving him. I have fallen in love with someone in prision, and when he was released, he walked all over me, took everything I owned that ment anything to me and walked away. So I was hurt, scared, and alone. I too took it out on James for what this guy did to me. He just got transfered closer to the house, and I have not been able to tear myself away from him. I finally realized that this is the man that I am ment to spend the rest of my life with. He loves me, and I love him more than life itself. I have started the process of being married by Proxy. Looks like there will be a June wedding for me.

I cant tell you how much finding this board has ment to me. I will always listen to those who need a sholder, and I have an extra bedroom for anyone who's man is close to my house, my door will always be open. Thank you so much for the inspiration. You have helped me realize that the impossible is infact here face to face with me. and I need to sieze this moment, with the love of my life, my best friend, and my soal mate. :D

Smile Jodygirl...same here , just write my Eddie soon one year, and we also falled in love and talking to married if he get out ! I never get the chance before to see him, because they havn´t approved me to visit him :-( ! But I live in Germany, he in the USA ... so what we can do if we want to be together ???? Hmm... we have to married.... don´t aks me, if that good or not...my brain are sometimes really hot...haha...
but I love him with every beat of my heart..so I will do it...

What is marrage by proxy and how do you do it? Does any prison allow this?

I'm marrying my penpal of 5 years. On April 26th. He's 20 years younger then me..Its all good and has been since the day we met face to face.

Congratulations!! I wish you all the best. You must be so excited. I know someone who is getting married on the 14th of April and she is so excited. She lives real close by to him so I think that really helps. She gets to visit lots

Dear Bbonnie:

Congratulations. Love is out there as long as we're open to it. Best of luck.

hey jody i been in a similiar situation was married at 16 seperated a year later ,never to remarry again that was till i met kevin my prisonpenpal,if you told me a year ago this would be happening i would have said yah right we fell deeply in love through letters and phone calls and are planning a wedding very soon hopefully in the next few weeks,we will probably be married before our first visit i say go for it only you know if its right for you girl
sunny

Hi All,

Jody,
After a year and 7 mos of letters we call "dates" and phone calls, we will finally meet face to face this month. We plan to marry soon.

Good luck to you.

just wanted to update yall,for those of you who dont know me and kevin were married by proxy on may 3 2007 i am soooo excited being married to him is the best thing thats ever happened to me my friends have all been very supportive and its been really nice so go for it !!

I have a fairly new relationship with my penpal, we have only been writing for about 6 months but we have formed a very strong relationship, and although he has mentioned marriage already, im not ready for that at all. Although he is extremely important to me, I know he has been down since 2001 and still has 6 years to go, he hasnt had much contact from family and friends and has never had a penpal so I think that makes my letters so much more special to him. Im worried that if I ever did decide to accept, when he gets out, there is all that time to make up for, and im not the center of his world anymore..he doesnt have much of a choice in who writes him! I would want him to have the opportunity to meet other women and experience free life for a bit before committing to me, I hope that makes sense? So we made a pact, 2 years after his release, if we still feel the same way about each other, we will get married.

And I have no doubts that it will happen.

So, maybe for people who are more hesitant about prison marriages, this could be another option that makes both people happy. And just to clarify, I dont think there is anything wrong with having a prison marriage AT ALL! I think im just a fatalist to a fault, hahaha.

I have a fairly new relationship with my penpal, we have only been writing for about 6 months but we have formed a very strong relationship, and although he has mentioned marriage already, im not ready for that at all. Although he is extremely important to me, I know he has been down since 2001 and still has 6 years to go, he hasnt had much contact from family and friends and has never had a penpal so I think that makes my letters so much more special to him. Im worried that if I ever did decide to accept, when he gets out, there is all that time to make up for, and im not the center of his world anymore..he doesnt have much of a choice in who writes him! I would want him to have the opportunity to meet other women and experience free life for a bit before committing to me, I hope that makes sense? So we made a pact, 2 years after his release, if we still feel the same way about each other, we will get married.

And I have no doubts that it will happen.

So, maybe for people who are more hesitant about prison marriages, this could be another option that makes both people happy. And just to clarify, I dont think there is anything wrong with having a prison marriage AT ALL! I think im just a fatalist to a fault, hahaha.

For your situation I think that is a wonderful idea. I am glad you both agree to this. Good luck.

I started writing a man earlier this year in prison and I love him more with every passing day! I can so see myself married to him! Thank you all for sharing your lives so that people in this situation don't feel so alone! All of these stories are so inspirational! Congratulations to you all!

What is marrage by proxy and how do you do it? Does any prison allow this?

I know in Iowa, marriage by proxy is not allowed.

Don't do it!!!!!