I have had this discussion with friends and recently with Chris about NA classes. I've never gone, but I know people who have. They have said that a lot of people there still do drugs. I really believe thats true. Many people go because they are told to and not because they really want to be there.

The two main concerns I have with NA is

1) For many people who are trying to stay clean talking about it only makes you miss it and want it.

2) Resisting temptation from another person who might offer it 5 minutes after you just talked about it.

I have been clean for quite some time, but I know that talking about it can make a person miss it even more and thats what scares me. Knowing that users hang out at meatings is only going to increase the temptation with someone who is trying to stay clean.

I have told Chris that this is something that I would rather not talk about for the reasons listed. For him meth doesnt seem to be a weakness, but I also am pretty sure the parole officer will make him attend classes. Even thought he has a possession charge meth wasnt his drug of choice, but there is still that 1% of me that will always worry. Not just for him, but for me. I would probably say 5% of me worries if I would be able to resist temptation. For that reason I stay away from people whom I know use.

So back to my orriginal question.....Is being forced to attend NA the best thing for someone

Tanya,

You bring up some really valid points. NA/AA is not for everyone!
I got clean and sober through AA and NA and am still very much active in the program. I hang around people who I know do not use. I believe it works. Ive seen a lot of people court ordered to go and are still there. For me I found support there.
People who understood and it helped me with my denial about my addictions.
Check out these websites
http://www.na.org/

http://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org/

Maybe this will give you some sort of idea on what their primary purposes are.

Good question. I have been to meetings in support of my daughter. And on more than one occassion I did notice there were several people who attended on a regular basis that were under the influence. My daughter was not under any court obligation to attend these meetings, it was something I insisted on when I found out she was addicted to drugs. My husband and I insisted she go to a program to help her get over the physical withdrawals of her addictions, and I thought attending a twelve-step program of some kind would help her also. She backslid twice, and after the fact I found out she hooked up with people who were at the meetings because of being court ordered, but had no intention of stopping, and used the meetings as a get-together so they could get loaded afterward! Now...I do not think I am naive or anything like that, as a matter of fact I pride myself on being "in the know", but the things I have learned about some of those meetings sure surprised me! Don't get me wrong, twelve-step programs have saved many lives, but I know now we all need to be realistic about those who attend that have no intention of quitting. Seems that I too have a habit of going on about something, and to answer your original question, I believe those who are "forced" to attend thru a court order may not get what they attend for. I am happy to say my daughter has been free and clean for over 3 years now. I am very proud of her. She only attended the NA meetings for a little over 3 months.

It's a valid question and I guess the real answer lies with how much the person actually wants to stay clean. I've probably been to a couple of thousand NA meetings and in every single one of them there's winners and there's losers. I've been both. It was when I hung with the winners that I found recovery.

There's a lot of "bumper sticker" lingo in Narcotics Anonymous, but there's truth in it. For example, "If you bring the ass, the mind will follow." Unless a person is actually sitting in the meeting, then it's impossible to benefit from NA.

About 8 years ago, I was arrested for possession of a controled substance. I was a needle junkie and did I ever love dope. It was my first time to ever be in trouble and my lawyer suggested that I go to rehab, do what they said, and get my act together before I had to go to court. He felt like he could probably get the charges dismissed, if I at least tried to help myself, since I had never been in any hot water in my life.

I work in healthcare, so I was scared of going inpatient at a rehab. Hell, I had worked on those very same wards and knew I wanted no part of it. So I opted for an out-patient program that met 3 times a week and required 3 meetings a week.

I was a sheet-signer. I went unwillingly. I wanted no part of it. I was only there hoping to keep my rear out of prison. I was nothing like "those people."

In those meetings I heard a lot of stories about dope. But the stories didn't end there. That was only the beginning. The stories ended with recovery and people living clean and actually being happy. This was uncharted territory for me and I began to take the cotton out of my ears and put it in my mouth. I shut up and listenend. I wanted what they had - and I don't mean their dope. I began to want recovery for myself. I wanted to stay clean. I got a sponsor, worked the steps, and found some happiness for myself.

When I got away from the program I relapsed. When I got back to it, I got clean.

So I was one of those forced to go. Staying was my choice.

I guess I went around the world and didn't really answer your question, but I am grateful that I wound up in the rooms of Narcotics Anonymous. I am grateful I didn't have a choice. My choices got me arrested and looking at prison, so perhaps not having a choice was a good thing. It literally saved my life.

Best wishes to the both of you.

Chris attends NA now and he plans to continue when he is home. He's really learned a lot being there. I think your right that its not for everyone. I dont think any amount of NA can help someone who doesnt want to be helped. If those people are going because they have to rather then they want to then chances are they are still using.

For me I just hate talking about it. Every now and then my friends or Chris and I will talk about it. Not long ago Chris and I were having a casual conversation about NA and our past. I finally told him that I just couldnt have the conversation anymore and we needed to talk about something else. I do really well not wanting or missing it if I dont talk or think about it. For someone like me having a hour or so long conversation three times a week would be to much.

I've never been to a NA meeting, but I've been told that the ones who are still using are always trying to offer to others in the class. Now for those who are seriously trying to help themselves its not fair to put that temptation in their face. I think that if they didnt make it a requirment then the users wouldnt be hanging out and the serious ones would have a better chance. Not having the temptation there might be just enough to take the ones who are borderline using verses clean right over to the clean side of the fence.

I guess I just have really mixed feelings about NA/AA

Well like Danielle said...for me I was court ordered as well and I am now grateful. At first it was hard, but once I heard about recovery and what it took to acheive this, I wanted what they had as well. I went to inpatient for 5 months and outpatient 3 nights a week for a year...it helped alot...i learned alot about the disease of addiction ie: what it did
to brains etc..and found it for me very helpful.

Maybe you could check out a meeting sometime...it couldn't hurt..and you would
be able to base any decision on your own theory not someone elses...

Just a suggestion :)

I guess I went around the world and didn't really answer your question, but I am grateful that I wound up in the rooms of Narcotics Anonymous. I am grateful I didn't have a choice. My choices got me arrested and looking at prison, so perhaps not having a choice was a good thing. It literally saved my life.

Best wishes to the both of you.
I think that there probably are a lot of people like you, but I've also seen the ones who go and dont ever gain. I've known people that hook up with buddies at those meetings.

I have been clean for a long time and I do think back to those days. They arent days that I ever want to see again, but that doenst mean that sometimes I dont miss certain things about those days. I am certain that I wont ever go back there. For me its staying away from those who continue to use. For me its knowing that I threw away a high paying job and financially I've never been the same since and may not ever be.

I just sometimes wonder what the percentage is. How many of the forced members turn out like you? How many are forced and never learn? How many forced users influence the ones who were on the right track?

I didnt use for long compared to a lot of people so I think that really helped me kick it, but for some I dont think it would take much to send them using again.

Again just lots of mixed feelings and questions

Maybe you could check out a meeting sometime...it couldn't hurt..and you would
be able to base any decision on your own theory not someone elses...

Just a suggestion :)
A lot of my thinking lately comes from what to expect when he's paroled. This is something that I am certain he will do not only for him, but because he will probably be ordered by the parole officer.

I am sure that if not all his meetings at least some of them I will attend. I do fine now, but when he's home I think since this is something that is a part of both or pasts I think its something that we need to do together. That way we will always be there to support each other.

I hear this a lot and I believe it to be not far away from the truth.

Once the seed gets planted going back to using will never be the same again.
Kind of like ignorance is bliss...lol
I admire people who can put it down and never use again. without going to treatment I had to go for many reasons...court is just the reason to begin with but not the reason I stayed. I have very little time clean and sober just under 8 years im just a baby...

I heard something at my first meeting..You don't ever have to use again if you don't want to...and finding out how is why I kept coming back...plus I felt a lot of love and acceptance.

I don't talk a lot about what it was like...I talk more about how my life is without drugs and alcohol..
Sure there were some good times...but when I think of those, I remember the bad times and it cancels out any good that might have been.

Good luck to you and Chris

You have been given excellent advice here! You sound very scared and apprehensive and that is so understandable. I won't go into all of the details, because my fingers would fall off from typing (and that is what I do for employment) :). My ex-husband and both of my sons are alcoholics and drug addicts. But for the grace of God I am not, but come from a family history of many alcoholics and drug addicts. At times I don't want to talk about any of it, but I have lived it for many, many years. I have attended Al-Anon, which I did not want to do and it changed my life. I have a 27-year-old son in jail, awaiting two felony charges. He went from being homeless, to living and working in a mission and living a clean and sober life, achieved wonderful things and went back to alcohol and drugs, out of loneliness. Now he will probably spend many many years in a South Carolina prison. My ex-husband attends AA and NA currently, and when he does not he ends up relapsing. My 20-year-old son is attending AA and NA, court ordered and fought it every inch of the way, just went and got his paper signed and brought his body there and slowly he gained knowledge, the single greatest thing we can ever attain. He is doing so well. If you attend, even unwillingly, you will walk out having learned something and any day we can do that is a good day! Try not to worry about the future, you have so much positive to look forward to with your new husband. You do not have to attend if it is something you feel you cannot do. If Chris is ordered to go and does work the program he will not expect you to go. Good luck in your new marriage and I hope you can find peace with this issue.

All of my former clients were involuntary attendees of AA and NA meetings. Many have found sobriety and some measure of peace in their lives. Some have not. The ones that have tell me it is a combination of the treatment they got, the encouragement they got from a good counselor, and the support and knowledge they gain at their AA and NA meetings. And yes, many of them stubbornly resisted going, but found in the end that there they found their salvation. I too can say that there for the grace of God go I. (I did my share of drugs in my youth, but never really bad and I was able to put them down and leave them alone by choice.) I was raised in an Alcoholic family and married an addict/alcoholic. That kind of life was all I had ever known. My dad got sober 5 years before he passed away and he and I were both grateful to be able to mend our fences and have 5 years of wonderful father-daughter time together. It was far too short. My now ex-husband is clean and sober and has been for about 10 years now. He even went on to college (something he swore he'd never do) and is now a teacher. None of this would have been possible without the support and help they got in AA/NA meetings. I myself attend meetings with friends and sometimes accompany former clients when they need someone to stand by them through some tough time. I also attend Alanon meetings regularly for myself and have for years. My ex, Sean, used to go to meetings stoned or drunk. He also used to tell me that AA ruined his "high". He eventually began to listen and learn. Yes, there are people who go there to hook up. And there are people who go there stoned or drunk. But they are there and ya never know when a little seed will get planted and they will want to work on a better life for themselves. If there is stuff like that going on and you are feeling uncomfortable find another meeting. There are thousands of them. This is a program that works and helps lots and lots of people. And yes, realistically, it's not for everybody...but I truly believe that it is better than nothing at all. Yeah...I too am long winded. *S* I do want to congratulate you on your continued recovery. I think it's wonderful. As for wondering about the future and Chris. Well, try taking it one day at a time. It works.

Hugs,
cjSweetwater
Recovery Advocate

P.S. You and Chris should not go to the same meetings. These are places to get support and vent and sometimes the sharing may be about one or the other of you. You need to have a safe place to do that and it's pretty well impossible to do if that person is sitting next to you in the meeting. Understand? Just a word of wisdom.

I think you have to want help to receive help. From the experience I have had with clients---being forced to go doesnt work.

As for people there using drugs-yep. But you know what hippocrits go to church. IS that a reason for us not to go?

ONE

P.S. You and Chris should not go to the same meetings. These are places to get support and vent and sometimes the sharing may be about one or the other of you. You need to have a safe place to do that and it's pretty well impossible to do if that person is sitting next to you in the meeting. Understand? Just a word of wisdom.
My thread started out more geared in general rather then about Chris and I. I understand about not going to the same meetings as Chris. The biggest reason for going would be to understand more about what meeting are. Its not something that I feel the need to attend all the time.

As far as Chris and our future I really dont haver worries. As I said before he attends NA meetings in prison. Not becuase he has to, but he wants to. Just recently after talking to one of the counslors he asked me to get information to become a drug and alcohol counslor. He is doing really well and wants to help others. I think the 1% of me that worries about him is normal. The fact is no matter what, he will always have history with drugs. For that matter as secure as I am with my own sobriety I will always have that same history.

*S* Life is to be lived and not just survived...You sound like a liver to me! Glad to know ya!

CJ

I have known alot of addicts in my life and they all have been sent to meetings by courts. Some of them are sober to this day and some still choose to live that life. It all depends on the person and what they want out of life,if they choose to be sober then going to meetings will help them in understanding that they are not alone in this. (Kind of like here) If they go to the meeting and met the people who are there just to cause they have to them they most likely will use again.. But most of the addicts I know if they don't go to meetings they all ways use again!!! I guess this question really dose not have an answer the answer lies in the addicts!!!

I guess this question really dose not have an answer the answer lies in the addicts!!!
And that is an excellent point. I think my biggest issue was the ones who are still using are going and putting that temptation on those who are seriously trying to recover. I suppose that as well depends on how serious one wants to recover

I got sober in AA a number of years ago. While I still attend LOTS of meetings, the process of getting sober for me isn't much about the meetings. It is about doing the 12 Steps. They are in the book (either AA or NA). It was and is a process of doing things that I didn't really want to do. Getting honest about my drinking, coming clean with the things I had done, trying to find a higher power, going back to those people I had harmed and trying to make things right, and then trying to help others. I found a man who was willing to help me. To spend time reading with me and showing me what he had done, years before, to get out of the alcohol/drug trap that he was in.

My experience is that meetings are composed of a bunch of folks in various stages of recovery (or not ;)), attendence is voluntary and folks aren't screened on the way in the door...some folks are there to because a judge made them go and they'd rather be anywhere else....some folks are there to scam on other people...some people are really lost and struggling...and some are there to try to help others recover from their alcohol and addiction problems.

But it is in working the 12 Step program that changes happened to me. I still walk into some meetings and wonder if they have forgotten that their primary purpose is to carry a message of recovery. So, I have to do my best to try to help. But that help is generally more about helping another alcoholic who wants to get/stay sober work the 12 Steps.

Off my soapbox...good luck to everyone who is trying for a better life. I say that anything that works is great. AA/NA/CA or sauerkraut and pickle juice if it works!

I am a recovering alcoholic. Been sober 12 years now. I was not order by the courts to go to rehab but my family pretty much demanded me too because of my son and what i was doing to his life. I must say I enjoyed the time I was in rehab, meet some good people. I made my living as a bartender untill 5 years ago when an injury put me out of commission. When I was there thee counsellors advised me not to go back to bartending but I had to because it was my job. I used it as therapy. To this day I dont attend AA meetings. For me they made me feel like drinking. Couldn't handle all the talk about other people wanting to drink. I have never craved drinking until I went to a meeting. So I stop going. Being sober has changed my life. My son is in college now and I have a beautiful grandson. If I wouldn't stopped drinking I would have missed all that. The program will work for you if you work the program. I didn't do it by the book but I have my own program i still work this day and everyday. My life hasn't been a bed of roses since I quit drinking but at least I have a life. I'm very thankful to my family and friends wha "pushed" me into go and getting my life together.

You know TNC, I've thought the same as I don't know what to really talk about when it comes to my husband and his addiction in society (in prison he doesn't have a problem). In the past I didn't want to talk about it b/c I felt it would make him want his drug of choice, but I also felt that if I didn't mention the drug that he would relapse. Another concern about the congregating at outpatient rehabs: when the men and women are strung out they look and smell bad. In treatment they put on weight, they look good and they feel wonderful. I've always felt that based on that that the men and women would hit on each other forming relationships with each other because the person they're talking too looks so good. Have any of you found this happening at the treatment places -- male and female addicts forming relationships despite one of them already being married?

I recall as a smoker going to a smokers anonymous meeting in which there was a lot of wistful talk about missing smoking and longing for smoking and bemoaning not smoking ... and I went out and I think I chain smoked 3 cigarettes and never went back. Not the group for me. Also, not a healthy 12 step meeting because that kind of wallowing in the disease is not what 12 step is about. The focus should be on acknowledging the commonality of the damage done by the disease ... the ability to understand based on common experience ... and quickly moving to the tools and hope of recovery living.

I agree with the keep bringing the body till the mind comes, too. But, I am one of those people who doesn't like being forced and will go into resistence from force - so I can understand mandatory not working for all. They need to figure out if the person is the type that will actually get worse if forced before they use that sentence.

That being said, I know a lot of court signers who brought the body and stayed for the recovery. I can also confirm that you can never go back to ignorance. If you don't work the program, the program will work you. Things will get worse - fast - until you do work it. Till you hit your bottom.

I can also report that going to meetings doesn't maintain recovery .... upon a thorough job of getting to step 9 you must live a step 10/11/12 lifestyle or the promises won't continue to be fulfilled.

Finally, I can report that "dry" (not using) and sober are not the same thing. I lived through my father being "dry" ... 8 years, 4 year, 2 years ... and when he started drinking after each dry period he got really bad really faster each time. After 8 years dry he destroyed his life in 6 months. Once he got dry again years later he was dry for 4 years and had a "non alcoholic wine" for Thanksgiving and destroyed everything in 3 months!! It is a progressive disease using or not.