Hello, I enjoy the support in this forum and like the people here. I have a question for anybody that has experienced domestic violence. My ex was an abuser when I was married to him. ( I am not sure if this is where to post this) In any case, It has been 5 years since we divorced an I still can't get over the emotions I feel for what he did to me. I have just begun to tell my mother about what he did to me while we were married and while we were getting divorced within this past year. slowly I tell her things and she is a good listener.. (thank God) It feels better the more I talk about it but the hurt is still there like a huge boulder on my shoulders I can't shake off.
I do not want to get too detailed about what he did because I will get depressed so here is what he did while I was incarcerated (married) to him.
1) He would demean me in front of others all the time
2) ignore me
3) throw things at me when he was jealous and thought I was fooling around
(I mean really throw things such as videos ( with the jackets) at me and when I duck they hit the door and make a hole)
4) he called me names all the time to everyone (behind my back) like "she is a crazy bitch", or what a "dumb a## she is" ( I found this out from his friend that we both use to work with in our business we owned together) he also said this to our friends behind my back as well.
5) when I was pregnant he told everyone I was a drunk pregnant bitch ( my friend told me this) and to me he said he was not ready to have a baby.
6) when I went to get an abortion(had no choice) he said he was too busy to take me so I had to drive by myself and lie to the nurse that someone was taking me home. then when I got home he called and asked what messages he had so far.
7) choke me at times, push me
8) sodomized me on 3 occations against my will.
9) raped me once

This is just the gist of what I went through with him. There are incidents that occured that were awfull.
I am wondering how any of you may have dealt with this type of abuse? I do not have the money to get into therapy at the moment and I am trying to "get over" this emotional stuff but it is so hard to forget. I do not want to keep talking to my mother because she will be upset too.
I have tried to look for forums where I can discuss this but I can't find any and I am thinking that I should look for support groups around my area to go to but I do not know where to start .
Any suggestions would be appreciated THANKS SO MUCH>
5)

I am a survivor. Even though everyone's abuse is alittle different it is still abuse. I say stop letting him rob you of your peace and the freedom you have obtained from escaping the madness. It does live with you, but do not let him win you are free now he can not hurt you anymore. I was one who said it would never happen to me, we just never see it coming until you are so far in you wonder how you will ever get out. Just remember that you are worth alot more then what he has made you feel you are. Hang in there, you can PM me if you need anything. Love ya Angie

Hi..I'm also a survivor and know how you feel. I left in 1995 with the clothes on my back and til this day can't be in any kind of confrontational situation. If anyone raises their voice I get physically sick to my stomach. I remember once I was at work (pet store at the time) I looked up from the register and he was in my line. I wanted to disappear right then and there. My stomach cramped up and I couldn't breathe and this was 4 years after I had already gone. I could tell you horror story upon horror story but you have your own as well. I'm sorry you had to go thru it but I'm glad your alive!

I also am a survivor, I am so glad that we can call ourselves survivors and not past or former victims. I was in my situation for 6 years and have been gone for 10. I understand exactly how you feel in that you are just now able to talk about the atrocities that you experienced. It was also about 5 years after I left before I could talk about what had happened to me. The best advice I can give you is the thing that helped me the most to finally recover. Forgive him for the things he did to you, with that you also need to forgive yourself for putting yourself in that situation. Remember forgiveness isn't about the other person, it is about you. So that you can finally be free, you will never be free of the memories but with forgiveness, especially the forgiveness of self, when the memories come the pain won't. I felt that every second, minute, hour I spent hating him and hurting for what he did to me, then he was still winning, he still had some modicum of control over me and that just wasn't an option for me. Contact your local Domestic Abuse shelter they usually always offer free support groups and with a therapist. Good luck, and PM me if you want to talk further.

Staci

I am also a survivor. Believe me you are no longer alone. You have alot of support in here. I was in my abusive marriage for about 9 yrs. And yes the abuse was the same, but also different in some areas. Not by much though. It was hard to get over it, but eventually you do seem to be able to put the emoitions behind you. But for me I had to do with some kind of therapy. There are programs in every area that can help you. Try the abuse shelters etc....Just know that we are here for you. Love Jeanne

Peace....The Blessing is that you are alive and had the courage to get out. I applaud that effort. Not a victim/survivor; have worked with so many women over the years who were. As I stated somewhere else, check with your local resource for battered (I'd also like to think survivor) women...or call The National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233. Get into a support group. Suspect that you will find all kinds of support and that you are not alone. I hate violence...whether its against women, children, people of color or any human being. We need to teach and demonstrate to our daughters that that behavior is unhealthy and that we all have the right to be happy. We need to to teach our sons, too. My gems(children) are teens and have heard me talk over the years about this. It begins at home, in our institutions, ect., I am thankful that you and other women found the courage to get out because you believed that you have the power to be and the strength to transform your life. As a woman who separated and later divorced(not for issues of abuse)...it took courage. Once I did that, God opened doors and I felt so much better about self and the potential for real happiness. Trust that it will take time and support. May God continue to Bless you and all of us. Stay Up! Blessings....

Thank you all so very much for your encouragement,love, and wisdom. ALL of you are great.! I will be calling the hotline and see what is in my area. I really need the guidance that you have all suggested. and yes I do believe forgiveness of oneself is the one thing I can give myself AND DESERVE! I am trying really hard to forgive him and by going to a support group is what I need to do. It would be the best present I could give myself right now. I am calling today! I hope you all find peace as I hope to do myself. THANK YOU ALL VERY MUCH FOR YOUR LOVE AND ENCOURAGEMENT. we all need that from one survivor to another. Love ALWAYS.

Laika, I wish you the best. My prayers are with you. Love Jeanne

Hello, I enjoy the support in this forum and like the people here. I have a question for anybody that has experienced domestic violence. My ex was an abuser when I was married to him. ( I am not sure if this is where to post this) In any case, It has been 5 years since we divorced an I still can't get over the emotions I feel for what he did to me. I have just begun to tell my mother about what he did to me while we were married and while we were getting divorced within this past year. slowly I tell her things and she is a good listener.. (thank God) It feels better the more I talk about it but the hurt is still there like a huge boulder on my shoulders I can't shake off.
I do not want to get too detailed about what he did because I will get depressed so here is what he did while I was incarcerated (married) to him.
1) He would demean me in front of others all the time
2) ignore me
3) throw things at me when he was jealous and thought I was fooling around
(I mean really throw things such as videos ( with the jackets) at me and when I duck they hit the door and make a hole)
4) he called me names all the time to everyone (behind my back) like "she is a crazy bitch", or what a "dumb a## she is" ( I found this out from his friend that we both use to work with in our business we owned together) he also said this to our friends behind my back as well.
5) when I was pregnant he told everyone I was a drunk pregnant bitch ( my friend told me this) and to me he said he was not ready to have a baby.
6) when I went to get an abortion(had no choice) he said he was too busy to take me so I had to drive by myself and lie to the nurse that someone was taking me home. then when I got home he called and asked what messages he had so far.
7) choke me at times, push me
8) sodomized me on 3 occations against my will.
9) raped me once

This is just the gist of what I went through with him. There are incidents that occured that were awfull.
I am wondering how any of you may have dealt with this type of abuse? I do not have the money to get into therapy at the moment and I am trying to "get over" this emotional stuff but it is so hard to forget. I do not want to keep talking to my mother because she will be upset too.
I have tried to look for forums where I can discuss this but I can't find any and I am thinking that I should look for support groups around my area to go to but I do not know where to start .
Any suggestions would be appreciated THANKS SO MUCH>
5)Best thing to do is get away from the punk. It'll only get worse and you don't need to be part of an obituary! :angry: Get away from the BOY and take care of YOU! Get a MAN! You should be treated as a queen, not as a toy. It's the ONLY way! Your too good for him and his punk games. Yes you DID put it in the right place...you've got friends in low places. Keep your headup, your in my prayers.

I am a survivor of domestic violence and i must say even though the experience was horrible and tormenting; I am alive! and so many other women didn't make it or are disfigured by the abuse. we must extend ourselves to reach out and love those that are currently involved with someone abusive. because alot of the time women stay because they have no one to turn to

Im also a survivor of domestic violence. To me, the fact that i'm still alive is comfort enough. Iam still here to see mychildren grow up. I dont think that i will ever 'get over' nor forget what i went through. Finding peace within myself and having faith that i can live a normal happy life gets me through it. I have learnt from my mistakes, and hope that i will remain strong to notstand and put upwith all that i went through. Having self-worth helps too.

I hope that youre able to find and get all the help that you need, so that you too can move on with your life and truly be happy. If you ever wanna talk, im just a PM away.

I am a survivor. Look up post tramatic stress disorder (PTSD) and read about it. ITS real and may be what you are suffering from. Of course I suggest counseling. It really helps to talk about the abuse. I wish you the best. If you ever need anything PM me I am always here for you.

ONE

I SUFFERED A LOT OF PHYSICAL ABUSE IN MY LATE TEENS, EARLY TWENTIES. THANK GOD, I HAD THE SMARTS NOT TO MARRY THEM.

ANYWAY LAIKA, THERE ARE PLENTY OF PHYCHOLOGISTS THAT WORK ON A "SLIDING SCALE". DEPENDING ON WHAT YOU MAKE, YOU ONLY PAY A SMALL PERCENTAGE. THERE ARE ALSO CLINICS THAT PROVIDE "VOLUNTEER" COUNSELING SERVICES THAT ALSO ARE GOING BY SLIDING SCALE.

PLEASE FIND SOMETHING IN YOUR AREA. IT WILL TRULY MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN YOUR LIFE. AND HEY, THANK GOD FOR OUR MOTHERS. (SOMETIMES) LOL.
GOOD LUCK TO YOU FRIEND.

I'm also a survivor. I was lucky enough to get out alive, two of my friends weren't so lucky. I went through the same symptoms and the PTSD. PM me of you ever feel like talking.

Check with a local women's shelter and they can help you find low cost counseling. If you ever need to talk I am just a pm away.

You are definitley not alone....A lot of us have been through it or are going through it. Please follow some of their advice. Counseling is a good start. I wish everyone the best of luck. If anyone needs to talk, please PM me. (((hugs))) Karla

There are many of us survivors here. I too, was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder; just like people who have survived a war, or terrorism. Unfortunately, I married my abuser. My only relief now is that he is incarcerated. I jump at the slightest thing, always looking over my shoulder, avoid confrontations at all costs. I am afraid of angry people. He broke my tailbone within the first 6 months - it's now been over 8 years. After being bit, punched, kicked, slapped, thrown across rooms, it's amazing that I still have any sanity. Since he has been gone, I've become a successful businesswoman now with many friends. I never had any before. Although I still have nightmares, I wake each day alive. The pain will never go away, but it will ease. My family has disowned me because I'm still married to him. I live each day minute by minute with a mask on becauce I'm too afraid of what people would think of me if they knew my story. He will be out in about 2-4 months....it will be time to move again. Keep talking, to anybody that will listen. God Bless

I have dealt with it. I stayed with the guy, maybe six months. I don't know why I stayed that long. I really thought that this man was the ONLY one for me! I found out differently! I got the hell out and ran as fast as I could and NEVER looked back! I don't mind talking to you privately about it if you want to PM me to talk, feel free!

I'm a survivor as well. I think I'm more angry with myself that I allowed myself to be degraded by someone. The sexual assaults were the worst because when I started a new relationship, as we would start to get intimate, I would have flashbacks. But, I have found that talking about it does take the power and control out of it. I found that I could control it, instead of it controlling me.
Laika, what part of IL are you from? I may be able to help you find a support group in your region.

Hi, I am SURVIVOR in recovery and will never accept abuse again in my life I am currently visiting Colorado (since this is my hometown) I had to leave the state last year and relocate my life out of the state cause I had enough and have only come back for a funeral which he showed up at and it is so disturbing how you feel when you have to see them again.
The harrassment started all over again believe it or not at my father's funeral!! I am currently staying the remainder of my stay in Colorado at a shelter that is private cause I will not allow him to know any of my business or give him the opportunity to harrass me or our children.
Stay strong and please get help if you are in Colorado please feel free to pm I have resources for you they have helped me and my children cope and continue to heal. It is a process you deserve.
If you have children they don't deserve it!! Most of all you don't deserve to stay stuck in the pain you need to heal.
God Bless you and pm me if you would like resources in the Colorado area they have been so awesome to me and my children.
We are SURVIVORS!!!

I am also a survivor of domestic abuse and I also have PTSD - Posttraumatic Stress Disorder. PTSD is the development of characteristic symtoms following exposure to an extreme traumatic experience of an event that involves actual or threatened death or serious injury to yourself or others. In otherwards a beating to you or/and your children. This happens alot to us. Some systoms are nightmares, trouble sleeping, anger, headaches, depression and more which needs doctor care and counseling. It's good that you have someone to talk to. Call the Crisis Center, United Way, or call 1-800-799-7233, the 24 hour domestic hotline when you need someone to talk to or if you just need help. It's only normal to only break the silence now just don't stop now continue to get help and continue to be the great woman you are. You are a survivor!! I'll pray for you. :) good luck in your new adventure. All of us survivors have a reason to have made it so we need to be true to ourselves and our children.

i will write a poem for you shortley okay..Donna

Nobody's alone. Either we've experienced it or we know of someone that has. I think that you and all of these STRONG woman in here including myself are the peace makers in our lives. You have done a tremendous jesture, just by talking about it. The more that you talk, the better YOU feel. there are plenty of shelters,and as "the older folk" would say. Take it to GOD, or whomever you worship and I promise( I hope that I spelled it right) that he'll lead you in the right direction. STAY STRONG!! And may GOD bless you and keep you in arms.